Tag Archive | vijay mallya

Vijay Mallya ‘un-craps’ Bernie Ecclestone (Humour)


I’m not a Formula One fan. I don’t watch the sport on television. It’s booooring.

I see no point in watching one or two cars lead the rest of the field by a wide margin, where the only exciting part is how long each driver spends at a pit-stop. Pit-stops are a science and an art and the team’s mechanics its heroes. It is a sport where the engines maketh the winner and the only skill  and challenge in the sport is deciding which tires to use in inclement weather.

There is very little overtaking on the track happening and to watch 60-odd laps hoping such an eventuality occurs is an exercise in futility.

Vijay Mallya lit up the Grand Prix-es with his retort to Bernie Ecclestone’s comment that he has a “crappy product to sell“.

English: Vijay Mallya, Chairman, UB Group, Ind...

English: Vijay Mallya, Chairman, UB Group, India, participates in a panel discussion on tourism at the World Economic Forum’s India Economic Summit 2008 in New Delhi, 16-18 November 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Uncrap it,” responds the man who left his Kingfisher Airlines employees, creditors and shareholders standing in loads of (you know it, here it comes) excrement.

According to Mallya , the poop has to be sustainable.

He said:

“The most important thing is to ensure the sustainability of all teams in Formula One. If that is addressed, as it should be addressed, even the small independent teams can be competitive. If Williams beats Ferrari, it’s exciting. If Force India can beat Mercedes, that is the cherry on the cake!”

Matthew Carter of Lotus complains that to win at shit you have to spend more money.

His exact words:

“To win or get near the podium is pretty much related to how much money you spend. If the technical rules and regulations can be loosened and allow smaller teams to come up with something that isn’t immediately copied by bigger teams, it goes back to the ethos of Formula One. “

Clare Williams of Williams would like to see more people talk positively about stools.

“I watched F1 years ago and thought ‘these cars are amazing, these drivers are fantastic’. And they still are, and we have to remember that. I would like to see more people talking positively about the sport, it’s about pulling together. We should not forget it is an amazing sport. “

Eddie Jordan of the BBC would like fecal matter to be noisy.

“Noise in F1 is something I grew up with and I miss it. I thought noise was an important part of the show and I will always think that. My bigger concern is the engine rule change, particularly the costs. We have to make more heroes in F1 and make the show more appealing globally.”

Mallya additionally wants more positive coverage for feculence.

“Formula One is perhaps the most exciting sport in the world. If Formula One is made sustainable for all participants I think the negativity will be removed.

If the stability of all participants in Formula One is addressed as a matter of priority we will have more exciting racing and we will get a lot more positive media.”

Well, this certainly isn’t it.

PS: Bernie Ecclestone proof-read this piece. His suggestion: Replace ‘Formula One’ with ‘crap’ everywhere.

Vijay Mallya’s formula for Kingfisher Airlines’ woes: Force India for F1


Vijay Mallya’s recipe for Kingfisher’s woes: Join me at Buddh International Circuit!
Does the king of good times have an ace up his sleeve?

Royal Stag versus United Breweries: Harbhajan Singh versus MS Dhoni?


Can Harbhajan Singh not take a joke?

This is the question raised by Vijay Mallya of United Breweries(UB).

The liquor magnate was slapped with a legal notice by Avtar Kaul, the Singh family  matriarch.

The distressed mother has gone on to charge the UB Group with offending the Sikh community and fostering disunity within the Indian cricket team.

The cause for offense is a UB commercial parodying Bhajji’s appearance for the Royal Stag brand from the Pernod Ricard stable.

 

Read More…

Anil Kumble bids farewell to IPL, continues as chief mentor to RCB


Anil Kumble of India in action

Image via Wikipedia

Anil Kumble will not be on sale in IPL 4.

The former India captain and leg-spinner has withdrawn his name from the list of players for the Jan 8-9 auction.

The move, by itself, is not a surprise;its timing and suddenness has aroused speculation.

Jumbo is a busy man. He has a lot on his plate. He was recently elected President of Karnataka State Cricket Board. He is also a  businessman and a keen wildlife photographer.

Read More…

Venky’s chicken takes over Blackburn Rovers: New Product Ideas (Satire)


Football - Manchester City v Blackburn Rovers Barclays Premier League - The City of Manchester Stadium - 2/5/09..A Blackburn Rovers fan Photo via Newscom

The news that Indian poultry giant Venkateshwara Hatcheries (VH) affectionately known to all as Venky’s chicken, struck a deal to take over BlackBurn Rovers , an English Premier League (EPL) team has come like a thunderbolt out of the blue.

This is a wonderful time for Indian companies making their presence felt across the international sporting arena.

The Indian Premier League is the second most expensive league in the world.

Force India is Vijay Mallya’s acquisition in the Formula 1.

And now Blackburn Rovers joins the stable of notable sporting buyouts.

Well, if you can’t beat them, let’s buy them is a mantra that is easy to follow!

The acquisition of Blackburn Rovers and the sizeable Asian population there leads Venky’s strategic marketing advisors to look for synergies between the historic footballing franchise and the poultry giant.

Read More…

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 325 other followers

%d bloggers like this: