humor

Andrew Strauss: What he said, what he really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"We don’t want that fairytale to come true though."

Andrew Strauss is certain that his team has no intention of gifting Indian maestro, Sachin Tendulkar, his 100th century on the occasion of the 2000th Test —also the 100th five-day match between the two sides.

What he really meant:

“Fairy tales are bedtime reading. Tons are hard won. The only magic is hard work and grit.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“We’ll have Kevin Pietersen, our Prince Charming, bowl to Sachin.”

Andrew Strauss: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"No-one has a God-given right to play in the XI.”

Andrew Strauss is faced with a problem of plenty for the first Test against India at Lords.

What he really meant:

“The starting XI is to be the best form players of the moment.  A place in the XI has to be earned, it’s no gift.”

What he definitely didn’t add:

“Not even me.”

Rahul Dravid: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“We are still getting used to his sense of humour. But he has got one — a very good one when you get to know him.”

Rahul Dravid and the rest of his buddies in the Indian squad are getting to know the Indian coach, Duncan Fletcher, better, beginning with his sense of humour.

What he really meant:

“Fletcher’s sense of humour is growing on us. It’s like sushi—an acquired taste.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Fletcher’s a stand-up comedian.”

Farooq Abdullah: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Politicians have keys to open doors which others do not have.”

Dr. Farooq Abdullah is sanguine about the role of politicians in sports administration.Abdullah has headed the Jammu & Kashmir Cricket Association (JKCA) over 30 years. He was quoted responding to media queries following Dilip Vengsarkar’s loss in the Mumbai Cricket Association (MCA) elections.

What he really meant:

“Yeh hai India, meri jaan, where politicians feel it’s their birthright to have their fingers in every pie.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Dilip would make a wonderful chief minister.”

Andy Flower: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“So his job is not to rough up the opposition. It is not to be this ridiculous enforcer.”

Andy Flower feels that Stuart Broad should reinvent himself for the series against India. He ought to be more than just a bounder who bounces out the opposition.

What he really meant:

“Enforcer? What kind of trash talk is that? Cricket is a gentleman’s game.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“’Stuart the Enforcer’ had a great ring to it.”

Alec Stewart: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"What a joke team. No Viv Richards, Gary Sobers, Malcolm Marshall to name but three."

Alec Stewart cannot but laugh at the notion of an ICC Greatest Team that omits Gary Sobers, Malcolm Marshall and Sir Isaac Vivian Alexander Richards. The team was chosen via online polling.

What he really meant:

“Man, if I were to choose an all-greats team second to this, my team would triumph.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Stuff it, guys.”

Royal Stag versus United Breweries: Harbhajan Singh versus MS Dhoni?

Can Harbhajan Singh not take a joke?

This is the question raised by Vijay Mallya of United Breweries(UB).

The liquor magnate was slapped with a legal notice by Avtar Kaul, the Singh family  matriarch.

The distressed mother has gone on to charge the UB Group with offending the Sikh community and fostering disunity within the Indian cricket team.

The cause for offense is a UB commercial parodying Bhajji’s appearance for the Royal Stag brand from the Pernod Ricard stable.

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Coca Cola cans Sachin Tendulkar for fans and posterity

Sachin Tendulkar’s 100th ton will be celebrated with his image on the side of 6.5 million Coke cans within the next fortnight.

Canning it for posterity, indeed.

The master batsman will be smiling back at you and your friends when you pep up the moment from those special tins when he reaches that special milestone.

This is a first for Coca Cola, India. No celebrity picture has decorated a Coke canister in the sub-continent. Ever.

Nine other distinguished moments have been selected to be painted on the sides of the special edition beverage.

Coking a snook at the competition, for sure.

2.145 million litres lauding an epoch-making moment in Test cricket.

Another 800,000 cans will be released eulogizing his 100th international hundred.

Definitely a whole lot of tonnage.

Quote of the day:
When I’m working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. – R. Buckminster Fuller

Gautam Gambhir: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“It looks like Afridi is still behaving in the manner as if he is still the 16-year-old making his international debut. He is still immature. It was my personal wish to pay tributes to the 26/11 victims."

Gautam Gambhir believes that Shahid Afridi has not yet outgrown his adolescence and behaves like a spoilt brat. The left-hander was reacting to the former Pakistani skipper’s comments that Indians are not large-hearted after Pakistan lost to India in the World Cup semis.

What he really meant:

“Afridi has not changed—neither his batting nor his behaviour.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I learnt how to win friends and influence people from Afridi.”

Virat Kohli: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Yeah, my mom tells me not to swear on the field. And obviously I get really embarrassed whenever she asks me. It’s not a good word that comes out. I don’t tell her anything; I just ask her to give me food at that point.”

Virat Kohli is abashed when his mother asks him if he has behaved on the field. The young Indian bat prefers to hold his silence and wolf down his mother’s cooking.

What he really meant:

“I’d rather not lie on an empty stomach.And definitely not to my mother.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Swear words make the world go round.”