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Women’s Tennis: Caroline Wozniacki lays down the law for Stacey Allaster to enforce (Humor)

That grunting (and shrieking) is really getting on my nerves.

What is that horrible sound?

That is the sound of cheating, according to Caroline Wozniacki:

I think there are some players who do it on purpose. They don’t do it in practice and then they come into the match and they grunt. I think they [officials] could definitely cut it. If you grunt really loudly your opponent cannot hear how you hit the ball. Because the grunt is so loud, you think the ball is coming fast and suddenly the ball just goes slowly. In tight moments, maybe the grunt helps them with getting less nervous.

So whom is the Woz’s remark aimed at?

PT Usha: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

English: This picture is of P. T. Usha, a former Indian athlete. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

PT Usha Is Not Sporting About Formula 1

What  she said:

“I feel very bad because such hi-fi business has nothing to do with 99% of Indians. It is a criminal waste (of money). First, Twenty20 cricket spoiled the spirit of Indian sports, and now here comes another avatar which will mostly attract corporate money, who (Corporate) rarely spend for sports promotion. Only God can save the Indian sports.”

Former track and field superstar, PT Usha, is not enamoured with the Formula 1  Indian Grand Prix to be held on the 30th of October, 2011 at the Buddh International Circuit, NOIDA.

Usha narrowly missed bronze in the 400 meters hurdles at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics and runs an athletic school in her home state, Kerala.

Usha said:

“Till this date I have never and I don’t want to follow any motor business, which I do not want to call as sport.”

What she really meant:

“Neither does the Olympics consider F1 a sport (in cricket’s case—not yet).”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Formula 1 epitomises ‘Citius, Altius, Fortius’.”

Women’s Tennis: No Beach Picnic For Maria Sharapova This Year

What she said:

"The last couple of years at this time I was sipping a margarita on the beach and now I have another tournament.”

Maria Sharapova contrasts her experiences over the past two years with 2011.

Though the Russian is yet to win a Slam since 2008, she climbed the rankings to be No.2 this year.

What she really meant:

“More work, more tennis, less play, less Margaritas.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I’d rather be picnicking on the beach.”

Rashid Latif Bats Economically For Danish Kaneria

What he said:

"I would say it’s an economical murder of a player who has served the country very well and is still eager to continue."

Former Pakistani skipper, Rashid Latif, continues Pakistani cricketers’ saga of recriminations against their administrators.

Latif accused the PCB of a lackadaisical attitude to one of the premier spinning talents in the country—Danish Kaneria.

Kaneria was arrested for spot-fixing together with fellow Essex bowler Mervyn Westfield in 2010 but was released without charge.

An hearing of an integrity committee of the PCB failed to clear him. Kaneria has filed a petition in a bid to force the PCB to allow him to represent the country.

Latif claimed:

All around the cricketing world they preserve their players, however in Pakistan the ideology is just the opposite as the PCB is destroying Kaneria’s career.

He is the most successful spinner of the country, hence should be treated with respect.

What he really meant:

“It’s not a reference to Kaneria’s bowling figures.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Who’s Adam Smith? And what’s he doing on a cricket field?”

Saurav Ganguly Is Practical About One-Day Cricket

What he said:

“The problem with England is they have too much theory in one-day cricket.”

Saurav Ganguly analyses the reasons for England’s 4-0 washout against India in the five match ODI series in India.

The former Indian skipper was commenting on England’s unwillingness to have Ian Bell open the innings in the 50 over format.

Bell is rated the best batsman in the world by leading experts.

What he really meant:

“I’m all for anti-theory—especially when it comes to opposing sides.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Wasn’t this the same side that beat us in the ODI series at home?”

South Africa Cricket: Dale Steyn Will Holiday Against Australia At Home

What he said:

“I go on holiday for longer than that series is going to last.”

South African pacer, Dale Steyn, is disbelieving that just two Tests against Australia at home will test (pun intended) both sides’ character.

Steyn is that disappearing breed of quickies who believe that the longer form of the game is where men prove their mettle.

Steyn said:

There’s a lot of guys who can bowl 150km/h when you give them the ball when they’re fresh in the morning, but can they do it late in the afternoon when it’s boiling hot and they’re bowling their 20th over for the day? I want to be able to do that and I want to be the only guy who is able to do that.

I want to be in your face all day, not for little periods of time, that is pretty much my inspiration. I want the opposition to walk off and say, ‘Shit, that was tough’.

On the two-match series:

I won’t lie to you, I’m very, very disappointed. Everyone is talking about Test cricket still being the ultimate in everybody’s minds and yet we are only playing two Test matches. Also in England next year, our series has been changed from five Test matches to three.

‘We want people to want to play Test matches. We want kids to aspire to that, and yet two of the biggest Test nations in the world are only playing two Test matches. I go on holiday for longer than that series is going to last. I hope somebody gets up and decides to do something about it. We want it to be competitive and hard and, seriously, two Test matches is not enough.

Steyn claims he is a smarter bowler nowadays:

I think I am a little bit more street-smart. Each day you play you don’t necessarily get better but you get a bit wiser and that can work against you because you don’t use your natural instincts, but I think I’m at the stage now where I use a bit of both.”

I would love to bowl 160 km/h. Any fast bowler would love to do that. But for me that is almost impossible. Someone like ‘Taity’ who is only playing T20 these days, it’s very possible for him to do that all the time. It’s like asking Usain Bolt to run the 100 metres in under 10 seconds every day of the week for 30 days, it’s just not going to happen.

The thing I’ve got to concentrate on for South Africa is bowling at good pace and if the ball is in the right area that will cause enough trouble.

What Dale Steyn really  meant:

“Two tests, ten days of Test cricket! I take off for two weeks—at least!”

What Dale Steyn definitely didn’t:

“Don’t pay me my match fee. It feels as though I’m vacationing.”

Abhinav Bindra’s Name Certainly Isn’t ‘Avinash’

What he said:

“Yeah, he called me Avinash!”

Abhinav Bindra, India’s only individual gold medallist at the Olympics, reveals his bitterness with the state of sports  administration in the country.

Bindra recently released his autobiography,‘A Shot At History’, co-written with Rohit Brijnath.

An excerpt from his interview in the Times Of India:

You’ve titled a chapter ‘Mr Indian Official:
Thanks For Nothing’. Why such bitterness?

It’s just a very honest account of my experiences of Indian sport in the last 16 years. See, a sports administrator needs to have a fine understanding of the dynamics and uncertainties of sports, the planning and precision that goes into winning. Our sports administrators lack knowledge and attention to detail. They’re all nice people, but without an understanding of sports, which becomes a barrier. Running sport is bloody hard work ! It’s serious business. The whole idea of doing it as an honorary, half-hearted thing is just not good enough. The efficiency of sports officials has to match that of athletes. And their record is telling.

On winning his gold medal, Bindra says that then IOA head Suresh Kalmadi was unable to recall his first name calling him ‘Avinash’ instead.

What he really meant:

“I wonder if that was the name of one of his close relatives.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“What’s in a name?”

Jonty Rhodes Won’t Sing Nor Dance

What he said:

“Bollywood actors sing and groove. I know my limitations. I don’t sing, I don’t dance, nor do I have the looks of a hero — it’s zero out of three for me.”

Former South African cricketer and Mumbai Indians fielding coach is not Bollywood hero material.

Rhodes was celebrated for his dare-devilry on the field but the idea of appearing in an Indian pot-boiler gives him the heebie-jeebies.

Rhodes disclosed his eagerness to meet model Poonam Pandey:

“A lot of people were waiting to see the show that she was going to put on for the Indian team. I, too, had put my hand up for that. If she needs a little practice or wants someone to advise her, I’d be happy to help… as a father figure.”

What he really meant:

“I can fly, though. I wonder why Shah Rukh Khan didn’t come calling for ‘Ra.One’.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m all jaunty about acting.”

Dean Jones Is Conscientious In Deciphering Inexplicable Virender Sehwag

What he said:

“He has no conscience when he bats and plays the hardest stroke for any batsman with complete ease.”

Former Australian batsman and commentator, Dean Jones, attempts to explain Virender Sehwag’s uncomplicated approach to batting.

What he really meant:

“The ball is there to be hit and Sehwag hits it. No second thoughts, no second guessing.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“If batting’s a crime, then Sehwag is it’s ‘Jack The Ripper’.”

Dale Steyn Will Not Burn Himself With Philip Hughes’ Frying Pan

What he said:

One of the things we said was that we didn’t want to bowl wide to him, and then we did. It was one of those childish things where you say to a kid, ‘don’t touch the frying pan, you’re going to burn yourself’, and then you end up touching the frying pan and burn yourself. The English side found a way of getting him out, and quite easily getting him out, so I will go through those videos. I’m a little bit wiser, a little bit smarter now.

South African pace spearhead, Dale Steyn, points out that he is much wiser now, unlike in 2009 when he allowed Australian opener, Philip Hughes, to collar the bowling and score a brace of tons in his debut series.

Hughes has struggled ever since once English bowlers discovered that he was uncomfortable against anything targeted at his ribcage. Hughes recently made a successful comeback under Michael Clarke in Sri Lanka scoring a century in the final Test and averaging 40.40. South Africa face Australia at home in a curtailed two match series.

Steyn said:

”Obviously he opens the batting for Australia, so anybody who is a good player can score runs somewhere along the line, but he will definitely have his weaknesses. We haven’t played a lot against him since then, so I will have to go through a couple of things and see where we went wrong and hopefully we can rectify that.”

The No. 1 fast bowler in the world had only words of praise for Hughes’ predecessor, Simon Katich:

The way he moves around the crease, he is able to control where he wants to hit the ball. It’s incredible.

It’s surprising that he is not there because he is one of those real Aussie players, a gutsy, strong character. He even looks like the epitome of an Australian opening batsman from years back. In a weird way I’m quite happy he’s not playing, but you want to compete against guys like that, and for his sake I think he should be there.

Katich has been dropped from the side—a victim of Australian selectors’ youth policy.

What he really meant:

“Recall how we handled Virender Sehwag the last time India toured here;Hughes is a poor Australian’s  version of the Delhi Butcher.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I never heard of mental disintegration.”