IPL

Saurav Ganguly, the unseen force in West Bengal politics (Satire)

Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee has squarely blamed Shah Rukh Khan and his Kolkatta Knight Riders for the CPI(M)–led Left Front’s abysmal showing in the West Bengal assembly elections.

“The absence of Saurav Ganguly from KKR ranks upset the general populace. There was no anti-incumbency , no tiredness with 34 years of ‘misrule’, not even Nandigram,” said the veteran political leader.

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What he said,really meant and definitely didn’t: Shane Warne

What he said:

“It is like the past, you can’t change what happened in the past. If I thought about what happened in my past I could be in a straightjacket and padded cell somewhere.”

Shane Warne on his attitude coaching the Rajasthan Royals , focusing on what he has rather than what he hasn’t.

What he really meant:

“You can only do things with what you have, not with stuff you don’t. You don’t have that stuff anyway, why worry about it? You could go nuts.”

“The past is writ in stone; today’s the clay for tomorrow’s masterpiece.”

“Simply put, do make do!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I deserve to be in a straightjacket and padded cell.”

“It’s just not spinning balls I’m good at, yarns too! Yeah, I’m no Mahatma, though!”

Team India for West Indies ODIs announced: Gambhir leads

A point of similarity between Gabriela Pasqualotto and Mahendra Singh Dhoni:

Until today, the two were content playing the game “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t”.

Pasquallotto, of course, was referring to whether she’d make her story public to the tabloids.

She will—if she’s paid and if she’s allowed to write it herself. Fair enough.

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What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Jacques Kallis

What he said:

“I am an easy man to please and one of the greatest pleasures is taking money off Mark Boucher on the golf course.”

Jacques Kallis finds SA and Kolkatta Knightriders team-mate easy meat on the links.

What he really meant:

“Pocket money’s always welcome.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’d continue playing Mark is if I kept losing.”

Shilpa Shetty loses her mobile phone: The real story

Rahul Gandhi and the SMS Pitch (Satire)

JAIPUR—

Sources within the Congress(I) and the BCCI have—in confidence—revealed that the real reason Rahul Gandhi is in police custody is because the Rajasthan Cricket Association (RCA) is miffed with the Congress’ General Secretary and are considering charging him with damaging the Sawai Mansingh cricket pitch.

It is understood that Rahul Gandhi wished to get a feel for farming before he launched his campaign supporting UP farmers. He believed that doing some ‘fielding’ on his own would lend authenticity to the Congress’ support.

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Gabriella Pasqualotta bares all (Satire)

Gabriella Pasqualotta—the South African cheerleader ejected for telling tales on IPL cricketers—revealed all in an exclusive interview to MakeTimeForSports.

The long-legged blonde said: “I have been victimised not for blogging about cricketers and their boorish behaviour but simply because I chose to disclose all in the English language. Had I written my blog in Afrikaans or Swahili, I could have got away scot-free.”

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What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Adam Gilchrist

What he said:

“He’s come of age I think, and I have just aged. I have never been hit on my head before. “

Adam Gilchrist reacts to being hit on the side of the head by a Lasith Malinga bouncer.

What he really meant:

“If I cannot out of the way of a bouncer anymore, I am surely getting older.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’ve been appointed by Puma to test their helmets. Lasith, have another go on the fresh one.”

“For my team’s owner, Preity Zinta and her wonderful inspirational speech, I’ll take all the hits, Malinga!”

IPL: Preity Zinta,Gabriella Pasqualotto and Saurav Ganguly

Preity Zinta’s pep-up talk before the big game against Mumbai Indians worked wonders for Kings XI Punjab. The Mohali home-boys trashed their opponents sending them crashing to only their third loss this season.

Though why Sachin Tendulkar decided to field first on winning his first toss in nine games is beyond my understanding. MI have done extremely well batting first.

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BCCI’s precautions against unsavoury characters for WI and England tours (Satire)

Following reports in the media of unsavoury characters loitering and hanging around Indian cricketers in South Africa at IPL2, the BCCI has decided to take precautionary measures against a repetition of such incidents on the forthcoming West Indies and England tours.

Upon receiving a list of shady personas from the CBI, the BCCI has begun interviewing ‘candidates’.

The administrative cricketing body believes that if there are to be any ‘crooked’ folks surrounding the Indian players, they should come pre-approved by the BCCI.