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Racing

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Vijay Mallya ‘un-craps’ Bernie Ecclestone (Humour)


I’m not a Formula One fan. I don’t watch the sport on television. It’s booooring.

I see no point in watching one or two cars lead the rest of the field by a wide margin, where the only exciting part is how long each driver spends at a pit-stop. Pit-stops are a science and an art and the team’s mechanics its heroes. It is a sport where the engines maketh the winner and the only skill  and challenge in the sport is deciding which tires to use in inclement weather.

There is very little overtaking on the track happening and to watch 60-odd laps hoping such an eventuality occurs is an exercise in futility.

Vijay Mallya lit up the Grand Prix-es with his retort to Bernie Ecclestone’s comment that he has a “crappy product to sell“.

English: Vijay Mallya, Chairman, UB Group, Ind...

English: Vijay Mallya, Chairman, UB Group, India, participates in a panel discussion on tourism at the World Economic Forum’s India Economic Summit 2008 in New Delhi, 16-18 November 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Uncrap it,” responds the man who left his Kingfisher Airlines employees, creditors and shareholders standing in loads of (you know it, here it comes) excrement.

According to Mallya , the poop has to be sustainable.

He said:

“The most important thing is to ensure the sustainability of all teams in Formula One. If that is addressed, as it should be addressed, even the small independent teams can be competitive. If Williams beats Ferrari, it’s exciting. If Force India can beat Mercedes, that is the cherry on the cake!”

Matthew Carter of Lotus complains that to win at shit you have to spend more money.

His exact words:

“To win or get near the podium is pretty much related to how much money you spend. If the technical rules and regulations can be loosened and allow smaller teams to come up with something that isn’t immediately copied by bigger teams, it goes back to the ethos of Formula One. “

Clare Williams of Williams would like to see more people talk positively about stools.

“I watched F1 years ago and thought ‘these cars are amazing, these drivers are fantastic’. And they still are, and we have to remember that. I would like to see more people talking positively about the sport, it’s about pulling together. We should not forget it is an amazing sport. “

Eddie Jordan of the BBC would like fecal matter to be noisy.

“Noise in F1 is something I grew up with and I miss it. I thought noise was an important part of the show and I will always think that. My bigger concern is the engine rule change, particularly the costs. We have to make more heroes in F1 and make the show more appealing globally.”

Mallya additionally wants more positive coverage for feculence.

“Formula One is perhaps the most exciting sport in the world. If Formula One is made sustainable for all participants I think the negativity will be removed.

If the stability of all participants in Formula One is addressed as a matter of priority we will have more exciting racing and we will get a lot more positive media.”

Well, this certainly isn’t it.

PS: Bernie Ecclestone proof-read this piece. His suggestion: Replace ‘Formula One’ with ‘crap’ everywhere.

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Michael Schumacher: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t


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Armstrong, Schumacher,Ganguly: A Tale of Three Comebacks 2.0 (Cartoon)


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Armstrong,Schumacher,Ganguly: A Tale of Three Comebacks (Cartoon)


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Formula 1 and Vijay Mallya : The show goes on (cartoon)


Vijay Mallya: “Not an absconder”


Vijay Mallya’s formula for Kingfisher Airlines’ woes: Force India for F1


Vijay Mallya’s recipe for Kingfisher’s woes: Join me at Buddh International Circuit!
Does the king of good times have an ace up his sleeve?

Martin Whitmarsh: What he said, really meant and definitely did not


McLaren team principal Martin Whitmarsh ecstat...

Martin Whitmarsh Wants Lewis Hamilton To Be A Man

What he said:

“They are men, they have got to figure it out for themselves.”

McLaren team boss, Martin Whitmarsh, feels that Lewis Hamilton and Felipe Massa are mature  enough to settle their differences themselves minus intermediation.

Hamilton and Massa have clashed six times on the track this season.

Whitmarsh believes that being second within his own team has contributed to Hamilton’s frustrations.

The McLaren team principal said:

Lewis, the great and exciting driver that he is, will not like being beaten by Jenson. For any driver, the first driver you want to beat is your team mate.

Lewis will be feeling under pressure because of the great performances from Jenson at the moment. I don’t want him to enjoy being beaten by his team-mate. I want him to try to beat Jenson, just as I want Jenson to try to beat Lewis.

Jenson Button is second in the individual drivers’ standings with 240 points behind Sebastian Vettel.

What Whitmarsh really meant:

“I’d really prefer it if they could just arm-wrestle instead of damaging my car.”

What Whitmarsh  definitely didn’t:

“Vamos, Massa!”

Formula 1: Indian GP, ‘sporting’ questions and go-karting infrastructure


Sebastian Vettel driving for Scuderia Toro Ros...

Formula 1 happened  at last  on October 30, 2011 at the Buddh International Circuit (BIC) in NOIDA.

The event was awe-inspiring, not for the drivers, teams and entourages; more so for Formula 1 wannabes who flocked to grace the momentous occasion.

It made no difference to Sebastian Vettel; it was just another race to be won—which he did.

I, for one, was not too impressed by the hype and the hoopla.

Sure, the Indian GP showcased the triumph of private entrepreneurship and organisation over government ineptitude; there were no bloopers this time around unlike at the 2010 Commonwealth Games.

A couple of stray dogs and goof-ups in last-minute emergency rehearsals could not disguise the fact that given adequate resources and talent, Indian management can rise to the occasion.

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Ajay Maken: What he said, really meant and definitely did not


Ajay Maken Cannot Be Mistaken For An Item Girl

What he said:

“I am not a star or a celebrity or an item girl, I am only a sports minister.”

Ajay Maken is atypically humble when asked whether he will be present for the inaugural Indian Grand Prix at the Buddh International Circuit in NOIDA.

Sports Minister Maken denied promoters Jaypee Group a Rs. 100 crore tax exemption.

Maken said:

“When I rejected their request for tax exemption and custom duty, then why should I expect an invitation?"

The sports minister added:

"Any tax exemption is as good as granting aid. The P T Usha academy does not have a synthetic track, it is such projects which require government support rather than F1.”

No formal invitation was extended by the Jaypee Group to the minister, a move interpreted by sources in the sports ministry as “a deliberate slight”.

The organisers later revealed that two passes had been sent to the minister’s residence.

What Ajay Maken really meant:

“I’m not one of Bernie Ecclestone’s ‘Go-Go girls’. I’m more of a speed-breaker.”

What Ajay Maken definitely didn’t:

“Is Mayawati going to be there?”

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