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Bolting Indian Hockey players (Satire)


Usain Bolt Crystal Palace Meeting in 2007

CHANDIGARH—

The Sports Authority of India (SAI) and Hockey India (HI) have received  urgent faxes  from the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF)  and Athletics Federation of India (AFI) requesting access to their training methods.

The appeal follows a report in the Hindustan Times that Indian hockey players are masters of the short sprint, able to cover 10 metres in a minimum time of 1.57 seconds. This beats Usain Bolt’s existing record of 1.89 by a whopping margin.

Bolt, in the letter, states: “I have not been able to recapture my much-vaunted running form since my return from injury. Perhaps, these magicians with the hockey stick know something that I don’t. I would love to learn from them.”

The champion sprinter ,also, evinced interest in the dietary habits followed by the hockey players.

The Athletics Federation of India joined the bandwagon.

AFI Secretary, Lalit K. Bhanot said: “If we can combine our development programmes with HI’s, then we can produce world-class athletes and hockey players, killing two birds with one stone.”

KPS Gill, president of the suspended Indian Hockey Federation, said: “It is no surprise to me that our hockey players are such good sprinters. They always manage to get to the opposition’s goal-mouth without much trouble. They lack conversion skills. This explains everything. Our hockey players are in the wrong sport.”

Pargat Singh, chairman of Hockey India, threatened to go on a hunger strike if  his players did not receive direct entries to the 2012 London Olympics.

“My dream will come true. Our boys will qualify for the Olympics, albeit in another sport.” Pargat added.

(All facts and “quotes” in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn’t you?)


Quote of the day:
A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world. – John le Carre

About LINUS FERNANDES

I have been an IT professional with over 12 years professional experience. I'm an B.Sc. in Statistics, M.Sc in Computer Science (University of Mumbai) and an MBA from the Cyprus International Institute of Management. I'm also a finance student and have completed levels I and II of the CFA course. Blogging is a part-time vocation until I land a full-time position. I am also the author of three books, Those Glory Days: Cricket World Cup 2011, IPL Vignettes and Poems: An Anthology, all available on Amazon Worldwide.

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