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Tim Bresnan: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


What he said:

“In the past five or six years we’ve just done it like a Chinese parliament.”

Tim Bresnan, former England seamer, reacts to his appointment as vice-captain of Yorkshire’s country cricket side.

Yorkshire have not had a deputy leader  for a few seasons now.

Former captain, Andrew Gale, is the current coach and Gary Ballance the newly appointed skipper.

Bresnan said:

“Gary phoned me and said, ‘I’ve got to ask you something, mate, would you be vice-captain for me?’

And I was like, ‘Yes, I’m over the moon’.

It was a bit of a shock because we haven’t really named one over the past few years; it just came out of the blue.

I never even thought that Gaz would be having one.

It does make sense, though, if he gets called up for internationals.

I’m immensely proud, and it will be great to work with him and Galey. I’ll just do whatever is required of me.

Pretty much everyone in the team is in the senior leadership group as it is.

In the past five or six years, we’ve basically just done it like a Chinese parliament.

We’ve talked through anything that was going wrong and how we were going to improve as a collective, and we’ve done everything as a group really.

There’s never been any sort of group within that which has sat down separately to discuss things.”

What he really meant:

“Yes, we ran the side based on consensual authority with collective responsibility. That’s how Parliament works, doesn’t it? And we had no real opposition, hence, we’re obviously Chinese.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I guess I’m Mike Pence to Yorkshire’s Ballance. That Trumps it all, doesn’t it?”

English: Tim Bresnan playing for Yorkshire

Tim Bresnan playing for Yorkshire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Vice Captain Sports logo

Vice Captain Sports logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Xherdan Shaqiri: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Xherdan Shaqiri offers Puma some business advice.

Xherdan Shaqiri

Xherdan Shaqiri (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he said:

“I hope Puma don’t make condoms.”

Switzerland’s Xherdan Shaqiri made the most cutting remark of the evening when he said the above following the shredding of four team-mates’ jerseys during a group game with hosts France at this year’s European Cup.

Admir Mehmedi, Breel Embolo, Blerim Dzemaili and Granit Xhaka all lost their shirts—literally—in their goalless draw in Lille.

Xhaka had to change shirts twice.

Former England World Cup hero Gary Lineker was equally scathing on Twitter indicting German industry.

This is not the first time the Swiss encountered problems with their Puma tees.

Breel Embolo lost his top in a friendly against Montenegro.

He said:

“We have had a few problems with the jersey. The kit manager is not fully ready yet, but we are.”

Puma responded:

“There was one batch of material, where yarns had been damaged during the production process, leading to a weakening in the final garment. This can happen, if the combination of heat, pressure and time is not properly controlled in the manufacturing process. All federations have confirmed that they never had any such issues and are very happy with quality, functionality and design of their jerseys.”

Puma supplies shirts to Austria, Czech Republic, Italy, Switzerland and Slovakia.

Its home rival Adidas was  also targeted when its ‘Beau Jeu’ ball designed especially for Euro 2016 burst open in the same match.

Adidas said:

“We are looking into what happened. Incidents of this nature are extremely rare.

The reason for the tear has not yet been identified, but Beau Jeu [the tournament ball] has been widely praised by respected experts for its contribution to the exciting start to the tournament.”

What Shaqiri really meant:

“A tear—at the wrong time—makes nine.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’ll opt for double protection the next time I play—I’ll wear two jerseys instead.”

K L Rahul: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Baby name elicits stares from women bystanders.

What he said:

“We were at airport and I said, ‘Baby, grab my bag’, two women started staring at us.”

Royal Challengers Bangalore opener and wicketkeeper K L Rahul recounts an unusually hilarious anecdote about his left-handed teammate Sachin Baby.

What he really meant:

“Was I looking at you,  ma’am, when I said that? Was I, ma’am, was I? Owww!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Baby, don’t Blush when I call you by name.”

Kane Richardson: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Kane Richardson powers down the grass on ‘greens and beans’.

What he said:

“When we go out to field and I’m standing at point, they ask me if I’m going to start eating the grass or not. “

Kane Richardson, South Australia and Royal Challengers Bangalore pacer, has turned vegan with a vengeance.

Terming the perception that a fast bowler has to “eat meat and drink alcohol” a stigma, the Aussie said:

“I didn’t want to eat animals. I challenged myself to stick to it, I guess it’s a diet but it’s not really a fad, it’s something you believe in.

I’ve done it for a year and-a-half, two years now but over this pre-season I’ll probably challenge myself to go vegan (a person who does not eat or use animal products) and train hard and see if I can do it and perform in four-day cricket.”

Richardson still enjoys his beer though.

He added:

“I’ve watched a lot of documentaries on it, and whether it’s right or wrong, I don’t know if that can be sustained the way people are gorging through food.Especially in Australia, we’re pretty spoilt with what’s available.

It’s just something I thought long and hard about and tried to change and have stuck to it since.

It’s just something I had to change with all the injuries that I had.

I did a lot of research on it. If it’s something that’s going to help me play for longer than I’ll definitely try it.

I’ll be vegetarian the rest of my life, it’s whether I can go full vegan, that’s the question.”

English: Peter Siddle, at the SCG vs. South Af...

Peter Siddle, at the SCG vs. South Africa in January 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peter Siddle is the other Australian bowler who embraced vegetarianism.

Richardson said:

“I know Sidds (Peter Siddle) is the same, he’s quite big into that.

He’s got a platform in the media and he can try and help the way people treat animals, especially in India, it’s quite tough to see.”

What he really meant:

“My teammates can’t tell wheatgrass from any other kinds of grass—including weed!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’d chew the cud if I weren’t clever enough to carry veg snacks in my trouser pockets  such as raw carrots and fresh mini-tomatoes.”

David Warner: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


English: Australian cricketer David Warner

Australian cricketer David Warner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

David Warner breakfasts like King Kohli.

What he said:

“Well, i am eating the same breakfast as Virat Kohli. I think it is all about being consistent and about keeping my mind fresh.”

David Warner is quite competitive with his text messaged war of words with Virat Kohli mirroring their battle for the Orange Cap in the Vivo IPL.

He added:

“It was a vice versa about the orange cap for being the highest run-getter. He texted me the other day, saying he’s coming for the orange cap – and my reply was, i am going to come back and get it off you.”

Warner also elaborated on abstaining from alcohol:

“Look, it’s been almost a year now since i stopped drinking alcohol. I will complete a year on May 20. My wife was pregnant at that time and i thought, why not go the whole nine months without drinking too. It was just to give myself a goal, something to achieve away from cricket. I have been fortunate enough to do that so far.

Once i get to the one-year mark, i will see what to do. I might keep not drinking or i might drink, who knows.

But it’s not about drinking. It is about giving myself the best opportunity to recover and to play cricket.

I have two daughters and a fantastic wife and they provide me all the support i need to achieve goals with. There is a life after cricket as well. Cricket is not the be-all and end-all and it is about setting myself up for after cricket.

Having stability off the field is always fantastic.

What he really meant:

“A hearty breakfast for a healthy body makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise and a contender for the Orange Cap. I’m certainly not eating text messages for breakfast.”

What he definitely didn’t:

Kellogg’s—Breakfast of Champions.”

 

Salman Khan: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Salman Khan would rather be a walkabout at Rio.

What he said:

“Since I can only participate in the Olympics if walking were a sport, isiliye main woh hoon jo gaadi ko piche se dhakka de sakta hai  (I’m that vehicle that can push from behind).”

Salman Khan is unperturbed about the controversy on his appointment as the Indian contingent’s Goodwill envoy to the Rio Olympics.

Describing his duties as ambassador, he said:

“I want to charge up the players and see how they are progressing. If we can increase our medal tally compared to last year, it would be great. When that happens, the infrastructure, diet, coaching and other facilities get better. Pehle (ambassador) nahi lekar aaye thay toh theek hai, par ab jab kisi ko lekar aaye hain toh (earlier the players never had an ambassador but now that they do have one ) the players should be encouraged. “

What he really meant:

“I don’t really have a sport and walking’s really not my style either, I’ll be that ambassador who leads the charge from behind—for a change.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“An ambassador is a man (or woman) who lies abroad for his or her country. Look at me, I’m doing it right here—for myself and Indian sport. ”

Salman Khan and Aamir Khan are making a new wrestling film together (Satire)


MUMBAI—

Salman Khan is upset and wishes to make amends.
The Bollywood star was apparently taken aback by all the criticism from various quarters—specifically Yogeshwar Dutt and Milkha Singh—at his appointment as goodwill ambassador to the Rio Olympics by the Indian Olympic Association.
Salman has announced that he and Aamir Khan will join forces and make yet another wrestling movie that will depict the stories of Dutt and Sushil Kumar.
The scion of Salim Khan will play Dutt and Aamir will essay the role of Kumar.
“That’s the least we can do for these magnificent real-life wrestling heroes. And I know how painful wrestling is— after Sultan. In fact, we’ll have Dutt and Kumar perform as body doubles for the shooting of this opus.”

The biopic is titled ‘Pehelwano’.

The Great Khali will be making a special appearance in the picture.

Dutt and Kumar are not so happy about Khali’s appearance grumbling that WWE is mere showmanship and wrestling cannot be about jumping up and down and yelling at your opponents. Kumar added that in the WWE anything goes and most fighting happens outside the ring.

The IOA was unavailable for comment.

Disclaimer: While the characters in this story are real, the tale isn’t. But you knew that already, didn’t you?

Ben Stokes: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Ben Stokes is not comforted by nemesis Carlos Brathwaite’s shirty request.

What he said:

“[Carlos] Brathwaite came and asked me for my shirt at the end, which was pretty strange, looking back on it. You’ve just whacked me and now you want a shirt? I didn’t really need to ask him [for his]. Can’t imagine what I’d use it for. A duvet maybe?”

Ben Stokes gives up his shirt as well to Carlos Brathwaite besides four hits out of bounds.

What he really meant:

“What?!!! You’ve clubbed me for four sixes in a row in a World Cup final and you want the shirt of my back too???!!!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“ Was that a not so subliminal message from Carlos to switch to another sport like soccer, perhaps?”

Sania Mirza: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Sania Mirza works out.

What she said:

“Strong is sexy. I don’t think very skinny is attractive. I think healthy, strong and muscular is extremely attractive.”

Sania Mirza is not confused. She’s a tennis player first and then anything else or everything else.

The Indian tennis diva says:

“I have the kind of body that no matter how much weights I lift, I don’t look muscular – not that I have a problem with anyone looking muscular. I don’t bulk up, I don’t have that body shape or type, which is not a good or bad thing, it is what it is. Tennis is my first priority. If I don’t have tennis, I don’t have anything else. I don’t think anyone wants to photograph me if I’m not playing well. Tennis requires me to have a certain level of fitness and strength, and I’ll do everything I can to get there.”

What she really meant:

“Strong is beautiful. Isn’t that the WTA tag line for their promotional video. Can I say otherwise?”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I wonder why tennis players don’t come in ‘petite’ anymore.”

 

 

Carlos Brathwaite: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


Carlos Brathwaite is lost for words but not expletives.

What he said:

“”That was amazing man, I wish I could use some expletives on TV to really express how much of a top knock that was.”

West Indies’ final over hero in the T20 World Cup final, Carlos Brathwaite , is all praise for his senior partner Marlon Samuels who held the innings together with a stellar 85 off 66 balls.

Brathwaite said:

“It’s us against the world and someone needed to take responsibility. And today Marlon Samuels after a slow start took responsibility and played a fantastic knock. That was amazing man, I wish I could use some expletives on TV to really express how much of a top knock that was. He did it in 2010, and I knew if Samuels was there in the end, he’ll bring us home in 2016. It was a matter of when and not if.”

The 27-year-old backed his skipper Darren Sammy’s emotional outburst against the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB) saying:

“Most of the nations have more resources than we do, but we have natural talent. It has been said we don’t have brains, that we don’t harness our talent, that we do things off the field that contribute to poor on-field success. But I just want to say being around these guys, that everything we do on and off the field is for the betterment of West Indies, not just the team but also cricket and the region in general.”

On the final over against England’s Ben Stokes:

“It was a little nerve-wracking to be honest, I just tried to stay focused, use my cue words, watch the ball and take some pressure off Marlon. It would have been too hard to give him a single and expect him to do it all. I just had to bite the bullet and try to get a couple of boundaries, which fortunately I did, give God thanks for bringing it home for the people in West Indies.

After the third six I just backed myself, go hard, if it goes in the air I knew Marlon would finish it but I knew I had to be there as close to the end as possible. We continued to back ourselves, back our strength and our strength is hitting boundaries. Once we knew it was manageable we knew we could do it.

I just want say a special mention to everyone in Sargeant’s Village, my family, my friends and especially to Mr Errol Edey, the master bat-maker from the Caribbean.He made this special beauty for me to use in the World Cup and he told me, ‘Carlos, go out there and smash ’em’. Erroll, I did, and now we are world champions.”

What he really meant:

“I’m rendered speechless by the sense of occasion. Would expletives do instead?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Hey, Virat, can you teach me a few of those choicest Punjabi and Hindi abuses, my maan?”

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