humor

Caroline Wozniacki: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Caroline Wozniacki vows not to exhaust herself in 2015.

Caroline Wozniacki at 2008 US Open (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What she said:

“My only problem with Serena is that I’m tired of losing to her. So I told her, Watch out, I’m coming for you in 2015.​”

Caroline Wozniacki nominated her good friend and fellow competitor on the WTA tour Serena Williams for this year’s Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year.

In a heartfelt  essay, the Dane said:

“When you go through hard times, you find out who your true friends are, and Serena Williams was one of the first people to be there for me when my engagement unraveled last spring. She didn’t have to support me—she has her own life, her own problems and her own career to worry about—but she was there when I needed someone to lean on the most. We talked on the phone, and she told me that it was going to be hard to recover, but that when I did get to the other side, I was going to be a stronger person. And now I am.”

She added:

“Serena is always concerned about her family and friends. She stays true to her word and never changes her personality for anyone or anything. Throughout her career she has remained consistent as a person, and I think that is really admirable.

…When you play against Serena, you are playing against a fighter and a fierce competitor, but off the court, she is great to the fans and her friends and family. I think that shows a great athlete and a proper champion.”

What she really meant:

“And I’ve got marathon muscle twitch fibre to do it too. It’s going to be a long year, Serena.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I’ve done one better than you this year, Serena. And that’s at the New York City marathon. That’s good enough for me, buddy.”

Emmanuel Petit: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Emmanuel Petit calls for a Franco-German union (well, almost).

What he said:

“France is hypocritical and cowardly. Sometimes I think that if we’d been overrun by the Germans, we’d be better run.”

Former France midfielder Emmanuel Petit is disgusted with the way the French national press have consistently treated his former team-mate Thierry Henry. Henry recently announced that he will be quitting the New York Red Bulls after four and a half years. The French forward is mulling retiring from the game. He is 37.

Petit said:

“In England, they’ve built a statue of Thierry. That means a lot. He is revered there. This bad image [in the French press] of Thierry Henry, it annoys me. What can we reproach Henry for? His handball against Ireland? He helped France qualify for the World Cup in South Africa. He has done nothing.”

He added:

“Wayne Rooney is not hated in England, even though he was not always right in his boots on the field and off. Thierry Henry never had a bad move on the pitch and there were no stories in his private life.

He’s not hated but he’s certainly not loved. He got screwed by the French press after his handball and has since not spoken to the French media.

In France, he has no collusion with the press, so what? Perhaps because he was not smiling when he scored for Les Bleus! Well, that’s what I hate in this country.

I have great difficulty with the French, I have never seen such arrogant, smug, lying and hypocritical people.”

Arsène Wenger, French football manager. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger said:

“He(Henry) is an Arsenal man. The best moment certainly of his life and of his career has been experienced here. Certainly one day he will come back here. In what role I don’t know, that is what he has to think about: what direction he wants to give to his next life.”

He added:

“Thierry has all the qualities because he is intelligent, committed, he loves the game. He just has to think, ‘Do I want to sacrifice all the rest of my life to be involved in that job?’

Yes [he can still do a job as a player], but 37 today in the Premier League … I don’t think he wants to do that again.

Thierry has given a lot, he has come out [of the Premier League] with an image that is fantastic. I am not sure that he wants to play again in the Premier League.

I don’t think he wants to carry on. That is a virtual world.”

What Petit really meant:

“Why couldn’t the French press be like the Argentines and simply term the handball incident the ‘Hand of God’ or, at least, the ‘Hand of Henry’? Why be critical of your best player and label him a cheat? It’s a national disgrace.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’ve got my history wrong. The French were overrun—twice. That’s why the French press is so rabid towards fellow Frenchmen. They’re Deutsch in disguise.”

Mario Balotelli: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Mario Balotelli hashes it up on Instagram.

What he said:

“Not all Mexicans have a moustache, not all black people jump high and not all Jewish people love money.”

Irreverent Italian striker Mario Balotelli is in the news again for all the wrong reasons.

The Liverpool forward stirred up some soup for himself with a controversial post on Instagram.

Balotelli was quick to delete his post in the face of a barrage of on-line and offline criticism.

And was even quicker to attempt damage control.

His first tweeted response:

He followed it with:

Anti-discrimination group Kick It Out has forwarded the offending post to the Football Association. FA has set a deadline of 18:00 GMT Friday the 12th for the Italian to provide a cogent defence for his anti-Semitic remark.

Speaking to BBC, a Liverpool spokesman said:

“We are aware of the posting which has since been promptly deleted by the player. We will be speaking to the player about the issue.”

Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers said:

“I don’t know hardly anything about it, I have been busy getting the team ready for this game.

I will probably find out more about it.”

Jewish Leadership Council chief executive Simon Johnson, a former FA executive, said:

“We abhor all forms of racism, wherever it is found. We call upon the FA to investigate this offensive social media post and to take action if appropriate if we are to succeed in kicking racism out of football.”

Sports media trainer Alec Wilkinson added his bit:

“There are those that are famous, earn lots of money, with a sky-high profile, who think ‘What can you teach me? I can say what I like, it won’t damage me. We spend a lot of time explaining to them it’s good for them to take the pressure off themselves, to understand how the media works, how you can offend people.”

What Balotelli really meant:

“You know something, I suddenly realized that stereotypes, racial or not, are funny only until they’re not. Now the joke’s on Finally Mario.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m going to grow a moustache, play basketball instead and take a pay cut.”

N Srinivasan: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

N Srinivasan is not resigned to his fate.

What he said:

“Why should I ask him to resign?”

N Srinivasan is not conflicted about whether he should retain Indian skipper MS Dhoni as an India Cements Limited employee and Chennai Super Kings captain.

The beleaguered BCCI chief was rapped by the Supreme Court for a conflict of interest in the hearing on the Mudgal commission report’s investigation into the IPL spot-fixing scandal.

Replying to reporters as to what Dhoni’s role was at ICL, the ICC chairman snapped:

“Why should I tell you?

What he really meant:

“Who am I to ask Dhoni to quit while I don’t? Why should he? Is he my son-in-law?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Am I my CSK team’s skipper’s keeper?”

Ravichandran Ashwin: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Ravichandran Ashwin seeks an oasis in cricket’s desert.

What he said:

“For me, a bowler will always be a mirage and a batsman will always be water.”

Ravichandran Ashwin opens up to BCCI.tv about the game he cherishes so much.

On what’s hardest about being a bowler in a sport that’s loaded more-and-more towards the batsman:

“There are so many small aspects that condition your mind based on whether you are a bowler or a batsman. For a bowler, the best number he can achieve in an innings is 10 but for a batsman there is no limit. The mirage of numbers is very big and it dilutes the importance of what a bowler can do. It brings inequality in how mediocrity is measured for a bowler and a batsman. For me, a bowler will always be a mirage and a batsman will always be water.”

Other gems from the rare chat from the heart include:

On his action becoming more side-on:

“It’s not like I have suddenly gotten more side-on and made the change abruptly. I have been working on it since I started to play international cricket. I have played around with the angle of my action throughout my career and so, it is not something totally new. When you’re trying to get into different positions in your action, it’s about stability and how repeatable the action is. These are the things that get compromised when it comes to positioning of your body at the crease. Your strength and core stability matters a lot at the crease. The strength of the core is as important for a spinner as it is for a fast bowler because you’ve got to transfer your weight towards the batsman’s direction. If you ask me whether it is difficult to change that position, I would say it isn’t. That doesn’t mean I can turn up tomorrow and do it but because everything can be worked out, adjusted, practised and put into place. What’s important is the willingness to accept change, practice and conviction.”

Expounding on the mystery balls of modern cricket:

“To bowl a doosra, you have to be more open-chested. And an open-chested action brings along all the other shortcomings. There have been many open-chested off-spinners in the past. I used to be a semi-open bowler when I started but then I learned to be more side-on. There are certain complexities when it comes to a bowler’s action and there is no one general rule that applies. But it is nearly impossible to bowl a doosra with a side-on action.

The carom ball is very different in that regards because it is all about how you flick your finger at the time of release. Here, the action doesn’t matter but the release point does. There are a lot of adaptations of the carom ball. You can get your arm a little side-on, try to get it a little hyper-extended or you can change the angle by keeping your chest open. On different wickets different things might work. You will have to put yourself in all scenarios in a bid to determine the best method for a particular pitch.”

Is he an over-thinker?

“It is something that people can tag you with and I don’t think I am an over-thinker. There is a fair amount of sensible thinking that is there. When your sensible thinking is beaten by someone else, it becomes over-thinking on your part. The whole idea of playing this game is to try and out-smart the other set of 11 people. I never have to tell myself to control what I am thinking because it is probably my strongest asset. Someone else might achieve success using brute force but for me it’s all about trying to analyse the game, and I do it a way that works for me. There is no boundary to determine what amount of thinking is right and when it becomes over-thinking. Perfect thinking is just that tipping point where everything works.”

On bowling rhythm:

“When you’re in rhythm, it all comes out as a poem. But when a bowler is not in rhythm, he tries to find it. In that bid there are a lot of things that can go wrong. You hurry up to the crease, you finish a little faster or later, you try to spin the ball harder and it comes out a touch late, or you toss it up a bit more – all these things happen.”

On bowling in a full-sleeved shirt recently:

“I wasn’t trying to suggest anything. But I felt that if there is an advantage to be gained, why should I lag behind in gaining it? If the ICC is allowing 15 degrees then why shouldn’t I make the most of it? But doing it all of a sudden is very difficult. So, I did go through some practice and I have also done it a few IPL games. People actually don’t pick on these things unless it’s come out and spoken about. Probably I didn’t exceed 15 degrees because my arm is ramrod straight. But I have been trying the doosra on and off for about two years in IPL and I even bowl it in the nets to see how it goes. I wanted to give it a try in an international game and I would feel really shy and conscious doing it in a half sleeved shirt. So, I turned up wearing full sleeves.”

On the recent crackdown in bowling actions:

“… if the game is to move forward, dodgy actions have to be weeded out.”

On spin bowling being an art or a science:

“It’s pure art as far as I am concerned. There is no brute force; it’s all about subtlety, how supple your fingers are and how much of revolution you can give on the ball. You can deploy science to the process but what you deliver is art. Cricket can never be beaten by science and I can give that to you in writing. A cricketer can never be modeled by science alone, but a cricketer can be made better by science.”

Do cricketers live in a bubble?

“I have heard of the bubble and have seen people living in it. First, I don’t live in a bubble. The bubble forms when your success brings about a massive change in your lifestyle and your relationships with the world. For me, even today, the thing that makes me the happiest is to take a walk around my house with my wife and family or to take my dogs out for a walk. I genuinely believe that staying away from the bubble shouldn’t be a problem. When I am loitering around in the area I live in, the chai wala and all other shopkeepers know me, say hello to me and are happy to see me. They have watched me grow up and they’re like family to me. Interaction with a common man is never a problem with me. At times you do feel egoistic but it’s your ego and you can beat it. I surely can. As far as the post-retirement blues are concerned, I believe it depends on how you live your life while you are playing cricket.”

What Ashwin really meant:

 “It’s much more difficult for a bowler to get a fifer in an innings than for a batsman to get a hundred. The probability is much lower. It boils down to what’s more achievable, more attainable. Becoming a batsman is more real and the returns more tangible.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Yes, I’m making a case for India to take on Pakistan in the Abu Dhabi desert. How’s that for a mirage?”

Saina Nehwal: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Saina Nehwal makes no song-and-dance about her name or her (almost) namesake—merely her achievements.

What she said:

“If you’re starting your career and you have a name that is similar to a celebrity, it also gives you an added advantage.”

Saina Nehwal is not in the shadows anymore—certainly not Sania Mirza’s.

Speaking to Mint Indulge, the No.1 Indian woman badminton player said:

“For me, badminton is my love. And I was persuaded by my parents to follow it when I was quite young, say around eight years old. I have still not taken it as a profession, rather I take it as my duty and I enjoy it a lot. I have also been helped by the sacrifices that my family has made, the hard work of the coaches I worked with, the support of the financiers, love of the fellow countrymen and, of course, blessings of the almighty. But my parents are the producers of this badminton project. That is why I am here in badminton. Also, I love badminton because it does not know the boundaries of caste, creed, religion and nationality.”

Sania Mirza at the 2009 US Open (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

About the media and Indian public initially confusing her with Sania Mirza, Indian women’s tennis icon, Nehwal responded:

“I think hard work pays. If you’re starting your career and you have a name that is similar to a celebrity, it also gives you an added advantage. She was an established player when I started and I might actually have been helped by her name in the past. Now that I too am doing some good work, people know me as Saina Nehwal and it feels good.”

What she really meant:

“What’s in a name? We’re both roses of Indian sport and how we arose. Who cares if I’m Sania Nehwal and she’s Saina Mirza? Besides, we’re both in the same racquet, aren’t we? They’re both racquet sports.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Now if they’d only allow us badminton players to wear those cool skirts and tops like tennis players, I’d be a cool diva too.”

Jose Mourinho: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Jose Mourinho throws a fit.

English: José Mourinho (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Embed from Getty Images


What he said:

“Get a masters and become a doctor before you talk about my players’ fitness.”

Spanish midfielder and Chelsea stalwart Cesc Fabregas is displeased with the criticism from his countryman Sergio Ramos for not turning up for national duty. Fabregas missed two games for Spain—out with a hamstring injury.

Ramos, however,  is no a paragon of virtue and holds the record for the most number of red cards by a Real Madrid player. He once left a match early to catch a bullfight.

Fabregas said:

“Yes I felt that I was the one being alluded to and I already told Sergio what I thought.It p—– you off when your commitment is questioned, of course it p—– you off. There have been a lot of matches and training camps I have turned up for without playing.I have made 94 appearances for Spain and for nine years I have always come, always. And with a smile from ear to ear.I said to Ramos he can call me on the telephone and say it to my face. I told him we have been playing together since the under-21s and there is no need to send messages in the media. But everything is fine.”

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho characteristically  minced few words in responding to Ramos.

Mourinho said:

Since I’ve known Sergio Ramos he has been a fantastic football player, but he is not a doctor. He is not a doctor and I am the same. I do my job the best I can but I am not a doctor.My doctor and the doctor of the Spanish national team, they had the scans and they decided that the player was not in the condition to play.

I am nobody to go against it and I don’t think Sergio did a medicine Masters in the last couple of years to understand about it. Kompany didn’t play for Belgium against Wales and he played today. Has he a compromise with his national team? I think he has. He is the captain of Belgium.

Did he, how do you say, ‘cheat’ by not playing against Wales to play today? I don’t think he did. So we all accept that he was injured.

I trust my doctor 100 per cent. If Del Bosque doesn’t trust his doctor that is his problem not my problem. I speak with my doctor and I believe in what my doctor tells me. Nothing else. No problem.

Fabregas was in a doubtful situation, Diego no. Diego recovered totally from his problem with these two weeks that he had to rest and to improve his injury.

Fabregas is different. Fabregas survived. Diego no, Diego now is in great condition.”

Sergio Ramos (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he really meant:

“I’m not a doctor. You’re not a doctor. Should we even be discussing this? Fabregas was the patient and he needed your patience, not your allegations.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I don’t trust our team doctor, so call me when you finish your degree. I have a vacancy to fill.”

Arsene Wenger: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Arsene Wenger needs a dictionary badly.

Arsène Wenger in training. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he said:

“When you are such a long time in football as I am, you don’t understand any more what crisis means. I must get to the dictionary and look at it well again.”

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger responds to majority shareholder Alisher Usmanov’s critical remarks about his team management.

Usmanov said:

“My opinion – and I tell it openly – we need to strengthen every position to play on the level of such teams in (the) U.K. as Chelsea and Manchester City, in Europe like Real (Madrid), Barcelona, Paris Saint-Germain, (Bayern Munich) and other clubs.

Arsenal is a dream that sometimes becomes a mirage and sometimes a pain as every dream.

(The) potential of the team is there, but there is no critical evaluation of mistakes and they need to need to acknowledge them. Because no genius can retain the same level of genius if they do not acknowledge mistakes. It’s only when you admit your mistakes that you can get rid of them.”

He added:

“Arsene Wenger is one of the greatest coaches not just of European but of world football.

But we have a Russian proverb which goes: ‘Even an old lady can have a roof falling on her.’ Everybody makes mistakes. He can make mistakes and I know as you age that it is more difficult, more challenging to accept one’s mistakes. Maybe it’s a problem today.

I like Arsene for his principles, but principles are a sort of restriction. And restrictions are always lost possibilities. That’s why sometimes coaches even without principles became the coaches of great teams and some coaches with principles lose because some positions in team are vacant because of ethical, moral or personal views.

Does he have money or not? There is officially money in the club. How does he spend [it]? This decision investors have left with him. I wish them victories, because their victories are the victories of investors, including myself, and of great Arsenal fans, which deserve these victories.”

Arsene Wenger dismissed Usmanov’s remarks:

“During the 18 years I have been here I have shown that I can take criticism. Everybody has the right to have an opinion, having said that, we have values at this club.

The first one is when we go through a difficult patch, we show solidarity. That is a very important one. The second one is that, when you have something to say to each other, we say it face to face. We don’t need to go to the newspapers.

I don’t take [Usmanov’s comments]personally at all. It is an opinion I respect, but when you are from this club, you are from this club. You are in or out, you cannot be both.

I am long enough in the game to know that when you play well, but lose the game, you get flooded with critics, however, if you play a very bad game, but you win it, everyone says how great you are.

It is our job to take a distance with that and see what was right and what was wrong. The rest is part of the game.

What is important is how close we are together inside the club and how much we can respond to people who question our quality. I personally feel there is a very strong bond inside the team and the club, and that this team will have a very strong season.

I believe in what I do and I especially believe in my players, and in their quality and spirit. I question myself every day and I hope you do that as well.”

What he really meant:

 “Hmm… now should I look up sub-heading ‘team crisis’ or ‘personal crisis’?”

What he definitely didn’t:

 “I’m going to be studying Russian proverbs instead—specifically the ones with old women in them.”

Saeed Ajmal: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Saeed Ajmal is in the failed 99 percentile.

What he said:

“I think 99% of bowlers these days would fail the 15 degree test for at least one or more of their deliveries.”

Ace Pakistani off-spinner Saeed Ajmal is confident that he will beat the 15 degree flex rule and return in time for the 2015 World Cup.

Speaking to PakPassion.net, the banned bowler said:

“I’m very pleased with the assessment of Dr. King. It was very heartening to hear what he had to say. I was expecting a reduction to about 30 degrees but to see that some deliveries are down to 20 degrees is fantastic and positive news for me.

Also, what is really encouraging is that most of my deliveries are now within the 15 degree limit. The ICC’s rules of course stipulate that all deliveries have to be under 15 degrees and I’m very confident that I will achieve that target with the help of [former Pakistan offspinner] Saqlain Mushtaq and all the other individuals who are helping me and guiding me.”

On bowling the doosra:

“I’m working hard on adjusting the doosra to ensure that it is also under 15 degrees and I’m confident that I will manage to do that.”

Ajmal feels that the 15-degree limit is too strict.

He said:

“I think 99% of bowlers these days would fail the 15 degree test for at least one or more of their deliveries. I also think that the technology being used in match situations to assess bowling actions is too strict. I think they should use the normal television cameras to assess our bowling actions, but instead what is being used are cameras that can virtually see the blood running though our bodies.”

On whether the doosra will die out:

“No I don’t believe that will be the case. The doosra is an art and a weapon to use against batsmen. God willing when I am back playing international cricket, I will bowl the doosra with the same venom that I always have done. The doosra is part of my repertoire and a delivery that I intend to continue bowling in future.”

What he really meant:

“Well, if they bowl like me, they surely will. And the doosra, oh, for sure.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m trying to be an off-spinner in the classical mould. None of these newfangled outlandish deliveries for me.”

Maria Sharapova: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Maria Sharapova’s beauty is skin-deep.

What she said:

“People always ask me about my beauty routine, but I think that beauty always comes in the way that you take care of your skin—not in the makeup you put on your face.”

Maria Sharapova talks shop, food, drink and beauty with Yahoo! Beauty.

What she really meant:

“Skin-care and exercise—that’s my big secret. But don’t tell anyone especially all the companies chasing me for celebrity endorsements.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I guess I’ll be chucking my Avon deal soon enough—now that you know.”

Maria Sharapove (Photo credit: Wikipedia)