Is FIFA President Sepp Blatter guilty of corruption?
No, Sepp is a good friend of mine and everyone knows I have never indulged in nepotism or cronyism.
Why do you wish to award Sepp a Nobel Prize?
Any man who can wield influence over 160+ nations and can get them to work together deserves a Nobel Prize. It doesn’t matter that he has to make promises of infrastructure and funds to some of them, but that’s beside the point. He’s a bloody genius. And look at the way he keeps getting elected over and over again. I wish I could say that of the Russian people; I have to jail my opponents instead.
Which Nobel prize would you gift the man?
The Nobel Peace Prize, of course.
Wouldn’t you prefer to receive the Nobel prize instead?
Are they handing out Nobels for hosting Winter Games and soccer World Cups? The Ukraine problem doesn’t look that good on my CV.
Who’s your preferred candidate as the next FIFA president?
Sepp, Sepp, Sepp!
Disclaimer: The personalities are real, but the quotes are made up. But you knew that already, didn’t you?