Salman Khan: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Salman Khan would rather be a walkabout at Rio.

What he said:

“Since I can only participate in the Olympics if walking were a sport, isiliye main woh hoon jo gaadi ko piche se dhakka de sakta hai  (I’m that vehicle that can push from behind).”

Salman Khan is unperturbed about the controversy on his appointment as the Indian contingent’s Goodwill envoy to the Rio Olympics.

Describing his duties as ambassador, he said:

“I want to charge up the players and see how they are progressing. If we can increase our medal tally compared to last year, it would be great. When that happens, the infrastructure, diet, coaching and other facilities get better. Pehle (ambassador) nahi lekar aaye thay toh theek hai, par ab jab kisi ko lekar aaye hain toh (earlier the players never had an ambassador but now that they do have one ) the players should be encouraged. “

What he really meant:

“I don’t really have a sport and walking’s really not my style either, I’ll be that ambassador who leads the charge from behind—for a change.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“An ambassador is a man (or woman) who lies abroad for his or her country. Look at me, I’m doing it right here—for myself and Indian sport. ”

Salman Khan and Aamir Khan are making a new wrestling film together (Satire)

MUMBAI—

Salman Khan is upset and wishes to make amends.
The Bollywood star was apparently taken aback by all the criticism from various quarters—specifically Yogeshwar Dutt and Milkha Singh—at his appointment as goodwill ambassador to the Rio Olympics by the Indian Olympic Association.
Salman has announced that he and Aamir Khan will join forces and make yet another wrestling movie that will depict the stories of Dutt and Sushil Kumar.
The scion of Salim Khan will play Dutt and Aamir will essay the role of Kumar.
“That’s the least we can do for these magnificent real-life wrestling heroes. And I know how painful wrestling is— after Sultan. In fact, we’ll have Dutt and Kumar perform as body doubles for the shooting of this opus.”

The biopic is titled ‘Pehelwano’.

The Great Khali will be making a special appearance in the picture.

Dutt and Kumar are not so happy about Khali’s appearance grumbling that WWE is mere showmanship and wrestling cannot be about jumping up and down and yelling at your opponents. Kumar added that in the WWE anything goes and most fighting happens outside the ring.

The IOA was unavailable for comment.

Disclaimer: While the characters in this story are real, the tale isn’t. But you knew that already, didn’t you?

Ben Stokes: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Ben Stokes is not comforted by nemesis Carlos Brathwaite’s shirty request.

What he said:

“[Carlos] Brathwaite came and asked me for my shirt at the end, which was pretty strange, looking back on it. You’ve just whacked me and now you want a shirt? I didn’t really need to ask him [for his]. Can’t imagine what I’d use it for. A duvet maybe?”

Ben Stokes gives up his shirt as well to Carlos Brathwaite besides four hits out of bounds.

What he really meant:

“What?!!! You’ve clubbed me for four sixes in a row in a World Cup final and you want the shirt of my back too???!!!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“ Was that a not so subliminal message from Carlos to switch to another sport like soccer, perhaps?”

Sania Mirza: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Sania Mirza works out.

What she said:

“Strong is sexy. I don’t think very skinny is attractive. I think healthy, strong and muscular is extremely attractive.”

Sania Mirza is not confused. She’s a tennis player first and then anything else or everything else.

The Indian tennis diva says:

“I have the kind of body that no matter how much weights I lift, I don’t look muscular – not that I have a problem with anyone looking muscular. I don’t bulk up, I don’t have that body shape or type, which is not a good or bad thing, it is what it is. Tennis is my first priority. If I don’t have tennis, I don’t have anything else. I don’t think anyone wants to photograph me if I’m not playing well. Tennis requires me to have a certain level of fitness and strength, and I’ll do everything I can to get there.”

What she really meant:

“Strong is beautiful. Isn’t that the WTA tag line for their promotional video. Can I say otherwise?”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I wonder why tennis players don’t come in ‘petite’ anymore.”

Carlos Brathwaite: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Carlos Brathwaite is lost for words but not expletives.

What he said:

“”That was amazing man, I wish I could use some expletives on TV to really express how much of a top knock that was.”

West Indies’ final over hero in the T20 World Cup final, Carlos Brathwaite , is all praise for his senior partner Marlon Samuels who held the innings together with a stellar 85 off 66 balls.

Brathwaite said:

“It’s us against the world and someone needed to take responsibility. And today Marlon Samuels after a slow start took responsibility and played a fantastic knock. That was amazing man, I wish I could use some expletives on TV to really express how much of a top knock that was. He did it in 2010, and I knew if Samuels was there in the end, he’ll bring us home in 2016. It was a matter of when and not if.”

The 27-year-old backed his skipper Darren Sammy’s emotional outburst against the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB) saying:

“Most of the nations have more resources than we do, but we have natural talent. It has been said we don’t have brains, that we don’t harness our talent, that we do things off the field that contribute to poor on-field success. But I just want to say being around these guys, that everything we do on and off the field is for the betterment of West Indies, not just the team but also cricket and the region in general.”

On the final over against England’s Ben Stokes:

“It was a little nerve-wracking to be honest, I just tried to stay focused, use my cue words, watch the ball and take some pressure off Marlon. It would have been too hard to give him a single and expect him to do it all. I just had to bite the bullet and try to get a couple of boundaries, which fortunately I did, give God thanks for bringing it home for the people in West Indies.

After the third six I just backed myself, go hard, if it goes in the air I knew Marlon would finish it but I knew I had to be there as close to the end as possible. We continued to back ourselves, back our strength and our strength is hitting boundaries. Once we knew it was manageable we knew we could do it.

I just want say a special mention to everyone in Sargeant’s Village, my family, my friends and especially to Mr Errol Edey, the master bat-maker from the Caribbean.He made this special beauty for me to use in the World Cup and he told me, ‘Carlos, go out there and smash ’em’. Erroll, I did, and now we are world champions.”

What he really meant:

“I’m rendered speechless by the sense of occasion. Would expletives do instead?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Hey, Virat, can you teach me a few of those choicest Punjabi and Hindi abuses, my maan?”

Joan Rivers: Running

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
—Joan Rivers.

Roger Federer: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Roger Federer totes up Francesco Totti.

What he said:

“It’s a good joke, but there’s some truth in it because, in a certain sense, we belong to another species.”

Roger Federer is feeling his age as he jokingly responds to a reporter’s query whether he and the 39-year-old Roma star, Francesco Totti, should be provided protection by the World Wildlife Fund (WWF).

He added:

“Francesco and I embody our respective sports. What he has done for football is unrivalled. He’s an example, a contemporary icon.

No one should tell you when to stop, it’s such an intimate and personal decision.

If he wants to keep on going, I’m right behind him. With me, he’s always been super nice. This year, if I see him, I’ll be asking him for some restaurant tips.”

Totti’s employers are still undecided whether to offer the icon an extension—a record 24th year at Roma.

The Italian is the second-highest ever goal scorer in the Serie A notching up 244 goals. The all-time record holder is Silvio Piola with 274.

What Federer really meant:

“Us ageing superstars of sport—we’re an endangered species , relics of another age. We’re dinosaurs, really.”

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he definitely didn’t:

“Totti, myself and Po—we’re Kung Fu Panda 3.”

Marlon Samuels: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Marlon Samuels faces off with Shane Warne.

What he said:

“Maybe I have a real face and he doesn’t.”

Marlon Samuels was not a gracious winner despite his match-winning knock in the World T20 final at Kolkata against England.

The volatile West Indian was quick to let loose a volley at his long-time bete-noire Shane Warne dedicating his man-of-the-match award to the Australian spin king turned commentator.

The duo have a history of clashes dating back to the second edition of the Big Bash league.

Samuels said:

“I woke up this morning with one thing on my mind. Shane Warne has been talking continuously and all I want to say is ‘this is for Shane Warne’. I answer with the bat, not the mic. I played a Test series in Australia (in January 2016) and Shane Warne has a problem with me. Don’t know why. I’ve never disrespected him. It seems that he has a lot inside him that needs to come out. I don’t appreciate the way he continues to talk about me and the things that he keeps doing.”

The facial jibe was a reference to Warne having admitted to using Botox in the past.

What he really meant:

“It’s my turn to face the mike. Warney, can you stand the music?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’d really like a bearded and moustachioed Warne, wouldn’t you?”

Shane Warne. At the WACA gound on 15/10/2006 Photo taken by me – user:Moondyne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Shanthakumaran Sreesanth: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Sreesanth would have been a Scottish tearaway.

What he said:

“All I wanted to do was go to Scotland, study, settle there and marry a blonde.”

Shanthakumaran Sreesanth admits that he was never interested in politics when he was young.

The banned fast bowler turned politician is standing for elections to the Kerala State Assembly on a BJP ticket.

He laughs:

“When I was younger, I was not interested in politics or even knowing about the ruling party. All I wanted to do was go to Scotland, study, settle there and marry a blonde.But my life changed because I decided to stay back.”

Sreesanth’s father was a Communist leader.

On questioned if politics is merely a shortcut to return to cricket, the ex-cricketer replied:

“My decision to join politics has nothing to do with my personal life. The first time I was asked to contest (from Madhya Pradesh) was two years ago when I had just gotten married. So if I wanted a shortcut, I could have done that back then. I haven’t even spoken to Anurag Thakur yet. Even after being given a clean chit by the court, I was told very clearly that the (BCCI life) ban will remain. I am not someone who looks for favours — in fact, I was not even the most liked player by my captains.”

Power is what draws him to this game of Russian roulette.

He adds:

“Power is everything. But there was no support till I won the (match-fixing) case.If I can change somebody’s life with a bit of power and help from the government, that’s the best gift I can give someone. I am done with the game……I am putting it on hold for now.”

What he really meant:

“Life was simpler when I was younger. I had simple dreams and Hollywood tastes.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“If I were to do that now, would you term that getting away Scot-free?”

Ravichandran Ashwin: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Ravichandran Ashwin’s cheeky advice is not tested.

What he said:

“I probably gave him a cheeky idea to try a mankad in the end. We might have taken flak, but why not.”

India’s Ravichandran Ashwin claims that he wasn’t averse to his teammate Hardik Pandya running out his Bangladeshi opponents in the final over of the crucial group encounter played at Bengaluru last evening.

The controversial method of getting batsmen out has been in the news ever since West Indian Keemo Paul mankaded a Zimbabwean player in the recent Under-19 ODI World Cup.

Pandya didn’t have to resort to such an eventuality; his skipper ran out Mustafizur Rahman at his end to clinch the game for India by one run.

What he really meant:

“The Mankad’s not illegal and a win is a win by any legal means.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Hardik Pandya and I  wouldn’t take a running start at the bowler’s end were my team in the same situation.”