humor

Yannick Noah: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Yannick Noah Does Not Care For Rafael Nadal’s Pleasantries

What he said:

“But what do I care if he says hello to me or not?"

Yannick Noah is not regretful—one bit—for stirring up a hornet’s nest with his comments in French daily, Le Monde, accusing Spanish players of systemic doping.

Noah said that all players, not just Spanish, should have access to this “magic potion” that has Spaniards out-performing their French counterparts.

Noah defended his last week’s comments saying:

"If I chose this turn of phrase, it was to address the authorities … in order to start a debate.”

Noah added:

"I am a bit frustrated that there are two weights and two measures in terms of doping, whether it’s Spain or another country.Of course all Spanish athletes aren’t doped … (But) are (the French) worse than the others? I don’t think so."

Noah’s remarks have been met with derision and wide-spread condemnation.

Rafael Nadal called for a media gag on Noah.

Noah responded:

"I went through the same thing 30 years ago, when I was 20. I spoke about doping and drugs and everyone had a go at me.I couldn’t respond to everyone. To Toni Nadal, Rafael’s uncle, who’s told his nephew never to say hello to me again. But what do I care if he says hello to me or not?"

Noah pointed out existing cases of Spanish doping including high-profile names such as cyclist Alberto Contador and steeplechase champion Marta Dominguez.

"The cyclist who ate some meat that helped him pedal faster and who was cleared by his federation, the case of (Dominguez) stopped by the police and then cleared.My question is the following: Is this not all orchestrated? In the Puerto case, I have the feeling that the affair has been smothered, that names have been hidden."

The Frenchman reiterated his opposition to all forms of drug abuse:

I am against all forms of doping, but I’m hypersensitive when it comes to injustice. There are too many cheats winning these days. In Spain and elsewhere.At which point is an athlete considered to have doped? When he takes a product that makes him run faster, makes him stronger, helps him recover more quickly? Or when he tests positive? The answer to the question is not the same, depending on the country.

There are side effects which you never read about on the front pages of the newspapers.We know there have been problems in the past with Italian footballers who are now seriously ill.

What Yannick Noah really meant:

“We won’t have much to discuss anyway. I want to talk ‘dope’. He doesn’t.”

What Yannick Noah definitely didn’t:

“It’s only words
And words are all I have
To take your pride and titles away.”

Read Yannick Noah’s full interview to Le Monde here.

Gautam Gambhir: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Gautam Gambhir Off Breaks Ravichandran Ashwin

What he said:

"There’s nothing to be heartbroken about.A bowler needs to bowl on every kind of wicket. A batsman never says he is heartbroken if it is a green top. They simply play on any wicket."

Gautam Gambhir is unsympathetic to Ravichandran Ashwin’s cause. The Tamil Nadu spinner lamented that the Wankhede pitch for the third Test against the Windies was unhelpful to spinners.

Gambhir added:

There will be many occasions where he will have to bowl on wickets that are more flat than this one. So there is no need to feel cheated.
It is a great challenge and everyone should try to accept it and get the best out of it.
That’s what Test cricket is all about. You don’t get a five-wicket haul or a hundred easily. You have to work hard for it.

The Delhi batsman believes that Ashwin is one for the long haul.

"He has taken two five-wicket hauls in this series and has a great future ahead.” said Gambhir.

What he really meant:

“Good for me ,nine times out of 10, wickets in India are batsmen friendly. I’d be groaning too if every pitch was Mohali.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Ashwin, I’d like to roll my arm over if you’re tired.”

Rafael Nadal: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Rafael Nadal Raps Yannick Noah

What  he said:

“When one kid says something it’s not painful for us."

Rafael Nadal kids not in his response to Yannick Noah’s allegations of systemic doping by Spain’s elite athletes.

Noah, writing for French daily Le Monde, said:

“Today if you don’t have the magic potion, it’s hard to win. How can a nation dominate sport virtually overnight like this?"

Noah began his article thus:

When I still milled around on the courts with my racket, we weren’t ridiculous, far from it, against our Spanish friends.

It was the same on the soccer fields, the basketball halls or on the roads of the Tour de France. Today they are running faster than us, are much more stronger and only leave us the bread crumbs.

We look like dwarves. Did we miss something? Did they discover some avant-garde techniques or training facilities that nobody before them had imagined?

Nadal reacted angrily to the Frenchman’s allegations.

He said:

"What he said is completely stupid. This guy does not deserve to write in newspapers anymore."

Nadal added:

He knows better than anybody that to say that today is a totally stupid thing because you know how many anti-doping controls we have during the season, year by year.

So in my opinion, the article that he wrote was from a kid and when one kid says something it’s not painful for us.

The French tennis federation were equally trenchant in their criticism.

Their statement read:

The French Tennis Federation wishes to express its disagreement with Yannick Noah’s comments made in Le Monde newspaper.

Against the plague of doping in sport, baseless accusations and provocative comments are inappropriate, and the worst attitude would be to give up.

What Rafael Nadal really meant:

“Sounds like French whine to me.”

What Rafael Nadal definitely didn’t:

“I’m so beefy because Alberto Contador’s butcher is mine too.”

Michael Clarke: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Michael Clarke Waits Out While Teammates Complete Win

What he said:

“I was dying to go to the bathroom for an hour and a half but I was too scared to move.”

Australia skipper, Michael Clarke, controls his bladder until his team completes a stunning victory over South Africa in the second Test at Johannesburg.

What he really meant:

“And I had no liquids (beer) either for those 90 minutes.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“If we’d lost, it’d have taken the p**s out of me.”

Ian Chappell: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Ian Chappell ‘Clubs’ Mitchell Johnson and Peter Siddle

What he said:

“The problem is they also bowl plenty that could be hit to the boundary by a proficient club batsman.”

Ian Chappell diagnoses the ills plaguing Australia’s pace bowlers.

Chappell wrote:

Both Johnson and Siddle bowl deliveries good enough to dismiss any Test batsman.The problem is they also bowl plenty that could be hit to the boundary by a proficient club batsman. Johnson’s problem is one of confidence. Consequently, he’s often running up to bowl half expecting something to go wrong and is fighting a battle with himself as much as the batsman down the other end.

What he really meant:

“Siddle and Johnson are quite capable of bowling balls of this century—to club players.”

What he definitely didn’t:

Yannick Noah: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Yannick Noah Asserts Spaniards Have Magic Potion

What he said:

“For now, the sport is like Asterix at the Olympic Games: If you do not have the magic potion, it’s hard to win.”

Former French tennis star, Yannick Noah, set the cat among the pigeons with his remarks in the French daily, Le Monde, accusing the Spanish players of doping.

Noah is the last French male to win at Roland Garros.

In an editorial for the leftist paper, Noah wrote:

When I still milled around on the courts with my racket, we weren’t ridiculous, far from it, against our Spanish friends. Same on the soccer fields, the basketballs halls or on the roads of the Tour de France. Today they are running faster than us, are much more stronger and only leave us the bread crumbs. Compared to us, it’s simple, we look like dwarves. Did we miss something?

Noah ended his column with the following words:

“Let’s stop the hypocrisy. We must of course respect the presumption of innocence, but no one is fooled. The best attitude to adopt is to accept doping. And everyone will have the magic potion.”

The Spaniards were quick to react.

David Ferrer told DPA:

Your son [Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls] plays in the NBA, where there are no doping controls. This is not the best person to talk, I think it’s total ignorance. For a person who has played tennis and knows how the sport works to say that is outrageous with reason or thinking.

Former Wimbledon champion Manolo Santana said:

It seems out of place. Spain is now the leading power of sport and statements like that are not good for him and not for sport in general … When people want fame, the only way to have it’s messing with a person or an entity as large as Spain in sport. In basketball, soccer, tennis, Formula One, athletics—in all sports Spain is at the forefront.

The French minister for sports, David Douillet, distanced himself from Noah’s remarks.

Douillet said:

“I am living proof that one can win without doping."

Douillet is a double Olympic judo champion, winning gold at the 1996 and 2000 editions. He is also a four-time world champion.

French doubles specialist, Michael Llodra, apologised to Rafael and Toni Nadal for Noah’s remarks.

Llodra said:

"I’m sorry about what Noah said. We don’t understand.He’s stupid and maybe he was… (drunk).”

What Yannick Noah really meant:

“I can’t explain how the Spaniards keep trouncing my fellow countrymen. It must be hocus-pocus.”

What Yannick Noah definitely didn’t:

“Asterix was French and he couldn’t do without his magic potion.”

Dale Steyn: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Dale Steyn Has Wickets, Not Names, On His Mind

What he said:

“Listen, I got your name wrong, but you didn’t have to drop the catch.”

Dale Steyn is disbelieving that Under-19 substitute fielder, Dale Deeb, could put down a sitter denying Steyn a fifer in the second Test of the ongoing home series against Australia.

Deeb dropped Nathan Lyon, Australia’s No.11 batsman, in the covers.

What he really meant:

“Listen, hold catches. You’ll be gratefully remembered.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m superstitious. Catches have names too. “

James Milner: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

James Milner Dare Not Be Yorked

What he said:

“I’d love to still play — but you can’t risk a yorker on the toe!”

Manchester City’s James Milner would love to play cricket again but dare not risk a broken toe.

The electric midfielder was a useful bat for Horsforth in the Airedale and Wharfedale League in Leeds.

Milner said:

I got a couple of hundreds for Horsforth, I’ve got a lot of friends there and I’d love to still play — but you can’t risk a yorker on the toe!

The most important thing for me now in summer is rest but I hope I’ll be able to go back to cricket again once I’ve finished playing football.

What he really meant:

“I’m a footballer—I put foot to ball.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“What’s a shattered toe or two? I could always be keeper.”

Mohammad Azharuddin: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Mohammad Azharuddin Questions Vinod Kambli’s Class

What he said:

"What Vinod is saying is absolutely rubbish! He must have been sleeping in the team meeting."

Former India skipper, Mohammad Azharuddin, rubbishes teammate Vinod Kambli’s allegations that the 1996 World Cup semifinal against Sri Lanka was fixed.

The match was forfeited by the home side due to crowd violence; the Indians were on the verge of a humiliating defeat.

Speaking to Star News, Kambli said:

I’ll never forget the match because my career ended after it. I was stunned by the decision to field.I was standing on one side and on the other end my fellow batsman was telling me that we would chase the target. However, soon after they quickly got out one by one. I don’t know what transpired.

Something was definitely amiss. However, I was not given a chance to speak and was dropped soon after. Our team manager at that time, Wadekar, was aware of everything.

Ajit Wadekar, the then team manager, contested Kambli’s version of transpired events, saying:

I did not even think there was anything suspicious in that loss. It was purely because we misread the wicket and were slightly overconfident after beating Pakistan in the quarterfinal.
Why did he wake up suddenly after 15 years? During my four-and-half year stint (with the national team), I used to frequently have dinner with Vinod. Had he told me about his suspicions then, I would have requested the board to probe the matter.

Wadekar added:

“During the team meeting, only (Navjot Singh) Sidhu and I felt the wicket would deteriorate and that we should bat first. However, a majority of the bunch felt a wicket couldn’t deteriorate much.”

Mohammad Azharuddin, speaking to CNN-IBN, defended his decision to bowl first:

We decided to field. It was discussed and a team decision. It was a collective decision. I don’t have any regrets, no reason to shy away from this. What Vinod is saying is absolutely rubbish! He must have been sleeping in the team meeting.

We wanted to field first and chase against Sri Lanka, wanted to do something different in the match. Very sad that people are questioning the decision. For Kambli to talk like this, it shows his class (pedigree).

Vinod Kambli on so many occasions has said that I was the best captain he has played under. It’s very annoying the way the statement was made.

The former India skipper’s fight against the life-ban handed out by the BCCI  in 2000 continues in the Hyderabad high court. Azhar’s cricketing career was cut short at 99 Test matches.

Azhar said:

"The match-fixing case is going on in the High Court. When my name is cleared, everybody will come to know the truth. I am not affected by the allegations. Kambli has made a fool of himself.”

What Azharuddin really meant:

“By way of explanation, we enjoyed a cosy dressing room atmosphere.”

What Azharuddin definitely didn’t:

“What kind of query is that? Sleepwalking through our innings?”

Baichung Bhutia: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Baichung Bhutia Takes Time Off To Pen His Sporting Views

What he said:

“I’d have been tending to my little children and new club instead of writing this.”

Baichung Bhutia comes out in support of the proposed National Sports Federation bill seeking restricted tenures for administrative heads.

Bhutia’s views were published by the Hindustan Times, the second article in a continuing eight-part series dissembling the issues tackled by the Sports Bill.

Bhutia wrote:

Fifa, despite allegations of corruption, is run more efficiently than sport in India. That means you can’t compare us and them where them also includes the IOC and its tradition of long-serving presidents. The truth is, 64 years after Independence, sport in India is not on the right track. And proof of that lies in the underwhelming international performance of a nation of over 1 billion people.
My point, therefore, is this: the current system of administration has failed and that means there’s something definitely wrong with it. There’s no point saying Brazil’s football isn’t run properly — well, they still win five World Cups and are expected to win one every time it comes along. If we won as many gold as China in Olympics — and they started participating regularly only in 1984 — or even 20 less than them, I’d have been tending to my little children and new club instead of writing this.

The Ajay Maken (India’s sports minister) sponsored bill has been opposed by both the Board For Cricket Control in India (BCCI) and the Indian Olympic Association (IOA).

Bhutia added:

Why not restrict federation presidents to a maximum of 12-year terms and secretaries to eight? If you haven’t been able to make a difference in that time, chances are you never will.

And if you have been a game-changer, I am sure you will be asked to stay and contribute in some capacity even after your term’s over. Making tenures time-bound is also one way of increasing transparency and accountability because you can’t manipulate votes.

What he really meant:

“I care.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m the retiring type, in every aspect.”