humor

Johnny Lever is Vaselined all over

Fanning the Spirit of Cricket: Mahi lights the way

If the Spirit of Cricket were a kite, then we all know who should be holding the strings, sending it soaring into the stratosphere.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni made Indians (and connoisseurs of the game) proud with his decision to rescind the contentious appeal made against Ian Bell at the break of tea on the third day of the third Test at Trent Bridge on Sunday, the 31st of July, 2011.

The contrast between the two sides was not more readily apparent than last evening.

One side has gone to town with allegations about ‘bat-fixing’ with Vaseline to fox ‘Hot-Spot’, the other exhibited that the spirit of the game was more important than winning at all costs.

Spirit of Dhoni transforms jeers into cheers

Rahul Dravid: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“In days of my backyard cricket, I was either a Gavaskar or a Vishwanath.”

Rahul Dravid is justifiably proud of equalling Sunny Gavaskar’s record of 34 Test centuries in the second Test at Trent Bridge.

What he really meant:

“Those were my childhood heroes. Neither kept wickets though. (Or did they?)”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m unsure what to do next: Commentate or select (the Indian squad).”

Shammi Kapoor and Tim Bresnan: Doppelgangers

Sreesanth: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Silence is the speech of the spiritual seeker. I am spiritual now.”

Shantakumara Sreesanth attributes his serene behaviour in the second Test at Trent Bridge to his newly discovered spirituality.

What he really meant:

“Sreesanth, the Peaceable, trumped Sreesanth, the Terrible.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m the new Dalai Lama.”

Andre Agassi: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“So Dad, please don’t ever stop telling me what to do.”

Andre Agassi, in his acceptance speech at the Newport International Tennis Hall of Fame, thanked his dad Mike for his advice over the years that included exhorting him to win Wimbledon and all the Slams, getting into the Hall of Fame, and marrying his current wife, Steff Graf.

What he really meant:

“I could always do with more validation. Thanks, Dad.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Just don’t remind me to floss at night. (Steffi does that now.)”

Michael Chang: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I would have thought that he would know me better than that; that me going out and expressing that has nothing to do with saying, ‘I’m better than you, or ‘God loves me more than he loves you.’ That’s not the case."

Michael Chang is cut up with Andre Agassi’s remarks in his autobiography, Open. The Las Vegan criticised his Christian faith and Michael’s habit of thanking God for his match results.

What he really meant:

“Andre, it’s the same God—for you and me. No favourites with him.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Burn it, Burn Open.”

“Andre, get me your publisher. I have memoirs to make public, as well.”

Shane Warne: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"Yes, I’m still a man."

Shane Warne is not ashamed at being labelled a metrosexual. He’s masculine enough for Elizabeth Hurley.

What he really meant:

“Losing 22 pounds,sporting a new hairstyle and clothes, having my eyebrows plucked and using moisturising cream does not make me less of a man, does it?”

What he really didn’t:

“I don’t know what Liz saw in me.”

Ronnie Irani: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Go and play like Pietersen plays.”

Ronnie Irani is convinced that the Indians were not quite aware of their No.1 status and were overawed by the occasion in the first Test at Lords. They were way too defensive and much too passive. The former English cricketer exhorts them to take the bull by the horns and “play like KP does.” He adds: “They are the No 1 cricketing nation and if they don’t attack, England will tear apart their mental state.”

What he really meant:

“For the No.1 side, the Indians were not quite fearless enough.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Flex your six-pack (if you have one) every chance you get.”