cricketer

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Graeme Swann Is No ‘BullDog’

What he said:

“I can’t make speeches like Churchill and I’ll try to be as natural as I can.”

Graeme Swann—the comedian—takes over from Stuart Board as skipper of the English T20 squad for two matches against West Indies next week.

Swann claimed:

It’s a Twenty20 series with a lot of young lads so I’ll have to change the way I am from the Test side.

I’m very much the joker in the Test team, I’m there for a stupid quip at the end of the session. With this Twenty20 side, I’ll naturally have to be more grown up and mature about things.

But I don’t intend to be deadly serious and change too much. I believe a fairly high-spirited approach has made me the cricketer I am.

I’ll certainly look to keep that going within my own game and, if that’s infectious to others, then great.

What Swann really meant:

“I have games to win, not speeches to make.”

What Swann definitely didn’t:

“I’ll just get the Windians to fall over—laughing their guts out.”

Ravi Bopara: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Yeah, it’s dead right now in my car.”

Ravi Bopara has his life organized with an IPad—only it’s not charged. Bopara takes Jonathan Trott’s place in the third nPower Test at Edgbaston, Birmingham.

What he really meant:

“That I’m a mere cricketer does not mean I’m not tech savvy. Sure, it’s charged.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“My car batteries are dead too.”

Ronnie Irani: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Go and play like Pietersen plays.”

Ronnie Irani is convinced that the Indians were not quite aware of their No.1 status and were overawed by the occasion in the first Test at Lords. They were way too defensive and much too passive. The former English cricketer exhorts them to take the bull by the horns and “play like KP does.” He adds: “They are the No 1 cricketing nation and if they don’t attack, England will tear apart their mental state.”

What he really meant:

“For the No.1 side, the Indians were not quite fearless enough.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Flex your six-pack (if you have one) every chance you get.”

England Lord it over Team India in first Test

Mahendra Singh Dhoni had this to say about the first Test loss at Lords: “What could go wrong, went wrong.”

The Indian skipper attributed the defeat to three factors: Zaheer Khan’s injury, the lack (consequently) of a third seamer (the Jharkhand native rolled his arm over) and misfortunes (Gautam Gambhir’s elbow blow and Sachin Tendulkar’s viral flu) that forced the reshuffling of the batting order in the final innings.

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Hugh Grant: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Women do love a cricketer.It’s one of those things. It’s like Aston Martins. They just love it.”

Hugh Grant is convinced that cricketers have sex appeal and that women are immensely attracted to them. The veteran thespian is no mean cricketer himself and represented his school, Latymer High School, as a youth. The actor adds that his aunt said that it was difficult to dislike a man who likes cricket except for wicket-keepers whom he terms “weird, chippy, lippy”.

What he really meant:

“Cricketers don’t just appeal to umpires—they appeal to members of the opposite sex, too.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’d rather drive a cricket ball than an Aston Martin.”

“Crikey! My director wants a cricketer to star in his next film.”

Sanath Jayasuriya: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"When you play as a cricketer, they all love you as a unit. When you go to a [political] party, naturally it’s divided. So I need to face that.Just before I came to politics, I thought of that, and I know it’s going to be a half-half situation – unless you’re a very big fan of mine."

Sanath Jayasuriya accepts that he will not be adored unconditionally as a politician, as he was when he was merely a cricketer. The Sri Lankan legend is a member of parliament on a  ticket from President Mahinda Rajapaksa’s Sri Lanka Freedom Party.

What he really meant:

“Politics is divisive and so are politicians.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I do things by half.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I was getting paid to play crosswords, having tea brought to me and having my every whim taken care of. It was brilliant.”

Graeme Swann, ruminating on the perks , believes that representing England in cricket is the best job in the world.

What he really meant:

“I’m grateful I’m a cricketer, not a typical nine-to-fiver.I’m really spoilt.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m pitching cricket—as a profession.”

Sachin Tendulkar, the cricketer, versus Sachin Tendulkar, the ‘artiste’

Sachin Tendulkar is an “artiste”. Not a mere cricketer, not a mere entertainer but a performer who uses creativity, imagination and skill arranging elements in such a way to to affect the human senses and emotions and having a certain aesthetic value.

This definition of the batsman comes courtesy that Income Tax Appellate Tribunal which overruled an IT officer’s objections that Tendulkar’s income earned via commercials should not be granted tax-exemption.

The said officer contended that by appearing in commercials Tendulkar does not become an actor.

Shane Warne’s comeuppance: Who the blazes is Sanjay Dixit?

Who the blazes is Sanjay Dixit?

Very few cricket fans could have bothered to discover who Shane Warne’s bete-noire was.

Twittering masses have focused on heaping invective on the Rajasthan administrator for his role in making the legendary leg-spinner eat humble pie.

A hefty fine of $50,000 was slapped on the ace cricketer for losing his cool and terming the IAS officer“egotistic” and “a liar”.

Dimitri Mascarenhas selected for game versus Middlesex by SL (Satire)

 

In a surprise move, Farveez Maharoof and Dimitri Mascarenhas have been named in the Sri Lankan squad that plays Middlesex at Uxbridge from May 14-16, 2011 in the first warm-up game of the tour.

While Maharoof is currently contracted out to Lancashire, the naming of Mascarenhas has come like a ‘bolt out of the blue’.

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