LINUS FERNANDES

Stephen Smith: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“If he’s not in the top 25 Australian cricketers – and I can’t find one better opener than him on that list, let alone two – then I’ll go hee for chasey.”

Australia’s federal defence minister, Stephen Smith, criticises Cricket Australia’s omission of Simon Katich from the list of 25 centrally contracted players.

What he really meant:

“If Simon Katich is not a current top 25 Australian cricketer, I’ll be hornswoggled.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Who’s Chasey?”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Aircel 3G and DRS

Mahendra Singh Dhoni is sold on 3G and has us sold too.

Pity he cannot make up his mind about DRS.

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I was getting paid to play crosswords, having tea brought to me and having my every whim taken care of. It was brilliant.”

Graeme Swann, ruminating on the perks , believes that representing England in cricket is the best job in the world.

What he really meant:

“I’m grateful I’m a cricketer, not a typical nine-to-fiver.I’m really spoilt.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m pitching cricket—as a profession.”

Simon Katich: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“He [Sachin Tendulkar] is an inspiration to all of us older guys, because he was written off a couple of years ago, ironically by one of our selectors, and the fact is he has proved him wrong.”

Simon Katich informs the Australian press that selectors are not infallible, pointedly referring to Greg Chappell’s comments on Sachin Tendulkar in the past. 

What he really meant:

“If Sachin can bat, bowl and field—at his age—with the abandon of youth, can’t I, too? A big X for Greg.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Greg prodded and spurred Sachin to greater heights.”

“Saurav Ganguly will vouch for Greg’s excellent track record.”

Andrew Strauss: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"It’s one of the better items of post you get through the letterbox – certainly better than a gas bill."

English Test skipper, Andrew Strauss, is suitably chuffed at being annointed an Officer of the Order of the British Empire.

What he really meant:

"Are you enthused about bills, especially utilities? Not me. This is one piece of post I’m thrilled to receive."

What he definitely didn’t:

"The sun never sets on the British Empire—not the cricketing one."

Andy Roddick: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I have a problem calling anything where you have to wear formal pants a sport.”

Andy Roddick says that cricket cannot be a sport because you have to wear full-length trousers.

What he really meant:

“I don’t have the patience for cricket. The formal pants are merely an excuse.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Golf’s not a sport as well.“

Simon Katich: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

“If you pay peanuts you get monkeys.”

Simon Katich makes no bones about his displeasure at Cricket Australia’s selection policies in a press conference outlining his cricketing future.

What he really meant:

“Australian selectors are chimpanzees.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m very ape with Cricket Australia’s decision not to renew my contract.”

Cricket and basketball: The Iffy Debate (Humour)

If the Indian cricket team had selected Baba Ramdev as the team physio, then the men in blue could have been as flexible on the field as the sadhu himself. However, his insidious influence would rub off on them and at the first signs of terror from pace bowlers, bruised batsmen would migrate to women’s cricket.

If Barack Obama were to lose the 2012 Presidential elections, he could always consider coaching the Los Angeles Lakers. “Yes, we can” would resonate with Lakers fans, too. “It’s not the economy, stupid” could do just as well.

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Paul Valthaty: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I am the same Paul that I used to be before IPL.”

Paul Valthaty claims that success in the IPL has not changed him.

What he really meant:

“I’m still Paul.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“The P in IPL stands for Paul.”

Imran Khan: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"This case is another suicide attack on Pakistan cricket."

Imran Khan slams the public row between the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) and Shahid Afridi.

What he really meant:

“The national cricket board and their cricketers are always at loggerheads—to the detriment of Pakistani cricket.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Sue—I side.”