satire

Four Reasons Why It Could Be Federer All The Way At Flushing Meadows

The Poached Egg

The hiring of Paul Annacone as coach appears a masterstroke in hindsight. Federer’s results and ranking since have shown an upward trajectory.

He has reached two consecutive finals: The Rogers Cup and Cincinatti Masters, winning the latter.

A new resilience and a willingness to slug it out with the best of them exemplify Federer’s ascendant star. He expects no easy wins and is willing to stay the course. This was so not the case earlier when Federer’s opponents were  overawed by his reputation and gifted away easy victories.

The mortality of Federer has unlocked a new stream of consciousness in his opponents  that there is life in professional tennis despite his looming presence.

As to how Annacone has added luster to Federer’s glory, the answer is still in the realm of  speculation.

Roger, what is it? Is it validation? Is it motivation? Is it technical? Or is he a trophy coach?

Either way, Annacone is there to egg Federer on to his sixth US Open title.

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Dhoni’s pressing concerns

Image via Wikipedia

Post another inept batting display aided by a slew of umpiring errors, Team India slid to an abysmal loss against the Lankans on Sunday at Dambulla.

However, this article is not going to lament another inconsistent performance by Dhoni’s boys. There is probably enough media coverage of the defeat.Nor am I one of those who like to get down to it as the match progresses or as soon as it finishes.

An interesting sideshow of yesterday’s loss was that MS Dhoni and his boys refused to attend the press conference that immediately follows the match. This caused the print journalists to throw up their arms in frustration  and boycott the press conference.

The captain was ostensibly busy playing football when the scribes frantically tried to contact him. What a s(h)occer!

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Yuvraj Singh: What a boy!

Yuvraj Singh now has a brand new sobriquet ‘ Water Boy’. No, it’s not a reference to the movie of the same name starring Adam Sandler.

A few inebriated fans at the 3rd Test Match between India and Sri Lanka decided that they were not quite ‘having a ball’ imbibing various liquors,the cricket was not entertaining enough and hence decided to vent their spleen on the players and cricketing officials.

Yuvraj Singh was the target of their ire; ‘water boy’ was the insult they came up with when he was performing 12th man duties for the Indian team.

Yuvraj Singh, however, was not one to take it lying down and decided to retaliate in kind.

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Adios, Murali: The Final Musketeer

Suddenly there were none!

The Galle test this week brought down the curtain on the career of the last of the three spinning maestros of this generation.

Much has already been written about Muttiah Muralitharan’s exit from the cricketing stage, and many more reams of paper will be consumed describing his exploits in his swan song test at Galle. Murali ended his Test career on a high against his Indian opponents claiming the requisite eight wickets to perch himself atop the summit of 800 wickets – master of all he surveys – in the process ensuring victory for his Sri Lankan teammates.

Murali , Shane Warne and Anil Kumble were the foremost exponents of spin bowling of this generation. Each alike the other but yet very dissimilar. Will there be any more  like them?

They were the three Musketeers of spin bowling; their sovereign – the Art Of Spin Bowling. Come flat tracks, come bouncy ones, come true ones, come lousy ones, come under-prepared ones, come turners,come rain, come shine, they were forever on call to serve their master, to do him proud. All-weather heroes, I term them!

A Song and Dance about Tiger!

Image via Wikipedia

A dialogue between Tiger Woods and his estranged wife Elin Nordegreen, using lyrics of popular songs:

Tiger:

(Song Islands In The Stream – Kenny Rogers)

Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other, ah ha
From one lover to another, ah ha

Elin:

(Song: Please Release Me – Engelbert Humperdnick)

Please, release me, let me go,
For I don’t love you anymore.
To waste our lives would be a sin,
Release me and let me love again.

Tiger:

(Song : Kiss Me Quick – Elvis Presley)

Kiss me quick, while we still have this feeling
Hold me close and never let me go
‘Cause tomorrows can be so uncertain
Love can fly and leave just hurting
Kiss me quick because I love you so
Kiss me quick and make my heart go crazy
Sigh that sigh and whisper oh so low
Tell me that tonight will last forever
Say that you will leave me never
Kiss me quick because I love you so
Let the band keep playing while we are swaying
Let’s keep on praying that we’ll never stop
Kiss me quick just can’t stand this waiting
‘Cause your lips are lips I long to know
Oh that kiss will open heaven’s door
And we’ll stay there forevermore
Kiss me quick because I love you so

Elin:

(Song: Outsider – Cliff Richards)

Someone else is in your arms tonight
While Im all alone and blue
Someone else will kiss and hold you tight
Just the way I used to do
I used to be your love
And now Im your used to be
Outsider, thats me
Youll be dancing cheek to cheek with her
To our favorite melody
And the tender words you speak to her
Will be words you spoke to me
Once I was in your hearts
Now someone else holds the key
Outsider, thats me
*I want you so much (so much)
I can look (you can look) but must not touch
I keep waiting for the phone to ring
But I know its all in vain
When you left me you took everything
But the memories and the pain
I used to be your love
And now Im your used to be
Outsider, thats me
(Repeat from * )
Outsider, thats me

Tiger:

(Song: Miss You Nights – Cliff Richards)

I’ve had many times
I can tell you
Times when innocence I’d trade for company
And children saw me crying
I thought I’d had my share of that
But these miss you nights
Are the longest
Midnight diamonds
Stud my heaven
Southward burning
Lie the jewels that burn my place
And the warm winds
That embrace me
Just as surely kissed your face
Yeah these miss you nights
Are the longest
How I miss you
I’m not likely to tell
I’m a (wo)man and cold day light
Buys the pride I’d rather sell
All my secrets
Are a wasted affair
You know them well
Thinking of my going
How to cut the thread
And leave it all behind
Looking windward for my compass
I take each day as it arrives
But these miss you nights
Are the longest
Lay down all thoughts of your surrender
It’s only me who’s killing time
Lay down all dreams and themes once remembered
It’s just the same
This miss you game
Yeah these miss you nights
Are the longest.

Elin:

(Song: It’s All Over – Cliff Richards)

It’s all over, didn’t even cry,
I just stopped living when you said goodbye.
It’s all over, didn’t feel a thing,
I just stopped living – couldn’t stand the pain.
Heather grows like leaves in September
Looks as fresh in spring
Love that warms like summer sun
Shouldn’t die when winter comes.
It’s all over, didn’t even cry,
I just stopped living when you said goodbye.

Tiger:

(In High Falsetto)

(Song: Goodbye Sam , Hello Samantha – Cliff Richards)

(Requiem to Golf & Guys anthem)

Goodbye Sam hello Samantha
Goodbye Sam hello Samantha
Sam, I’m leavin’ the gang
so don’t come around for me on Sunday.
Joe, I want you to know
I’ll have to skip the game on Monday.
Had a whole lot of fun
but now the time has come
I need the sweet touch of a woman’s love.
Goodbye Sam hello Samantha
goodbye Joe hello Joanne.
suddenly need a new kind of company
someone to love me.
Goodbye Sam hello Samantha
goodbye Lou hello Louise.
From today there’ll be new games
for me to play
So good luck and goodbye Sam.
Guys you ought-a get wise
there’s more to the world than pool and fishin’.
easy ridin’ is fine
but look around see what you’re missin’.
girls are waitin’ in line
and now has come the time
I’m goin’ out and I’m gonna get me some.
Goodbye Sam hello Samantha
goodbye Joe hello Joanne.
suddenly need a new kind of company
someone to love me.
Goodbye Sam hello Samantha
goodbye Lou hello Louise.
From today there’ll be new games

for me to play
So good luck and goodbye Sam.

________________________________________-

Have a good one!

The Woody Woody feeling!

Tiger’s got that woody feeling all over again!

He thought  it was the feel of the woods in his hands!

But no, its not that woody feel!

Its the wooden replies he gives out on his site!

Oh, what a dilemma!

To play or not to play!

In more ways , than one!

Elin’s not biting the bait!

Tiger’s out for privacy on Privacy,

But the censure has just not stopped!

Accenture has added censure !

After Gilette pulled the plug saying.

“Tiger, you may be a tiger,

In more ways than one,

But we don’t think you’re sharp enough,

And that just won’t do!”

Tiger now feels completely wrong ,

about the woody feeling too!

Its more of a woolly , woolly feeling!

And he thought he was smooth with the wool!

Tiger, you’re just not cool!

Take a holiday! Take a break!

Let the heat cool off!

And we’ll see you sizzle again!

With the woods! Out of the woods! On the greens!

____________________________________________________

Have a good one! Have a good day!

Not yet out of the Woods!

The latest scandal to hit the sporting world concerns Tiger Woods and his tumultuous private life.

With all the salacious details of his secret trysts and rendezvous with a bevy of beauties making the press rounds and bar-room conversations, Tiger is just one among  the long list of heroes (our modern day demi-gods)  who have been shown to have feet of clay. Like many before, (e.g. Beckham and Shane Warne), once the shit hits the fan, the fan keeps whirling and soon the whole room is full of crap!

But before we dwell on Tiger’s indiscretions, let us first note his sporting prowess! Together with Federer, he is the among the best sportsmen of this generation, in any individual sport. With his 14 Slams and Federer’s 15, they both epitomise sporting excellence at its very best. There are perhaps, arguably other contenders but those are in team sports; individual sporting excellence belongs in a separate category and is of a superior pedigree.

Perhaps, there is an argument here that team sportspersons are better family men! But Shane Warne and Beckham are posits against that argument! So no, there’s no likelihood that that hypothesis is ever going to be proved true! Sounds more like a canard to me!

The latest news flash states that Elin, his wife, insists that he now spend more time with family and put golf on the back-burner. That would be an immense shame because we are unlikely to see such grace and power on a golf course for a very long time. Before Tiger, golf was the white man’s last sporting bastion but Tiger with his powerful driving stormed this citadel and crowned himself the unchallenged prince of the sport.

Tiger is said to have numerous trysts with long-legged beauties and also solicited ‘ladies of the night’. For some weird reason, it seems to be less of  crime or sin to have been a solicitor ; its just a transaction and then its done with no complications. Anyway, that does not , in my opinion, make it less of a reason for censure. It just seems a weird distortion of justice that something transacted so casually and coldly is a more pardonable offense! Maybe that’s just my middle class morality or my Catholic upbringing, but it just seems a warped sense of values there!

So what next for Tiger? Will we see him on the golf links again? I certainly hope so! If any golfer in history deserves to go past the ‘Great Bear’, Jack Nicklaus, it is certainly Tiger Woods. No , Tiger may not be out of the woods, but for the glory and beauty of golf, he should be soon!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/12/sports/golf/12woods.html?th&emc=th