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Club over country: Sachin Tendulkar only cricketer to pass polygraph test (Satire)
MUMBAI—
The “club over country” debate took a controversial fresh turn when the ICC and the BCCI released details of polygraph tests administered to a select bunch of international cricketers participating in the IPL.
Heeding complaints from fans and under intense media pressure and scrutiny, the BCCI roped in the country’s premier investigative agency ,the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) , to conduct a series of lie detector tests on certain high-profile players.
Shane Warne: What he said, really meant and definitely did not
What he said:
“Winners party, losers sit at meetings.”
Shane Warne, explaining his leadership philosophy, to his Rajasthan Royals teammates.
What he really meant:
“Celebrate the wins, they’re hard-earned.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Don’t plan for the wins.”
Madan Mitra: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
What he said:
“I didn’t know whether to invite players or call snake charmers to get rid of the snakes that crawled all over.”
West Bengal’s sports minister, Madan Mitra, laments the state of Kolkata’s Salt Lake Stadium, slated to host the Argentine soccer team on the 2nd of September, 2011.
What he really meant:
“I’m tearing out my hair in frustration and disbelief. I can’t walk around the ground, how will footballers play?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Let’s play snake-and-ladders instead.”
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Andrew Strauss
What he said:
“You’re worried that this might be the series when you’re finally outed as a fraud and not up to playing at this level.”
Andrew Strauss on the insecurities that bedevil a cricketer in his book, ‘Winning The Ashes Down Under: The Captain’s Story’.
What he really meant:
“As a cricketer, you have to face up to the truth that you are only as good as your last few innings. You start each series with a clean slate and past performances bring you no fresh laurels.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I’m a fraud.”
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Sidhartha Mallya
What he said:
“If you take away the cheergirls, the after-match parties, etc, then there will be no difference between an IPL match and a Ranji Trophy or a Duleep Trophy match.”
Sidhartha Mallya, the prince of Good Times, comments on the recent cheerleaders’ controversy.
What he really meant:
“Glamour, girls and Gayle, that’s what the IPL is all about.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Take away the cricketers and we’ll still have an IPL.”
Shane Warne replaces Aamir Khan in Dhoom 3 (Satire)
Image via Wikipedia
(“I am getting Bollywood offers.” says Shane Warne.)
MUMBAI—
Shane Warne has been offered the villain’s role in Dhoom3 by Yash Raj films.
The move comes as a surprise as Aamir Khan was initially signed on as the fresh, new villain in the series.
Image via Wikipedia
However, it is learnt that the Khan had a difference of opinion with Aditya Chopra about his role in the movie. He felt that his part was not meaty enough. The part has now gone to a man who has sworn off large portions of red meat.
English selection deliberations for First Test against Lanka: An insider’s view
HUMOR—
The Sri Lankans are here.
Raise the curtain on the Lions— English and Lankan.
Can we have a Bell please? Yes, it’s Ian, in the mix.
No Straussing about who’s going to lead the side. No rueing and hewing about it.
Can we Cook up a barbeque for the islanders? Nice and warm and sizzling, followed by climbing Alistairs for exercise.
Trotting up and down is good calisthenics, too.
Can Pietersen be omitted? What! And miss out on free Brylcreem?
Eoin and Ian? Is there a difference? Morgan powder to use on unwelcome visitors.
Prior behind. Does that sound right?
No Matting wickets here, pal. We’re British, we like our pitches green.
The WAGS insist Broad has to be in. No Stuart excuses can keep him out.
Give us a Swann to make the ugly ducklings look good.Tremble before Tremlett, Lankan lambs.
Games and James can’t be uncoupled,can they?
Let’s ring Finnish to the selections. It’s time for tea and scones, Steve.
Bopara? Is that the chap serving?
Quote of the day:
Facts are the enemy of truth. – Miguel de Cervantes
IPL: Into the play-offs, into the night
The suspense has ended.IPL play-offs have been decided.
Super Sunday will repeat itself in two instalments on the 24th and 25th of May, 2011 at the Wankhede.
It’ll be the Royal Challengers Bangalore versus Chennai Super Kings in the first qualifier.
Mumbai Indians and Kolkatta Knight Riders will clash once more on Wednesday in the eliminator.
The Eliminator? Sounds like a wrestling tie to me.
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Adam Parore
What he said:
“You can see the end of the world but it’s just a shame you don’t know what you’re looking at.”
Adam Parore was disoriented on reaching the summit of Mount Everest.
What he really meant:
“You see, I actually don’t know what the end of the world looks like but after climbing Mount Everest, what else is there to do? It feels like the end of the world and it looks like nothing.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I can’t see.”
Sachin Tendulkar, the cricketer, versus Sachin Tendulkar, the ‘artiste’
Sachin Tendulkar is an “artiste”. Not a mere cricketer, not a mere entertainer but a performer who uses creativity, imagination and skill arranging elements in such a way to to affect the human senses and emotions and having a certain aesthetic value.
This definition of the batsman comes courtesy that Income Tax Appellate Tribunal which overruled an IT officer’s objections that Tendulkar’s income earned via commercials should not be granted tax-exemption.
The said officer contended that by appearing in commercials Tendulkar does not become an actor.
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