fun

What he said,really meant and definitely didn’t: Shane Warne

What he said:

“It is like the past, you can’t change what happened in the past. If I thought about what happened in my past I could be in a straightjacket and padded cell somewhere.”

Shane Warne on his attitude coaching the Rajasthan Royals , focusing on what he has rather than what he hasn’t.

What he really meant:

“You can only do things with what you have, not with stuff you don’t. You don’t have that stuff anyway, why worry about it? You could go nuts.”

“The past is writ in stone; today’s the clay for tomorrow’s masterpiece.”

“Simply put, do make do!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I deserve to be in a straightjacket and padded cell.”

“It’s just not spinning balls I’m good at, yarns too! Yeah, I’m no Mahatma, though!”

What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Jacques Kallis

What he said:

“I am an easy man to please and one of the greatest pleasures is taking money off Mark Boucher on the golf course.”

Jacques Kallis finds SA and Kolkatta Knightriders team-mate easy meat on the links.

What he really meant:

“Pocket money’s always welcome.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’d continue playing Mark is if I kept losing.”

Rahul Gandhi and the SMS Pitch (Satire)

JAIPUR—

Sources within the Congress(I) and the BCCI have—in confidence—revealed that the real reason Rahul Gandhi is in police custody is because the Rajasthan Cricket Association (RCA) is miffed with the Congress’ General Secretary and are considering charging him with damaging the Sawai Mansingh cricket pitch.

It is understood that Rahul Gandhi wished to get a feel for farming before he launched his campaign supporting UP farmers. He believed that doing some ‘fielding’ on his own would lend authenticity to the Congress’ support.

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Gabriella Pasqualotta bares all (Satire)

Gabriella Pasqualotta—the South African cheerleader ejected for telling tales on IPL cricketers—revealed all in an exclusive interview to MakeTimeForSports.

The long-legged blonde said: “I have been victimised not for blogging about cricketers and their boorish behaviour but simply because I chose to disclose all in the English language. Had I written my blog in Afrikaans or Swahili, I could have got away scot-free.”

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What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Adam Gilchrist

What he said:

“He’s come of age I think, and I have just aged. I have never been hit on my head before. “

Adam Gilchrist reacts to being hit on the side of the head by a Lasith Malinga bouncer.

What he really meant:

“If I cannot out of the way of a bouncer anymore, I am surely getting older.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’ve been appointed by Puma to test their helmets. Lasith, have another go on the fresh one.”

“For my team’s owner, Preity Zinta and her wonderful inspirational speech, I’ll take all the hits, Malinga!”

BCCI’s precautions against unsavoury characters for WI and England tours (Satire)

Following reports in the media of unsavoury characters loitering and hanging around Indian cricketers in South Africa at IPL2, the BCCI has decided to take precautionary measures against a repetition of such incidents on the forthcoming West Indies and England tours.

Upon receiving a list of shady personas from the CBI, the BCCI has begun interviewing ‘candidates’.

The administrative cricketing body believes that if there are to be any ‘crooked’ folks surrounding the Indian players, they should come pre-approved by the BCCI.

IPL, more random thoughts: Virender Sehwag, Lasith Malinga and Sreesanth

More random thoughts on the IPL:

The debate of ‘club over country’ should be put to rest , at least when it comes to Indian players.

Virender Sehwag will miss the rest of the IPL due to a shoulder injury he has been carrying for the past one year. He should have been allowed to take a break after the World Cup but his IPL masters would have been displeased. So Viru hoists the Delhi Daredevils until he can carry them no more.

Delhi Daredevils are no longer in the reckoning for a playoff spot.

No ‘butcher’ for the West Indies tour and perhaps half the English tour.

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‘Book-fixing’ hits inter-school book cricket competition (Satire)

MUMBAI—

The spectre of ‘book-fixing’ raised its ugly head at the annual inter-school ‘book cricket’ competition last Sunday, the 8th of May 2011.

The school championship , over the years, has been dominated by Shuddersharam English Medium School and Potter High School.

This year, it was no different.

The final saw familiar antagonists confronting each other.

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What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Paul Collingwood

What he said:

“So when Geoff Miller told me, it was like a juggernaut had come along at full steam and completely wiped me out … just disbelief.”

Paul Collingwood on his axing as England’s T20 captain.

What he really meant:

“I’m shell-shocked and steaming.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m gonna find out how a juggernaut runs on steam engines.”

Random thoughts on the IPL, Chris Gayle and Saurav Ganguly

Random thoughts on cricketing happenings last week:

The Sri Lanka Premier League, in my opinion, has a couple of advantages over the IPL.

• It will have just seven teams.
• It will last only 18 days.

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