England

Rahul Dravid, shoe laces and Velcro

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"I spend half my working life standing next to Strauss and I have to admit he is a bit of a hero to me."

Graeme Swann admits to hero worshipping his skipper, Andrew Strauss.

What he really meant:

“Strauss is the pillar I lean on. As for the other half of my working life, I spend next to KP. Now you know, no real comparison.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Andrew, you’re the wind beneath my wings.”

Nasser Husain: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“All the best for your charity but no sympathies for your injured fingers for what you did to me in the NatWest final.”

Nasser Husain has a long memory. He may no longer don English colours but his bloody-mindedness survives. Yuvraj Singh is the target of the jab above.

What he really meant:

“I know what you can do—healthy and injury-free. Broady remembers too.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Half a dozen roses for my Indian friend and a get-well-soon card, please. Overnight delivery.”

Kapil Dev: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Everybody go ga ga about Sachin Tendulkar that ‘I learn from him and so on’. If you ask Virender Sehwag who is your guru he will say Sachin. If you ask Yuvraj, he will say Sachin. But I have never seen Sehwag or Sachin or Laxman, with their bundle of experience in batting, walking up to the bowlers to advise them the correct line to bowl.”

Kapil Dev Nikhanj is certain that the youngsters merely pay lip service tributes to the seniors in the side. The former Indian captain does not see the desired team spirit on the field.

What he really meant:

“If the bowlers keep repeating their mistakes and no one corrects them on the field, will they not continue in the same vein?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“What I really advocate is on-field coaching with microphones and headsets, specifically for this Indian side.”

Indian cricket: Bloody headlines, turnaround captains and a lesson

“A bad Board lets a good side down”

“RIP. World’s No.1 Test Team”

“India surrender No. 1 Test Spot”

“Humiliation is complete, No.1 crown lost”

The headlines in the DNA, Times Of India, Hindustan Times and Indian Express read as above on an Independence Sunday, for the Indian cricket fan to fully absorb a dismal, abrupt, abject  end to the Indian team’s pretensions to greatness.

The knives are out, reams of analysis will be printed, experts will make a million suggestions and scapegoats will be discovered and punished over the coming weeks and months.

Should the surrender be total, and it is certainly more than a mere possibility despite MS Dhoni’s brave words at the post-match conference, the stewardship of the Indian cricket team would be on the line.

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Test cricket and life

I’d say Test cricket grows on you.

In the beginning, there was only Test cricket, you knew of nothing better. Tests were cricket, cricket were Tests. Then India won the World Cup in 1983, and you realized that there was an exciting, faster-paced brand of cricket, a form in which India were world champions, a form that could bridge the gap between good teams and great.

And if you were a schoolkid, Test cricket paled in comparison. Who had the time to follow five gourmet meal of a game over 5 days, when you could get instant Maggi and masala?

But you grew older, and just like your appreciation of music finessed, so did your appreciation of the nuances of the longer version of the game.

Sure, you still found it difficult to find time to enjoy 30 hours of timeless cricket but you discovered that it mirrored life. That patience pays more, that it’s about plugging away and hoping that things will turn around.

It’s life, in a microcosm.

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Michael Vaughan: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"He can’t stare at every move he makes and say ‘wow, look at Sachin’. As Test cricketers, you can’t worship an opponent. It is a battle. It is you against them.”

Michael Vaughan wants Ravi Bopara to get over the hero worship of his idol, Sachin Tendulkar, and get down to brass tacks in the third Test at Edgbaston.

What he really meant:

“I don’t want Ravi staring at Sachin like a love-struck pup. It’s war out there.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Ravi, you can make goo-goo eyes at me, instead.”

Alastair Cook: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“It’s mad, isn’t it, how you can still be disappointed when you score 290-odd – I suppose only cricket can do that to you.”

Alastair Cook is surprised that he’s disappointed despite scoring 294 in the third Test at Edgbaston against the touring Indian side.

What he really meant:

“Give me more. Yeh dil maange more.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“’Far From The Maddening Game’—that will be the title of my autobiography.”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“You won’t see a Sreesanth batting like a Don Bradman just because he wants to bat like one.”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni is realistic about his expectations from the tailenders in the Indian side in the Edgbaston post-match interview; tweaks in technique for English conditions can do just so much.

What he really meant:

“And you won’t see a Don Bradman bowl like Sreesanth because he wants to bowl like one. You get my point?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I really don’t know what I’m saying. Why did I even drag Sree into this? Let’s just get the press conference over with.”

India Cricket: 5 conspiracy theories why Team India failed in England

1) In a mass séance, souls of Indian batsmen transposed into their English counterparts’ bodies. It’s no wonder, we have Kevin Pietersen batting like Sachin Tendulkar and Alastair Cook doing a Gautam Gambhir and Virender Sehwag—the best of both.

2) The cricketers’ families are being held hostage at gun-point by ex-SAS mercenaries. They will be released when the desired result is achieved—a 4-0 thrashing.

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