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Ramakant Achrekar to coach Liz Hurley’s son, Damian (Satire)
In an exciting new discovery, Ramakant Achrekar has pronounced Liz Hurley’s son, Damian to be the next Sachin Tendulkar.
Ramakant Achrekar was Sachin Tendulkar’s childhood mentor.
Achrekar said, “I have not seen such talent in a young lad since Sachin.”
Liz Hurley is thrilled and credits current boyfriend, Shane Warne, for shaping her young son’s destiny.
What they said, meant and what they definitely didn’t: Yuvraj Singh
What he said:
“I wanted to jump on MS and keep jumping on him”
Yuvraj Singh on his celebrations with Dhoni on winning the World Cup.
What he meant:
“I was overjoyed.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Dhoni’s a trampoline.”
Greg Chappell takes over as coach from Bob Houghton (Satire)
Australian cricket great Greg Chappell has been chosen to replace Englishman Bob Houghton as coach of the Indian soccer team by the All-India Football Federation (AIFF).
Greg Chappell had expressed his desire to return to coaching an Indian team ;the AIFF responded by inviting him to take over the mantle from ousted Houghton.
AIFF general secretary, Kushal Das, said, “We need a coach who is out-spoken, enjoys the confidence of the players and who does not shy away from controversy.”
Kapil Thakur’s slipper bought by Suresh Kalmadi for Rs. 95 crores (Satire)
The slipper flung at Suresh Kalmadi by Kapil Thakur has been seized and retained by the New Delhi police.
Upon detailed examination, the slipper has been valued at Rs. 95 crores.
Suresh Kalmadi has arranged to purchase the slipper and pay Thakur the requisite sum, saying that he does not have time to process the necessary formalities.
Lalit Modi, Shashi Tharoor short-listed for IOA presidency (Satire)
Following the arrest of Suresh Kalmadi by the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), the Indian Olympic Association (IOA) are frantically looking out for a successor to the high profile minister.
Two names have been short-listed.
The first is former IPL commissioner Lalit Modi who is currently in London.
The other name bandied about is former Minister of External Affairs, Shashi Tharoor.
Sachin Tendulkar named Sathya Sai Baba’s successor (Satire)
In his will discovered late last evening, Sri Sathya Sai Baba has anointed Sachin Tendulkar as his successor.
The master batsman has been named the sole beneficiary in the godman’s last testament.
The codicil states: “I have always been a huge fan of Sachin. He is a God to millions of Indians, just like I am. He has devotees cutting across state lines and so do I. He does not need money and neither did I.”
SRK, KKR and Kajol, Rani and Bipasha at the IPL (Humour)
Shah Rukh Khan is at the end of his tether.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, will convince Dada fans that SRK loves Sourav Ganguly (and Bengalis) and that’s why he let him go.
Slashing the price of tickets for forthcoming KKR games has not quite had the desired effect as evidenced by fan reaction on the team web-site.
What they said and what they definitely didn’t mean: Siddharth Mallya
What he said:
“It is like a sugar-free candy bar. Because it does the same thing. It tastes the same. But then there is always that one thing that’s missing.”
Siddharth Mallya on the IPL without Lalit Modi.
What he meant:
“Lalit Modi’s the sugar missing from the IPL candy bar.”
What he definitely didn’t mean:
“Lalit Modi’s my sugar daddy.”
Dimitri Mascarenhas selected for game versus Middlesex by SL (Satire)
In a surprise move, Farveez Maharoof and Dimitri Mascarenhas have been named in the Sri Lankan squad that plays Middlesex at Uxbridge from May 14-16, 2011 in the first warm-up game of the tour.
While Maharoof is currently contracted out to Lancashire, the naming of Mascarenhas has come like a ‘bolt out of the blue’.
Guidelines introduced for Pakistani cricketers’ agents (Satire)
(With apologies to the Express Tribune)
Bookies and ‘matka’ kings in India have reacted swiftly to the guidelines introduced by the Pakistan Cricket Board for agents of cricketers.
Steps have been taken to nullify every step taken by the Pakistani cricketing body, by simply mirroring the PCB’s moves.
“PCB has now made it mandatory for all agents to get themselves registered with it”
—The Association of Bookies and Matka Kings (ABMK) have made it mandatory for agents to get themselves registered with them—unofficially, of course.
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