India

Kirk Edwards: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I never saw Viv leave a ball because I only saw highlights.”

Kirk Edwards is a debutant with panache—with bat and microphone. Viv Richards was his childhood hero whose batting he saw only in highlights. Edwards had to learn to leave the ball in the traditional manner—through coaching.

What he really meant:

“Viv Richards never left a ball go by, I swear!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Viv Richards made bowling look easy.”

Daryl Harper: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“It’s about as common as Indians eating beef burgers."

Australian umpire, Daryl Harper, takes a huge swipe at Indian cricketers— simultaneously defending his track record, following the criticism directed at him  by the Indian captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni. In a series of caustic remarks—interpreted by some as having racist overtones— that included “I should never have applied the laws of cricket to Indian players.", the Australian let fly letting Indians know how he felt about their accusations. Harper says that the ICC  proved that 94% of his decisions were right and that his mistakes were as rare as Indians eating beef.

What he really meant:

“That’s how strongly I feel. So there!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m a vegetarian.”

“McDonald’s have offered me a job—in India.”

Sunil Gavaskar: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I would also like to suggest that there should be no water for bowlers at the boundary end.”

Former India opener, Sunil Gavaskar, is flabbergasted at the ICC’s decision to abolish runners for injured or cramping batsmen.The master bat believes that the rule should be extended to bowlers and fielders as well, levelling the playing field.

What he really meant:

“No runners for batters? What next?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Let’s have substitutes for umpires, too.”

Cricket: Ten reasons why the BCCI opposes DRS (Humour)

Ten reasons why the BCCI steadfastly refuses to utilize the Decision Review System (DRS) in bilateral series involving India:

10) BCCI honchos believe DRS stands for Debatable Review System.

9) Test umpires paid off the BCCI to oppose the system.

8) BCCI members feel left out of the process; if this decision is taken out of their hands, what will board members convene a press conference for?

7) The BCCI have yet to form a committee to weigh pros and cons of the system.

6) DRS research files are with Lalit Modi. It is too embarrassing for the BCCI to request them back now.

5) BCCI officials do not agree with the term "snickometer". It sounds too much like "snickermeter" or "sniggermeter’". A retrospective fallout.

4) The BCCI have not received permission from the defence ministry to import the system.  It is military equipment, after all. The Indian government wishes to build HotSpot indigenously instead.

3) The BCCI would rather wait for FIFA to first approve goal-line technology. Heaven forbid that they be perceived as more progressive than the world’s foremost soccer body.

2) The memo approving the system is pending with Messr Sharad Pawar. The honourable minister desires to table a motion before parliament.

1) "Call us bully-boys, will ya? Let’s behave so."

Quote of the day: The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. – George Bernard Shaw

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I don’t know whether it is mistrust of technology or kidology on their [India’s] behalf.”

Graeme Swann is perplexed by the BCCI’s decision to veto the use of the Decision Review System (DRS) in the up-coming India-England series. It is viewed by some as a move to negate Swann’s ability to get frequent leg-before dismissals—under the system; by others, as protecting Sachin Tendulkar who is the beneficiary of more benefit-of-the-doubt decisions than any other player—owing to his stature. 

What he really meant:

“The reasons given [by the BCCI] are laughable.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Technology is for kids.”

Zaheer Khan: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“When you’re fighting within the team, when you have a war to fight in your own camp, it is always difficult to win.”

Zaheer Khan describes the insecurity within the Indian cricket team during  Greg Chappell’s tenure as coach.

What he really meant:

“The insecurity and politics within the Indian cricket team stifled players and prevented them from giving their best on the field.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Competition for a place in the Indian team helped me perform better.”

Andy Roberts: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“The knowledge is with me. But I can’t be going around asking for work.”

Andy Roberts, legendary West Indian fast bowler, is indignant at the treatment meted out to him by the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB). He feels that “the top brass needs a kick in the back side”—the WICB had 18 directors at one time.

What he really meant:

“I don’t get the respect I deserve.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Make me the 19th director of the West Indian Cricket Board.”

Anthony Martin: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“"I am not married.I might not ever. I may also."

Anthony Martin is wishy-washy about his marital future.

What he really meant:

“It’s a heads you win, tails I lose situation. Help me out here, guys.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“’What’s love got to do with it?’—I love that Tina Turner number.”

Anthony Martin: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

 

What he said:

“I don’t like losing. That ‘L" word is not in my vocabulary. Only Love and Lord. Not Losing."

Anthony Martin is a scribe’s delight as he comes up with original quotes following West Indies’ first victory in the ODI series against India at Antigua.

What he really meant:
”I can’t spell ‘losing’”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Bring me a fresh dictionary.”

Bolting Indian Hockey players (Satire)

The Sports Authority of India (SAI) and Hockey India (HI) have received  urgent faxes  from the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF)  and Athletics Federation of India (AFI) requesting access to their training methods.

The appeal follows a report in the Hindustan Times that Indian hockey players are masters of the short sprint, able to cover 10 metres in a minimum time of 1.57 seconds. This beats Usain Bolt’s existing record of 1.89 by a whopping margin.

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