Gautam Gambhir: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Gautam Gambhir is quite tone-deaf when it comes to Bachchan.

Gautam Gambhir at Adelaide Oval (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he said:

“I am nothing more than a mere mortal when it comes to judging Bachchan, even if he was cooking an omelette.”

Former India cricketer and opener Gautam Gambhir professes his unreserved admiration for the great Hindi film thespian Amitabh Bachchan. The baritone-voiced actor sang the Indian national anthem prior to the Indo-Pak World T20 encounter last evening at Eden Gardens in Kolkatta.

Amitabh Bachchan photographed by Studio Harcourt Paris Français : Amitabh Bachchan photographié par Studio Harcourt Paris Harcourt Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Gambhir added:

“Here he was, at my beloved Eden Gardens, his deep voice in its full youth, loaded with grace and admiration for the national anthem. Only soldiers can sing better that Bachchan did on Saturday.”

What he really meant:

“I’m a huge fan of Hindi film cinema and Amitabh Bachchan in particular. In my eyes, he can do no wrong. He could even boil water and I’d watch with open-mouthed admiration.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I wonder how Shah Rukh Khan would have sung the anthem instead. Perhaps, a duet with Kajol would have baked an Eden cake.”

Maria Sharapova: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Maria Sharapova retires rumours of her retirement.

What she said:

“I know many of you that I would be retiring today announcing my retirement but if I was ever going to announce my retirement it would probably not be downtown Los Angeles hotel with this fairly ugly carpet.”

Tennis diva Maria Sharapova infused some humour into an otherwise sombre press conference where she announced that she failed a drug test during this year’s Australian Open. She faces penalties from the Women’s Tennis Association (WTA) that range from a ban of one to four years.

Sharapova added:

“For the past 10 years, I have been given a medicine called Mildronate by my family doctor and it also has another name of Meldonium, which I did not know.

It is very important for you to understand that for 10 years this medicine was not on WADA’s banned list and I had been legally taking the medicine. But on 1 January [2016], the rules have changed and meldonium became a prohibited substance.

I was first given this medicine by my doctor for several health issues I was having back in 2006.

I was getting sick a lot. I was getting the flu every couple of months. I had irregular EKG results.

I had a deficiency in magnesium and a family history of diabetes, and there were signs of diabetes. That is one of the medications, along with others, that I received.”

What she really meant:

“If I were actually announcing my retirement, I would have done it at the Oscars on the red carpet.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Red carpet, green carpet, magic carpet, who cares? Meldonium, thy name is Mildronate.”

Federica Pellegrini: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

The Italian swimmer Federica Pellegrini (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Federica Pellegrini changes her telephone number.

What she said:

“Good. I have done it..thank-you for your messages of encouragement and congratulations. But obviously I have now changed my number.”

Italian swimmer and former Olympic champion Federica Pellegrini was forced to change her telephone number when she inadvertently revealed her contact details while publishing the results of a random doping test on social networking site Twitter.

Pellegrini was immediately deluged with tweets requesting her to hide her number while others wished to add her to their WhatsApp list of contacts.

After a few hours, Pellegrini responded as above.

What she really meant:

“Changing phone numbers was really easy, folks. The phone company is obviously first on my list of new contacts.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“What’s up with WhatsApp? What’s that, really?”

Shakira: What she said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Shakira soldiers on alone travelling the world.

What she said:

“It’s like being married to a soldier, except that he doesn’t die in battle.”

Colombian pop star Shakira is frustrated that she can’t holiday and travel that often with her soccer superstar husband Gerard Pique of Barcelona.

She explained:

“Gerard is anchored to Barcelona and can’t travel – they get a few days off a month, but otherwise he has to be there for his team every day pretty much, training and playing matches.

This has been a learning curve for me, because I like to travel a lot and I’m like, ‘What do you mean, you can’t go? Let’s go!’”

She added that she considers sports to be a good way to teach her sons, Milan and Sasha, the right values.

“But it’s interesting too, because I have been playing solo for all of my life and it’s very different to live with a person who has to think about his team and be mindful of them as well as of himself.

That’s why I want my kids to learn all about sports even if they don’t end up doing it professionally – the way it shapes the personality of children is just fantastic.”

Hips Don’t Lie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Speaking to Britain’s Hello! magazine, the ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ singer said of her husband:

“Since the kids were born, a tender side of him has come out.

He is the one who changes the diapers and he is there for them as he is here for me – we had a conversation recently where I said that I was missing my career and he said, ‘You do your thing girl, and start making music again – I am going to be there for the kids.’

He is the rock of the family and he might be 10 years younger than me but he is also 10 years wiser.

One of the things that I constantly dream about for them (sons) and pray for, is for them to grow up really close to each other and be loving brothers, because my dream is for a united family.

I also want them to inherit a passion for what they do that Gerard and I have – whatever their path in life is, I want them to love it and to have commitment to their own ideals in life.

That’s not a bad dream, is it?”

Shakira is 39.

Pique, for his part in this tender love story, says:

“I don’t know, we’ll see what happens in the future. I’d like to sample another league when I’m nearing retirement; I don’t know if that might be in the US or South America. It’d be nice for it to be Colombia for ‘Shaki’, but no one can tell what will happen in the future.”

What she really meant:

“Being a soccer player nowadays requires not just skill but discipline as well. It’s a regimented lifestyle and Gerard simply can’t give in to my travel whims.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“When an irresistible force such as me, meets an immoveable object such as you, you can bet as sure as you live, Something’s gotta give, babe, something’s gotta give.”

Sunny Gavaskar: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Sunil Gavaskar lights up the Melbourne night with his remarks.

What he said:

“He (Virat Kohli) can even bat at midnight without light and still bat well.  …

Rohit kills you with tickle and Kohli can punch you to death. Either way you are going to die.”

The original Little Master switched on his eulogistic side when Team India clinched the T20 series against Australia at Melbourne on Friday evening.

He said:

“He is setting the bar higher for the future players. He is in fantastic form… form which the players dream about. he can even bat at midnight without light and still bat well. The Australians cant get him out. They will have to wait for him to commit a mistake.

I would not bowl to both of them. Rohit kills you with tickle and Kohli can punch you to death. Either way you are going to die.

I want to see India win the series 3-0. Kohli should continue to bat at number three. Never ever flirt with form, it’s so fickle, don’t flirt with it. Yuvraj can bat during the Asia Cup, World Twenty20. Let India make a clean sweep.

He (Dhoni) has got now Yuvraj, Ashish Nehra, Hardik Pandya in the side. He has plenty of bowling and batting options. It has eased off the pressure on him. Bhajji (Harbhajan Sigh) is sitting on the bench which means it is a very good selection. The balance is terrific. Pandya can bat at number seven and can bowl. Even if a bowler is hammered around, Dhoni can go to the other bowler.

The Aussies were under pressure and it was a good omen for the Indians for the World Twenty20.”

What he really meant:

“Kohli’s batting like a dream. If you’re a day-dreaming bowler, dreaming of bagging either or both , Rohit will tickle you out of any such fancy ideas while Kohli will match you, blow for blow. Either way, it’s death by panache.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Tickle me pink, I wonder if these two guys would love day-night Test cricket!”

‘Chatter-box’ Steve Smith finds Virat Kohli ‘too emotional’ to handle (Updated)

Does using an on-field microphone to interact and engage with the telecasters make you a chatterbox?

Virat Kohli certainly thought so when he gave Steven Smith a fiery send-off in the first T20 against Australia.

The Test skipper—relieved of captaincy duties—was back to being the animated fury on the ground he usually is.

The Delhi cricketer is all aggro as a player and mouths expletives at the drop of a hat.

Kohli saw red when his opposing Test counterpart lost his wicket cheaply while commentating live for Channel 9.

Australian viewers were not amused with the manner of Smith’s dismissal blaming the broadcasters for disturbing his concentration.

They took in hordes to Twitter to deplore the broadcaster’s unwelcome intrusion.

What’s really going on?

Do fans really need insights from batters about what’s happening on the field?

This kind of circus is part and parcel of the Big Bash League and the Indian Premier League.

The purported purpose is to make the the viewers and the expert commentators feel part of the action.

It would be better if mic’ing up players was restricted to fielders and umpires. Bowlers and batters need to be able to focus and concentrate on how they’re to be delivering or playing the next ball. Fielding is a much more instinctive chore consisting of reacting to on-field events as they occur. Similarly, umpiring.

Batters and bowlers, however, need to plan and pace their innings and overs.

But what was the actual reason for Kohli’s acrid mouthing off and signing?

Could it be that the Indian was not pleased that Smith was shielded from the banter fielders engage in when rival batters are at the crease?

Kohli has mentioned that he sees nothing wrong with sledging the opposition.

His young Indian side is not known to hold back unlike previous Indian sides.

He said:

“The opposition has every right to sledge as long as it doesn’t not cross the line and you have every right to reply as long as it is doesn’t cross the line. There have been lot of smart comments of late and mine turned out to be a perfectly timed one.

I did not intend to do that. I just said what came to mind. It was actually not far from the truth. That banter is enjoyable but at the same time, you need to focus on the game.”

Sledgers wouldn’t enjoy their choicest jibes drowned out by commentary from the press box.  Why would they? Additionally , they would have to be careful around the boffin with the microphone lest their tomfoolery be caught by the sensitive microphones.

Not much fun for the fielders. The boot would be on the other foot with them forced to be silent around a jabbering Steve Smith.

Can you see the irony in the situation?

And assuming that what the fielders said did carry to Steve Smith, how would he be able to focus with three or more sets of sounds in his eardrums?

Fielders’ banter, experts’ questions, noise from the crowd and finally the sound of his own voice.

That sounds like a lot to take in—even for a man who has scored a mountain of runs in every format over the past two years.

Kohli was the man who had a hand (and mouth) in Smith’s dismissal. Steven Smith was out for 21 off 14 balls caught by Kohli bowled Ravindra Jadeja.

Smith immediately shut up giving no further feedback to the Wide World of Sports commentary team.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni had earlier criticised Spider Cam and intrusion from TV gimmicks.

Spider Cam obstructed Virat Kohli’s first scoring shot in the final ODI preventing a sure boundary. The ball was declared dead.

The operators of this novelty are known to thrust the lens right under the face of departing batsmen hoping to capture their visible disappointment for television viewers. Aussie players are accustomed to such paparazzi-like behaviour from cameramen but Indian players are disturbed and irate.

Dhoni said:

“I am quite a traditional guy. I have always felt that… anything that disturbs the game of cricket I don’t like it. It all started right from the T20 where people would be like, ‘Why don’t you wear a mic?’, ‘Why don’t you wear a camera?’

I have always felt there is a need for balance. At the end of the day it is a spectator sport, people watching on television, but at the same time four runs can matter, especially when it is a close game. Those four runs can be crucial. Everyone gets penalised, why not have the same system for the spidercam? Say, ‘Okay if you get hit, 2000 dollars per hit.’ Let’s make it interesting.

People [broadcasters] are striving for more. When you have got out and walking off, the cameraman goes right under your face. The same way the spidercam is right next to you. You have seen players, they are like, ‘What is happening?’ It makes a lot of noise. At the end of the day it is also about the spectators. If spectators are not there, cricket won’t be played. It is a mix and match; 2000 dollars per hit is a good option.”

Steve Smith called the Spider Cam “his best fielder.”

Smith was unrepentant about his mode of dismissal in the first T20 denying that his on-field commenting had anything to do with his early exit.

He said:

“It [the commentary] was on at the time, but for me it was just a bad shot.

I tried to chip one over the top for two rather than trying to hit him for four or six.

It was my fault and I got to do better next time.”

Of Kohli’s send-off, he added:

“He gets pretty emotional out there, doesn’t he?

I don’t think you need to do that kind of thing when someone gets out.

It’s fine to have a little bit of banter when you’re out in the field, but when someone’s out I don’t really think that’s on.”

https://twitter.com/_hafees/status/691970480123678721

Virat Kohli finally disclosed the reason for his heated reaction at Steve Smith’s dismissal.

It had nothing to do with Smith’s on-field commentating but his verbal targeting of young Indian pacers after hitting a boundary.

Kohli felt it added  to the pressure on them and was simply not on. He felt that he had to step in and make his displeasure known.

Hence, the expressive ‘farewell‘.

An open letter to Chris Henry Gayle

Chris Gayle on the field at the Telstra Dome during an ICC Super Series 2005 cricket match. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Chris:

Say, that was some stunt you pulled the other day on Australian national television during the Big Bash.

While there’s nothing wrong with asking a lady out, there’s something inherently wrong about doing it when she’s going about her job and embarrassing her in front of millions of viewers.

If you really needed a date, you should have walked down to the nearest bar after your game, and tried to chat up someone there.

Did you know Mel McLaughlin that well, that you felt you could do something so crazy and simply laugh it off?

And if you really, really desperately needed to ask Mel out, you could simply have done it on a one-to-one basis in a more private setting.

As for all the cries about sexual harassment, I’ll leave it to the fairer sex to call you out on that.

You were one of my earliest followers on my Facebook page and we were even Facebook friends for a brief while—all this, when I was posting my blog on Bleacher Report (I believe it has some reach in the Caribbean; Mike Hussey followed me on Twitter too but then that’s another story).

Mike Hussey at a training session at the Adelaide Oval (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So what’s the real story, Chris?

I was one of your supporters when you were having trouble with the West Indies Cricket Board. I couldn’t believe that the West Indies could leave out a player who has two triple centuries in Test cricket. It’s not as though the West Indies have been churning out Brian Lara clones since his exit from the game.

“Don’t blush, baby,” really, that’s all you had to add after your public gaffe.

And what’s this crap about “pockets empty” on Instagram, the fine of 10,000 Australian dollars is just a drop in the ocean for you. You deserve it, man.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAJltMmoeb9/?taken-by=chrisgayle333

There was a time when you were flirting with the idea of publishing an autobiography but then decided against it.

I agreed, then, that it was a bad idea best left until you retired from the game. After all, why rile your colleagues while you’re still playing? Besides, you still had some good years in you.

Well, Chris, you’ve irritated a lot of your fans now and can surely do better.

I’m sure that your autobiography will be much awaited when it actually hit the stands.

Your fans would all like to know what actually makes Chris Henry Gayle tick—like this.

Sincerely,

A disappointed fan.

Chloe, Meringue and Popper discuss Virat Kohli’s merits and demerits (Humour)

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Chloe the Chicken wandered up to me and queried, “Say, do you think Virat Kohli is right?”

“Right about what?”  boomed Meringue the Meerkat.

“I wasn’t speaking to you, Merry, but the question remains. Is Virat right when he says that his captaincy efforts are under-appreciated by former cricketers especially those who never represented the country?”

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Popper the Parakeet squawked, “Is Virat right? Is Virat right? Is Virat right?”

I step in before the cacophony becomes more deafening.

“He’s right and he’s wrong, my friends. He’s right because South Africa were and are the No.1 Test side and had never lost overseas for the past 10 years—an enviable record. He’s wrong because the true test of a side’s and captain’s greatness lies in how they perform overseas in different and difficult conditions.”

“So, he’s right?”said Chloe the Chicken.

Chloe is a huge Virat fan and has a collection of postcards of the dashing youngster from Delhi. The ones featuring Anushka Sharma are carefully culled and snipped so as to exclude the sultry actress.

Meringue the Meerkat said, “But, don’t you think that it’s early days yet to pass judgment on Virat’s leadership? After all, he led bravely and from the front in Australia and though the side lost the series, they were not humiliated. And he’s cleared two stern tests on the sub-continent.”

Popper the Parakeet chimed in, “It’s early! It’s early! It’s early!”

“Yes, I agree. It’s too soon to tell. Dhoni had the Midas touch when he started out as Test skipper after Anil Kumble. He led Team India to the No.1 spot on the back of series victories at home. Virat could easily do the same. But we all know what followed overseas in England and Australia. And then MS lost the golden touch at home too when the English came calling.”

“True! True! True!” said Meringue the Meerkat.

“I believe that Saurav Ganguly was the best Indian skipper in recent times. He had the desire and the will to do well overseas. Similarly, Rahul Dravid and Anil Kumble. Is Virat in that mould? Or does he prefer easy wins on muddy patches?” I added.

“Muddy patches! Muddy patches! Muddy patches!” squawked Popper the Parakeet.

“And what do you think of Virat’s statements about non-international cricketers passing judgment on his leadership? Do you agree that they don’t have the credentials to criticise Indian cricket’s latest golden boy?” moderates Chloe the Chicken.

“That’s not quite right. International cricketers are privileged to play for the country. But they have to admit that luck and timing play an important role in their turning out in Indian colors. To paint domestic players as less capable is being unfair to their efforts and feats at the state and district level. After all, these young stars don’t have a problem turning to these very same non-entities when it comes to being coached about the finer points of batting and bowling.”

“Well, well, well, that’s settled. Virat Kohli is both right and wrong. A fine batsman, a fine cricketer, a fine leader but yet to become a fine man,” responded Chloe the Chicken.

“Hear! Hear! Hear!” echoed Meringue the Meerkat.

“Hear! Hear! Hear!” echoed Popper the Parakeet too.

Basketball: Kung Fu Shaq weighs in on G.O.A.T debate

Shaquille O’Neal weighed in on the G.O.A.T debate and what heft he lent his words.

The former Laker said he preferred Michael “Air” Jordan to LeBron James when asked who would win a hypothetical one-on-one match-up.

Los Angeles Lakers Magic Johnson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

His all-time favourite , however, was Dr. J aka Julius Erving.

LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers in action against the Washington Wizards at the Verizon Center on April 2, 2009 in Washington, DC. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

O’Neal said:

“Mike. I think you have to go with a young Jordan every time.

It would be an interesting game. Young LeBron was more like (Lakers Hall of Famer) Magic Johnson. He was sort of like Magic with Jordan’s abilities. He liked to pass, and he liked to get it up.

But Mike was Mike. He was just special, like no one else. He always did things no one else could do, and things you couldn’t compare to anyone else. So he was special, and he’d win.”

He added:

“I’ve seen young Mike and young LeBron and I must say Dr. J is still my favourite player. A lot of people today don’t even mention his name but to me I still think he was the best. But these are questions that we’ll never know the answer to.”

And things got really interesting from thereon.

The big man went on to describe the comparison with a kung fu analogy.

“It’s a bit like if I met Bruce Lee in an alleyway. Who would win? You’ll never know. Some people say well Bruce would kick Shaq’s ass. Some people say well Shaq is two times bigger than Bruce Lee. It’s a good question, a good conversation. But we’ll never know.”

Way to go, champ.

It appears that all the training Shaq underwent with Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) star Nate Diaz has taught the hoopster some respect for jiu-jitsu and it’s Eastern variants.

What next? If his fellow players take up the sport, we can expect kung fu basketball pretty soon. Wouldn’t that be something?

Kung Fu Shaq, anybody?

Q & A with Vladmir Putin (Humour)

Is FIFA President Sepp Blatter guilty of corruption?

No, Sepp is a good friend of mine and everyone knows I have never indulged in nepotism or cronyism.

Why do you wish to award Sepp a Nobel Prize?

Any man who can wield influence over 160+ nations and can get them to work together deserves a Nobel Prize. It doesn’t matter that he has to make promises of infrastructure and funds to some of them, but that’s beside the point. He’s a bloody genius. And look at the way he keeps getting elected over and over again. I wish I could say that of the Russian people; I have to jail my opponents instead.

Which Nobel prize would you gift the man?

The Nobel Peace Prize, of course.

Wouldn’t you prefer to receive the Nobel prize instead?

Are they handing out Nobels for hosting Winter Games and soccer World Cups? The Ukraine problem doesn’t look that good on my CV.

Who’s your preferred candidate as the next FIFA president?

Sepp, Sepp, Sepp!

Disclaimer: The personalities are real, but the quotes are made up. But you knew that already, didn’t you?