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humor, satire, sports, Stories, Tennis

Roger Federer calls up Kim Clijsters to express his sympathy (Satire)


Kim Clijsters at the 2009 US Open 

World No.3 Roger Federer called up Belgian Kim Clijsters to express his sympathy for her freak disco-dancing injury at her cousin Tim’s wedding.

Kim thanked him and asked for his  advice as to how best to recover and avoid similar injuries in the future.

The great Swiss reportedly broke into song on the telephone, yodelling to the tune of Genesis‘I can’t dance’:

Hot sun beating down
burning my feet on court  just walking around.
Hot sun making me sweat

‘Gators getting close, hasn’t got me yet
I don’t dance, I don’t talk.
Only thing about me is the way I play.

I don’t dance, I don’t sing
I’m just standing here returning everything.
No running around on the beach,
Nobody talking to me, but then phone’s out of reach.

I got 16 Slams under this shirt,
but all my opponents want to do is rub my face in the dirt.

Cause, I don’t dance, I don’t talk.
Only thing about me is the way I play.
I don’t dance, I don’t sing.

I’m just standing here serving and returning.
Oh and checking everything is in place,
you never know who’s looking on.

Check out the RF on my shoes,
Any guy’s talking to me is trying to steal my blues.
Thick smoke, see the ball coming through.

I never thought so much could happen just skiing and playing pool.
But I don’t dance, I don’t talk.

The only thing about me is the way that I play.
I don’t dance, I don’t sing
I’m just standing here returning…
Oh and checking everything is in place
You never know who’s looking on
I’m a  perfect body
with a perfect face – uh-huh.

No, I don’t dance, I don’t talk.
The only thing about me is the way I play.
No, I don’t dance, I don’t sing
I’m just standing here returning everything.

But I can play, man, how I play.
No I don’t dance.
No no no I don’t dance. (begins to fade out)
No I said I don’t sing.
But I can play, man, I can sure play.

The Swiss is reputed to play only tennis and table-tennis as he does not wish to subject his muscles to the rigors of any other sport and risk injury.

It is not known if Kim Clijsters sat through  the whole performance.

Mirka is believed to be upset  and was seen sulking.

When asked what’s wrong by RF, she just hums “You don’t sing to me anymore”.

(All facts and “quotes” in this story are made up, but you knew that already, didn’t you?)


Quote of the day:
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. – Aeschylus

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About LINUS FERNANDES

I have been an IT professional with over 12 years professional experience. I'm an B.Sc. in Statistics, M.Sc in Computer Science (University of Mumbai) and an MBA from the Cyprus International Institute of Management. I'm also a finance student and have completed levels I and II of the CFA course. Blogging is a part-time vocation until I land a full-time position. I am also the author of three books, Those Glory Days: Cricket World Cup 2011, IPL Vignettes and Poems: An Anthology, all available on Amazon Worldwide.

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