cricket

IPL Governing Council adds four games to next year’s IPL (Satire)

MUMBAI—

In response to Pune Warriors India and Kochi Tuskers Kerala’s complaints that they have lost approximately 25% of expected revenue owing to a reduction in the number of games played in the IPL, the governing council decided to increase the number of games by four in next year’s edition.

In addition to the playoffs for the top four spots in the competition, there will be  play-offs for the wooden spoon.

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What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Jacob Oram

Image by Dhammika Heenpella / Images of Sri Lanka via Flickr

What he said:

“After nearly every game there’s an after-party, there’s Bollywood stars there and fashion parades; the drinks are free and the cheerleaders are around. It’s a different world. Sometimes you wonder if you’re here for cricket or not. Ultimately you are. It is good fun, but at the same time I don’t think it’s reality."

Jacob Oram describing his hurly-burly life in the IPL.

What he really meant:

“Cricket’s my reality.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’s a paid vacation but hush, don’t tell anyone.”

English selection deliberations for First Test against Lanka: An insider’s view

HUMOR—

The Sri Lankans are here.

Raise the curtain on the Lions— English and Lankan.

Can we have a Bell please? Yes, it’s Ian, in the mix.

No Straussing about who’s going to lead the side. No rueing and hewing about it.

Can we Cook up a barbeque for the islanders? Nice and warm and sizzling, followed by climbing Alistairs for exercise.

Trotting up and down is good calisthenics, too.

Can Pietersen be omitted? What! And  miss out on free Brylcreem?

Eoin and Ian? Is there a difference? Morgan powder to use on unwelcome visitors.

Prior behind. Does that sound right?

No Matting wickets here, pal. We’re British, we like our pitches green.

The WAGS insist Broad has to be in. No Stuart excuses can keep him out.

Give us a Swann to make the ugly ducklings look good.Tremble before Tremlett, Lankan lambs.

Games and James can’t be uncoupled,can they?

Let’s ring Finnish to the selections. It’s time for tea and scones, Steve.

Bopara? Is that the chap serving?

Quote of the day:
Facts are the enemy of truth. – Miguel de Cervantes

IPL: Into the play-offs, into the night

The suspense has ended.IPL play-offs have been decided.

Super  Sunday will repeat itself in two instalments on the 24th and 25th of May, 2011 at the Wankhede.

It’ll be the Royal Challengers Bangalore versus Chennai Super Kings in the first qualifier.

Mumbai Indians and Kolkatta Knight Riders will clash once more on Wednesday in the eliminator.

The Eliminator? Sounds like a wrestling tie to me.

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What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Adam Parore

What he said:

“You can see the end of the world but it’s just a shame you don’t know what you’re looking at.”

Adam Parore was disoriented on reaching the summit of Mount Everest.

What he really meant:

“You see, I actually don’t know what the end of the world looks like but after climbing Mount Everest, what else is there to do? It feels like the end of the world and it looks like nothing.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I can’t see.”

Sachin Tendulkar, the cricketer, versus Sachin Tendulkar, the ‘artiste’

Sachin Tendulkar is an “artiste”. Not a mere cricketer, not a mere entertainer but a performer who uses creativity, imagination and skill arranging elements in such a way to to affect the human senses and emotions and having a certain aesthetic value.

This definition of the batsman comes courtesy that Income Tax Appellate Tribunal which overruled an IT officer’s objections that Tendulkar’s income earned via commercials should not be granted tax-exemption.

The said officer contended that by appearing in commercials Tendulkar does not become an actor.

What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: David Hussey

Jason Gillespie

What he said:

“I think he found himself in the bar more.”

David Hussey reckons that the Dalai Lama at Dharamshala is no inspiration for Jason Gillespie.

What he really meant:

“A couple of drinks and Jason discovers facets of himself he never knew existed. Unfortunately, so do others.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Jason’s studying for the bar.”

What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Shane Warne

What he said:

“Perhaps my knighthood has been lost in the post. Sir Shane Warne – it has quite a ring to it, don’t you think?”

Shane Warne jokes about being the only Wisden cricketer of the century not to be knighted.

What he really meant:

“Ask and ye shall receive—I really believe that stuff, man.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Vainglorious—what does that mean?”

Mumbai Indians face possible relegation from IPL play-offs

Mumbai Indians crashed to their third defeat in a row. Shane Warne had the last laugh in the clash of titans.

Surprising how the side that looked so consistent and formidable at the start of the tournament is suddenly found wanting on slower pitches. The first three seasons witnessed the team heavily dependent on the genius of Sachin Tendulkar and to a lesser extent, Sanath Jayasuriya’s.Kieron Pollard’s bludgeoning club added heft.

What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Shane Watson

What he said:

“He’s gone from eating baked beans, margarita pizzas and cheese sandwiches to broadening his horizons a little bit."

Shane Watson jokes about Shane Warne’s eating habits.

What he really meant:

“Warnie’s a healthy eater now.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Broadening his horizons sure narrowed him down—at the waist.”