humor

Ravi Shastri: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Ravi Shastri

What he said:

“Narine makes you no better than a blind, a lame or a mentally challenged person. Compared to him, video games are a child’s play.”

Ravi Shastri attributes Kolkata Knightriders’ stupendous show at the Champion Leagues T20 to one man, Sunil Narine. The West Indian mystery bowler continues to bamboozle his opponents.

Shastri said:

“While everything on this Earth is being figured out, Narine it seems is a mystery forever. It’s not that batsmen can’t see him or watch the ball fizz out of his hand.But what they perceive and how the delivery behaves are two opposites.”

Shastri—writing further—said:

“Rivals thus end up playing 16 to KKR’s 20 overs. The handicap of one-fifth of overs is too big to overcome in a format where a win is often secured off the last ball and a margin of 5-10 runs is routine. The related effect of batsmen giving wanton charge to other bowlers and rushing to their doom is less appreciated.”

What he really meant:

“The opposing bats are like handicapped golfers—at a disadvantage before they begin.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“What’s West Indies doing with a world-class spinner? Aren’t they supposed to have burly, fearsome pacers instead? And if he’s so good, why aren’t they winning more?”

PV Sindhu: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

PV Sindhu

What she said:

“I’ll tell you when I do fall in love.”

PV Sindhu is the best thing to happen to Indian badminton since Saina Nehwal. She has two World Championship bronze medals to her name—a feat no other Indian shuttler has ever achieved. Is she the next big thing or the current big thing? Consistency will tell.

What she really meant:

“I have little time for anything outside badminton. Until then…”

What she definitely didn’t:

“We’ll have a small bio-pic produced when that happens with a theme song titled ‘Dil Yeh Shuttle Hai'”.

Louis Van Gaal: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Louis Van Gaal

What he said:

“It’s very important for a club such as Manchester United to have guardians of its culture.”

Manchester United’s new coach, Louis Van Gaal, hopes that the culture of the club will be retained with the introduction of fresh blood—youngsters—who have the ethos of the club ingrained in their DNA.

“Every youth player who comes through can be a guardian. The ‘Class of 92’ [Beckham, Butt, Giggs, Neville and Scholes] were guardians of the club’s culture. You need very good youth education so you have always more players who can become guardians.

Wayne Rooney is also a guardian of this culture now as captain and he can transfer this culture to his fellow players.”

Van Gaal intends to repeat his success in creating fresh cores at his former clubs with United.

He said:

“I did it with Barcelona where I gave debuts to Xavi, [Andres] Iniesta, [Carles] Puyol and [Victor] Valdes. At Bayern Munich, we had [Holger] Badstuber, [Thomas] Muller and [David] Alaba who can guard the culture. I also want to do that here but the youth players have to take their chance when they receive it.”

What he really meant:

“Organizational culture cannot be created overnight. It is a gradual process and MU’s vision, values, norms, systems, symbols, language, assumptions, beliefs, and habits will be imbibed by the players and affect the way they perceive, think and even feel.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“In simpler terms, I need easily influenced youth who I can then brainwash.”

Abhinav Bindra: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Abhinav Bindra

What he said:

“In shooting, you need to be dumb. You people think differently, but I’m telling you that I have become dumb. I was always humorous by nature but, maybe, no one noticed it. Or, maybe, I looked just too intense or serious to others.”

Abhinav Bindra is so focused on his sport that he seems obtuse.

When questioned whether he has matured with age:

“I would like to enjoy the sport. I am here at the moment because I like the sport more than I used to. In the last few years, I have had this great realisation that I am actually in love with this sport.”

What he really meant:

“What’s seems stupid to most others makes eminent sense to me. Shooting is thus a dumb sport. Don’t you think?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Humour is in the understanding of the beholder.”

Joan Capdevila: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Joan Capdevila

What he said:

“When I first told my family and friends about signing on with the ISL they did not believe me, they thought it was a joke! My family asked if I had gone crazy!”

Spanish World Cup winner, Joan Capdevila, is not deranged but had a hard time convincing his family members that he had not lost his senses when he conveyed his decision to play for NorthEast United Football Club (NEUFC) in the still nascent Indian Super League (ISL).

The left-back is the team’s marquee player.

The ISL begins in October this year and will run till December. It will have eight teams.Each team has one marquee player and seven foreigners. Only two of the seven foreign players can be directly recruited; the other five are are picked in the foreign player draft. Each team will also have 14 Indian footballers.

Capdevila said:

“When I showed them (my family) all the proof, they asked me if I was sure about this. But now since the ISL momentum is picking up, they are looking forward to my updates on my experience. My friends may also come down to see me but my family unfortunately will not.”

The presence of many Spaniards in the league has contributed to some excitement in Spain too.

“To be honest, there wasn’t much buzz in Spain about the ISL at the start. Now with more international players signing with teams, the Spanish fans are excited to see this amalgamation of known and unknown talents. I am also eager for the games to begin as it will globalise the football industry further.”

On the league and Indian soccer:

“This is very different from other leagues. In India, it is just starting and this is a very nice beginning. It is a very nice project which is going to be for a lot of years. Indian football is going to grow and would call a lot of attention of other players for sure. It is a nice project for the future to be put like a league for the whole year. After many years, it is going to be the main league of India for sure.”

Actor-producer John Abraham, also a co-owner of the NEUFC side, said:

“We feel that this is an incubation league. This is to quickstart the interest of football in the country. We are looking at a very long term vision, that we believe that this two-and-half month league would probably at some point be an eight month or nine month league.

Maybe it could merge with the premier league or it could be the Premier League. I believe that the ISL will become a seven or eight month league, given a gestation period of three to five years.

Initially, it (opting for overseas players past their prime) would help. It is very important to get players with that kind of experience on board. Having players like Capdevila and other marquee players, it will help. I think it will help in the short run initially to spark off the interest and be a catalyst but in the long run of course we need to re-strategize and understand what we need to do.

As far as NorthEast United is concerned, we are very clear that our focus is young domestic players. As of today, we have the youngest team in the ISL by five years. And we will make sure by next year, we will be a far younger team.”

Meanwhile, Capdevila feels that Spain should not abandon the tiki-taka style of play.

“It’s time for change and bring in some new players.

I hope Spain is at their highest level again from tomorrow but honestly it’s going to take longer.

For the next Euro Cup it is going to be difficult but I hope to see them challenging again for the 2018 World Cup. But I am not sure yet as the players are very young.

The style of playing for Spain is going to be the same, just the players are going to change.

It has been the style for many, many years and I will be surprised if (coach) Vicente del Bosquecan now change their style of play.”

What Capdevila really meant:

“India is not known for its footballing prowess. And you want to play in the heat and humidity? Are you crazy? What about the language? And the food?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m not a spring chicken anymore. India will do nicely. Let’s just term the terms—pre-retirement benefits.”

Sirivannavari Nariratana: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Sirivannavari Nariratana

What she said:

“If they treat me as a princess, I would not be here. I’d be in another stable, with beautiful decorations.”

Thai princess,Sirivannavari Nariratana,  is convinced that she is not favored by her fellow athletes at the Incheon Asian Games. The royal debuted in the dressage competition on Saturday, the 20th of September, 2014. Her horse: Prince Charming.

Nariratana is the grand-daughter to Thailand’s regent and was once listed among Forbes’ Top 20 hottest aristocrats.

She was also a participant in badminton at the 2006 Games.

Sirivannavari  said:

“They treat me like friends, a normal rider.”

She added:

“Everybody has the same — the one thing they give me is respect.” 

On her preparation for her first day at the Games:

“For me, it was no problem, it’s like: wake up, some vitamin C, a lot of water and feel fresh, good music — I listened to Rihanna this morning.” 

What she really meant:

“All they’re interested in is what I can do on the field. Will I perform as expected? Am I a competitor? My blue blood lineage counts for little. And my steed cannot differentiate between a noble and a commoner.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“This is just me jockeying for PR. What do you think? Why don’t you join me under my umbrella?
(Ella ella eh eh eh).”


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Gautam Gambhir: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Gautam Gambhir

What he said:

“I have enjoyed when a gorgeous cricket ball declines the advances of my well-manicured cricket bat. But loaded with the perseverance of a sincere lover, my bat wins.”

Gautam Gambhir waxes lyrical on the value of practiced perseverance. The Indian opener confesses, that unlike Andre Agassi, he loves his sport.

Gambhir wrote:

“Whenever I look at the Gautam Gambhir in the mirror it seems tennis star Andre Agassi is reading out passages from his autobiography, Open. Agassi says he ‘hated tennis with dark and secret passion’. This is after tennis gave him identity, fortune, silverware, a few wanted and unwanted perks that a successful, young man is prone to get, later on a beautiful wife and most importantly adrenaline of being in a competition. But the fact is he hated his sport. You’d say either Agassi teamed up with the publishers to sell his book, or he’s just being cynical. Sorry, neither.”

Gambhir adds:

“Unlike Agassi, I love my sport. I can watch any game of cricket on TV. Even if the repeat telecast is for the 600th time, I’d be glued with excitement of a woman watching serials on conniving ladies. I might bat like a novice in the middle but I just love batting and its romance. I have enjoyed when a gorgeous cricket ball declines the advances of my well-manicured cricket bat. But loaded with perseverance of a sincere lover my bat wins. It then starts to caress, cuddle and later even lovingly thump its once shining lady.

But the real challenge lies beyond these dreamy passages. You wake up on a match day and you are in company of fear of failure. You turn on the shower and instead of water you have expectations beating on your body. You dress up but in reality you are wearing the image of a celebrity that the outside world wants to see you as – a champion or a loser.”

On Andre Russel, his Kolkata Knight Riders teammate:

“Even in the past he has been our Superman. On most occasions he’s dancing, grooving, laughing and when he gets bored he does all of these all over again. He secretly admits that he wants to dress up like a Jamaican but can’t do it as he’d stand out among ‘sober Indians’.

Amid all this, he is still a bloody good cricketer. There is a method to his power-hitting. Just recall his use of the depth of the crease while hitting those sixes against Chennai Super Kings. He does 100 meters under 11 seconds which I think anyone having a Jamaican passport does. I told him that his Mohawk hairstyle needs a bit of a mojo as it has flattened out. He just gives me a hearty Jamaican laugh as if to say, ‘No mojo skippermaan, my hair needs Viagra!’ Don’t be surprised if Andre actually tells me this one day.”

What Gambhir really meant:

“My love of the game is based on practice and perseverance. The more I persevere and practice, the better I connect. “

What he definitely didn’t:

“Now if James Anderson and company were here, I’d show them how well I’ve mastered their ‘Lady in Red’. For now, I love hammering the ‘White Widow’ on Indian soil.”

Gavin Larsen: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Gavin Larsen

What he said:

“What we did was in the first game of the tournament, we were playing the Yellow Team. We just called them the Yellow Team. We played Zimbabwe at Napier, we called them the Red Team. Pakistan was the Green Team. That made us focus on what we needed to do as a team to beat that Yellow Team. That took away some of the emotion.”

Former New Zealand seam-up bowler, Gavin Larsen, reveals the psychological mindset behind the extraordinary performance of the Kiwis team at the ’92 World Cup.

He said:

“We had some good experience in the team. A lot of guys had played a lot of cricket domestically and for New Zealand. It wasn’t a young, raw, immature team. First and foremost, there was some mental strength across the individuals in the team. The other thing that I do remember is how Martin Crowe insisted that we depersonalised each of the teams. New Zealand has played Australia in the past and you can get caught in the Trans-Tasman hype – playing the old enemy from across the ditch.”

Russell and Martin Crowe (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he really meant:

 “We, of course, were the All-Blacks. It wasn’t that hard a stretch to color code our opponents. And we certainly made them eat Crowe.”

What he definitely didn’t:

 “How’s that for Emotional Intelligence?”

Bogdan Obradovic: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Bogdan Obradovic

What he said:

“And you know what, if that happens, I’ll be a minister!”

Bogdan Obradovic jokes that Novak Djokovic is so popular in Serbia that he could easily be President.

“There is a joke in Serbia. Actually, it’s not a joke. It’s a fact. Ask any man, woman or kid and they will tell you Novak must be the president. Even the president will say, ‘OK, I am ready to vacate my chair for Novak’.”

The non-playing captain of his country’s Davis Cup team is in Bangalore where India play them for a spot in the World Group.

It was in 2001 at the US Open that Obradovic predicted (to a Serbian reporter) that Djokovic would be World No. 1 someday and win the American title.

“I told him that we have one kid back home and he is going to be No. 1 and win the singles title at the US Open one day. That interview was broadcast on Serbian national television. Many people laughed at me. Today, they smile.
You know Novak was junior World No. 1 at 14. He won the European championships. Now you may wonder how a European champion can be called a world champion. Let me tell you. It’s a funny story. Actually, even Americans and Canadians and Australians used to play in the European championships. It’s funny, I know. So, to me, Novak was the No. 1 junior in the world.”

On Djokovic’s elasticity:

“The good thing was that he was naturally elastic. So we developed an exercise regimen and made sure we didn’t destroy that aspect of his body. Look, most tennis players are strong and powerful. But they are not agile. They don’t possess elastic energy. This is not American Football or rugby. In tennis, you need to have elastic energy. By using your elastic energy, you tend to spend less energy during matches. This helps you recover faster. No one knows your tank capacity; how much gasoline you have. I can tell you Novak spends less energy than any other player on the Tour. That’s why is so fit. That’s why he is No. 1.”

What he really meant:

 “A minister ministers and that’s what I’ll do. After all, haven’t I been ministering to him for years?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Machiavellian, ain’t I?”

Suresh Raina: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Suresh Raina

What he said:

“Even my mother asks me every time I come to Lucknow, koi ladki toh pasand nahi aa gayi wahan (have you selected a girl yet)?”

Suresh Raina is perturbed that no one including his mother believes that he visits Lucknow simply to catch up with his school friends.

Raina said:

“But I actually come here to just unwind with my friends. I have very few friends, and I share a special bond with them. I have a lot of matches coming up after the Champions League, there’s the West Indies tour in October. I know I will not be able to meet my friends for a long time now. So I made a short trip to Lucknow between two tournaments.  She(my mother)’s been after me for a while now to get married, especially since my closest friend has also tied the knot. Each time I go back home, my marriage is the topic of conversation.But I have put off any wedding talk till after the World Cup. Abhi ussi pe focus karna hai. (I have to focus on that.)”

The Chennai Superkings star revealed the secret behind his recent success in the ODIs and T20s against England.

“After I was dropped from the Asia Cup squad earlier this year, I did a lot of introspection as far as my game was concerned. I had to go back to basics, and just perform very well. I spent months with single-minded focus on training, fitness, discipline. I trained at the Lucknow Sports College and in Mumbai, and I spent a lot of time with my friends and family to regain my confidence. You can’t take everyone’s advice, because everyone has a different opinion, so you need to depend on your friends to give you the right advice. That confidence helped me to play my natural game, and tackle the pressure. Pressure tha (there was pressure), but I knew I can turn things around. When I got on the flight from Mumbai to London, I was ready to give my best. And I am so happy I did. It was very important.”

What he really meant:

“My mother wishes I’d make the most of my trips to Lucknow and kill two birds with one stone. Find a girl and meet my pals too. She’s pragmatic that way.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“What?! And be embroiled in a senseless wrangle with the press about the presence of a girlfriend or wife on tour?”