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Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Swann bowling against Sri Lanka at Lord’s in the second Test. Scorecard. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Graeme Swann hopes to bury Kevin Pietersen and his autobiography 20,000 leagues under the sea.
What he said:
“I expected it to be the biggest work of fiction since Jules Verne and that seems to have happened.”
Graeme Swann has little time for Kevin Pietersen and his rantings. The former England off-spinner and KP’s ex-teammate dismissed his allegations of being a bully during his tenure with the squad.
“The one thing will say. I immediately realised it was codswallop when I read the character assassination of Matt Prior. Tragically I don’t think Kev realises the one person who fought tooth and nail to keep him in the side is the one person he is now assassinating: Matt Prior.
Kevin has been quite clever because the guys still playing he has left alone and he hopes to get back in again one day. He has picked on people who he thinks can’t answer back.”
He added:
“If that was the case a lot of people would have flagged it up before. We had a magnificent team ethos and team spirit until Mitchell Johnson took his blindfold off and then it all fell apart.
It was strange to watch my team-mates this summer, all those people I’d bullied all those years. I’d have loved to have been out there giving them Chinese burns.”
Paul Downton said:
“What I do know is there’s been no formal or informal complaint about bullying.”
Matt Prior tweeted:
https://twitter.com/MattPrior13/status/519041265036693504
What Swann really meant:
“No one really expected KP’s book to be complimentary of his teammates or the then-administration. Of course, I’m surprised by the allegations. But what did I lose out on? Nothing! So I’ll keep mum and say nothing about being a bit of a bully on the field. An atmosphere of fear? Ha! Not something to complain about when I’m the one held in awe.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I’m going to be attending a seminar by Mitchell Johnson ‘Bullying and harassment on the cricket field: How to confront and overcome it’.”
Dwayne Bravo: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
English: Dwayne Bravo at KFC Twenty20 BigBash – WA v VIC, 10 January 2010, WACA Ground (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Dwayne Bravo states his case to the West Indies Players Association (WIPA).
What he said:
“We believe we are being hoodwinked and are being treated like little school boys, yet we are being asked perform and play against professionals.”
Current Windies team skipper, Dwayne Bravo, makes no bones about his displeasure with the new Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) whereby Test/ODI/T20 fees have reduced by 75%.
The West Indians are in India to take part in a five match ODI series. The players are considering striking in protest against the agreement signed by WIPA President Wavell Hinds with the West Indies Cricket Board (WICB) without player inputs.
In a letter addressed to Hinds on his squad’s behalf, Bravo outlined the disputed items as follows:
“
1) Our Test/ODI/T20 fees have been decreased by 75%.
2) No compensation for the use of our rights. That has been decreased by 100%.
3) Our ICC fees have been decreased by close to 100%.“
He further requested Hinds to question the WICB on the following points:
“
1) Have the WICB Board members and staff taken a pay cut as we are being asked to do or at all. Our information is that staff have been increased both in numbers and their salaries.
2) Have the WICB declared their million dollar television deal
3) Have the WICB declared how much they are being paid extra for the matches outside of the FTP like this India tour.
4) Have the WICB declared what they are getting from the sale of CPL to Digicel our most lucrative tournament.
5) Have the WICB declared what they are getting from Digicel as the team sponsor.
6) Have they declared their financial arrangements with Governments for the international and regional home series.“
What Dwayne Bravo really meant:
“The players draw in the crowds and the WICB profits from their efforts. Why are we being treated like errant schoolboys without any say or input into how West Indian cricket is to be run or administered? Are we clueless or numbskulls or simply freaks who entertain?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Let’s discuss this over drinks during the first ODI at Kochi on the 8th.”
Ravi Shastri: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Ravi Shastri has cricket on his mind.
What he said:
“I’ve watched more cricket than I’ve played. So there’s enough in this upper-storey here (pointing to his forehead) that can be used before I forget it.”
Ravi Shastri eases into his new role as Team Director. The cricketer-turned-commentator believes that he can contribute not just from his playing experience but from observing as well.
He said:
“I have already started talking to them [the selection committee] and we have no issues on that. My job is not to select an Indian cricket team, it is their job, but my job is to at least communicate with them and see on what lines they are [thinking] so that we both are on the same page. Probably discuss talent, discuss what would be the kind of team you need in Australia.
See, combinations are very important. You have got to identify your strengths and see who are the right people to manage those roles and areas of your strengths. That importantly comes up with the team. Prime importance, I believe, will always be given to current form. I think form is very important.
My job is to communicate with whoever is there and I will not take a step back. At the moment, I have been communicating with all the five.”
He added:
“My job [as director] is to ensure that everything is in order. It’s not just about communicating with the players. It’s also about giving your views, your inputs as a former player, and as a broadcaster. I’ve watched more cricket than I’ve played. So there’s enough in this upper-storey here (pointing to his forehead) that can be used before I forget it. That’s what I tell the players. Don’t be afraid to ask me questions, because there’s enough there for me to be able to contribute. Yes, obviously you’ll have to have a dialogue with the selectors as to where they’re coming from and what their train of thought is. What we feel as part of the Indian cricket team, so that there’s healthy communication and you get something that’s best for the Indian cricket team.”
On working with Duncan Fletcher and MS Dhoni:
“Absolutely, he is brilliant. He is a seasoned campaigner. He has over 100 Test matches as a coach for various teams. The good thing is Fletch and me go a long way back. We know each other. I captained the U-25 team against Zimbabwe in 1984 when he was the captain of Zimbabwe. He has got a fabulous track record. It is how we use the knowledge that he has in the best possible way and communicate with the players.
The boss is the captain on the cricket field. I am in charge of the coaching staff. That’s put into place. My job is to oversee things and see things go all right. Who cares who’s the boss? At the end of the day, you win and to hell with it, yaar. Jisko boss banna hai bano. [Whoever wants to be the boss, let him do so].”
What Shastri really meant:
“Now that I’m director I’ll be able to force the players to work on my freely provided suggestions from the commentary box. Theory becomes practice, eh?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Now this is what I call life coming full circle: From player to commentator to super-super coach!”
Zlatan Ibrahimović: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Zlatan Ibrahimović thrashes trash talk at his 33rd birthday bash.
What he said:
“Let’s go back 15 years and all I saw then has come true. Everybody who was trash-talking me? Now they are eating their words. This is my real trophy.”
Swedish striker and captain of the national side, Zlatan Ibrahimović, lets loose a fusillade of criticism at his many critics while blowing out the candles on his birthday cake.
He said:
“So how did this punk from Rosengard get all the way to where I am now? Nobody believed I could do it. Everybody was trash‑talking. They thought I will go away because I have a big mouth. They thought this guy’s vision is crazy. It will not happen. But I had these dreams of where I would end up. And now here I am.”
On criticism driving him forward:
“Yeah, yeah. That’s my hunger. If I start to relax and I lose that then I had better stop my football. I need that hunger. I still feel I need to do things 10 times better than other players. Just to be accepted and to improve myself.”
On a documentary ‘From Rosengard With More Than One Goal‘ charting his meteoric rise from oblivion:
“It was emotional and the documentary took six months. I’m used to having a camera in my face but not a camera following me. When I did the book [the layered, cocky, poignant and very funny I Am Zlatan Ibrahimovic] one guy followed me. This time it’s a camera crew. But I did it because I want to show everyone how my life is different from the inside and how I went all the way from Rosengard to the national team record. It’s also personal. You get to know my father.”
On being different:
“If you are different, or you have minimum possibilities, you can still succeed. I am living proof of that. I didn’t have that ‘wow’ life. I was not a ‘wow’ person. Those around me were not ‘wow’ people. I didn’t live in a ‘wow’ area. So my message to those who feel different, or unlucky, is that if you believe in yourself you will also make it. There is always a possibility. Everything depends on you.”
On the four goals he scored against England in November 2012:
“If you don’t score against the English teams you are not good enough. It’s always been like that. Whenever I played against the English I didn’t score. So they said I am not good enough. Next game, same thing. Oh, see, he’s not good enough. But this triggers me. This gives me adrenalin. People think they might break me but I am the opposite. I get more anger to demonstrate who I am.
I take risks in the way I play so sometimes it doesn’t look ‘wow’. But then came England. They were saying the same thing about me but I just said it will be fantastic – the first match in our new stadium. The first goal came and I was happy. When the second came I was crazy. And when the third went in I looked around. ‘OK, what will you say now?’ With the fourth, the bicycle kick, I thought: ‘That’s it. I don’t know what more I can do.’ Even if you live in England I have to say it gave me an extra-special feeling.”
On fatherhood and discipline:
“They would be totally punished (if they stole a bike, like he did when he was a kid). Yes, I did it but I was not controlled. We were on our own but it’s not the right way to act.
For me, now, discipline and respect is everything. Once they are 18 my boys can do what they want. But until then they are under my roof and it’s my rules. I want to be their father even as they begin to understand who Ibrahimovic is. You know? Zlatan. It’s not a picture I want them to have of me. Even when they joke and call me Zlatan I don’t like it. They must call me Pappa. For me that’s very sensible.
I don’t want them to see their father like my supporters see me. Wherever I go people recognise me. They want a picture of me. But at home I want to be Pappa. I don’t want to be Zlatan. When I go out I represent my club and myself, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, but at home I’m 100% a family person.”
What he really meant:
“I’m 33. I’m a footballing legend. It’s been a journey, a wonderful one. My critics? They can eat their hats while I feast on my birthday cake.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I have a thick skin. ‘Stoicism‘ is my middle name.”
Kevin Pietersen: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Kevin Pietersen promises to shoot from the hip in his autobiography, ‘KP: The Autobiography‘.
What he said:
Kevin Pietersen was the scapegoat for the Ashes debacle Down Under. Is that still news?
It is when you are promoting your version of events in your ghost-written biography. Hagiography, perhaps?
Pietersen publicized his to-be-released book with a series of one-on-one interviews beginning with the Daily Telegraph.
What he really meant:
“I was not the only non-performer on the Ashes tour. But I was the one with a history of run-ins with the authorities in the past. It was a convenient excuse for them and they went to town with it.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Am I the GOAT or what?”
Ian Chappell: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Ian Chappell can walk, chew gum, gorge on spicy dishes and dispatch spin bowlers with appropriate disdain.
What he said:
“If you can walk and chew gum at the same time, then you can eat spicy food and also play spin bowling. The trick is to acquire a taste for the former and be taught the latter correctly at a young age.”
Former Australia skipper Ian Chappell is not convinced by Justin Langer’s specious explanation that playing spin is like eating chilli. One has to develop an appetite for it at an impressionable age to relish it.
Chappell writes:
“I acquired a taste for spicy food at 19 but learned to play spin bowling from about eight. I retain my enjoyment of spicy food to this day and those lessons I was taught as a youngster stood me in good stead as my career progressed, culminating in a few months at finishing school – a tour of India.
To me, it is at a young age that the real problem lies with modern Australian batsmen, and it is here that the roots of their disconnect with playing good spin bowling lie: the coaches overlook the correct footwork fundamentals.
The first things I was told about playing spin bowling were among the most important:
1) Don’t worry about the wicketkeeper when you leave your crease, because if you do it means you are thinking about missing the ball.
2) You might as well be stumped by three yards rather than three inches.
To make a real difference to a spin bowler’s length you have to advance a decent distance, and coming out of your crease only a little generally improves the delivery.”
He added:
“Playing spin bowling well is a state of mind. To succeed, a batsman has to be decisive, look to dominate, have a plan and not fear the turning delivery. Once I learned on the 1969 tour of India that because of the slower nature of the pitches you had a fraction more time than you first thought, and that when the ball turned a long way it provided opportunities for the batsman as well as the bowler, I never again worried about prodigious spin. I was often dismissed but I never again feared the turning ball; I looked upon it as a challenge to be enjoyed.”
What he really meant:
“Eating spicy food requires mouth-work and ability to roll one’s tongue. Playing spin bowling requires footwork and a sharp eye. You can do both because they exercise different body parts. Now, did you get my analogy?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Spicy chewing gum, anyone?”
PR Sreejesh: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
PR Sreejesh does a ‘Psy’ act under the bar.
What he said:
“So yeah, you can term my performance in the final as my `Gangnam act under the bar’.”
Indian hockey goalkeeper and member of the victorious Asian Games squad, PR Sreejesh, is happy with his ‘dance moves‘ during the penalty shootout against Pakistan in the final. The goalie foiled two out of four attempts by their sub-continental arch-rivals.
Sreejesh is a huge fan of the Korean pop star Psy specifically his hit number ‘Gangnam Style‘. The Korean singer-dancer performed at the opening ceremony of the Incheon Games.
Sreejesh said:
“I like music and love to dance as well. Whenever I travel to practice, I listen to music and this time in Korea I was listening to Psy. I was happy to meet him during the opening ceremony and was inspired by him.”
On playing Pakistan twice:
“We didn’t play well against them in the group stage. So we reflected on our performance in that match and felt that we really need to improve. We didn’t want negativity to creep into our minds and thought positively. The team spirit was excellent. We knew the final would be a tough one and fought as a unit. And that paid dividends.
There is extra motivation to do well against Pakistan. Believe me, I was under no pressure when I went into goal for the shootout. I was 100% sure that I am going to keep the Pakistanis at bay and we are going to win. The team had huge belief in me and they also felt I would do nothing wrong in the shootout.”
On his goalkeeping:
“I can still improve. My goalkeeping has improved considerably when I had short stints with two goalkeeping coaches in the past, Martin Drijver and Dave Staniforth.
I hope we can have a permanent goalkeeping coach. Then not just my performance, the performance of other goalkeepers can also improve.”
What he really meant:
“You’ve got to be light on your feet and agile both as a goalie and a performer. It’s all about style, Gangnam style.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Now if I could only get Psy to co-star with me on ‘India’s Dancing Superstar’ or ‘Zara Nachke Dikha’.”
Narendra Hirwani: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Narendra Hirwani is quite a halwai (maker of sweets).
What he said:
“Many of my students at my academy in Indore tell me: ‘Sir, I have bowled 60 balls. Sir, I have bowled 50 balls today.’ I tell them: if you want to make cream, you have to condense it, and that only happens after boiling it for a period of time. A good rabri [sweet] is made only when the cream rises. For quality you need quantity.”
Narendra Hirwani asserts that young cricketers do not bowl enough in the nets.
Nagraj Gollapudi chaired five experts—Bishan Bedi, Maninder Singh, Narendra Hirwani, Murali Kartik and Amol Muzumdar—in a far-ranging discussion that delved into the reasons behind the dearth of quality spinners on the Indian scene.
Hirwani added:
“I would bowl minimum of 90 overs a day as a youngster at the Cricket Club of Indore. I would bowl at just one stump for a couple of hours. In all, I would bowl for a minimum of five hours. If you are bowling at one stump you end up bowling about 30 overs in an hour. This kind of training, bowling at one stump, is equivalent to vocalists doing riyaaz [music practice]. You build your muscle memory.”
What Hirwani really meant:
“Practice does make perfect. You have to make spin bowling a secondary habit before you can add variety to your armor. Your fundamentals have to be sound.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Good coaches can incentivize young bowlers by offering them sweetmeats as rewards. The creamier the better. More malai (cream) and maalish (massage) for more majdoori (hard work).“
Ravi Shastri: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Ravi Shastri foresaw what Sunil Narine did not see coming.
What he said:
“He treated the threat of ban as he views the charge of batsmen ill-advised dashes which could only result in failure.”
Ravi Shastri comments as to why Sunil Narine failed to read the tea leaves and continued his suspect action despite being warned by the Champions League Technical Committee. The West Indian off-spinner and Kolkata Knight Riders stalwart was called again in the Champions League semi-final and will warm the benches for the final against Chennai Super Kings.
Shastri said:
“He might have been emboldened by a fresh set of officials for the semifinals. Or he might have seen the swell of support from his teammates as his validation. Once you are indestructible, you sense you are indestructible at all levels.
Narine now has cost his team its most lethal weapon for the finals. His international career for the moment is unimpeded, but he can’t be dismissive of the threat like he has been in the Champions League. He can’t allow this shadow to lengthen on the IPL door.”
What he really meant:
“Sunil, perhaps, felt it was a one-off or that he could do nothing about his action overnight . Besides, the pressure to perform and keep bagging wickets for the side is too much to allow one to think through the consequences of one’s action (sic). Just because you have a cheerleading squad rooting your every ball doesn’t mean you can chuck. Check that action, Narine.”
What he definitely didn’t literally sing:
“The banned didn’t see it coming.”
Ryan Lochte: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Ryan Lochte ‘dumbs down’ Michael Phelps.
What he said:
“I’m not concerned – he just makes dumb decisions.”
Michael Phelps’ compatriot and Swimming USA teammate Ryan Lochte is critical of his second misdemeanor in ten years. Earlier this week, the Olympic legend was booked for Driving Under the Influence (DUI). He has since issued an apology to his fans.
Lochte added:
“He has so much money to get a driver. I even have a driver. It just stinks for the sport of swimming.
But he will become smarter from this. Luckily he did not hurt himself or someone else.”
Lochte later tempered his remarks tweeting thus:
What he really meant:
“You’ve got to admit being booked twice for DUI is stupid. Especially when you know that as a celebrity you are under the scanner every moment. Consider the endorsements he could possibly lose. Besides, he could have killed someone, you know. That’s the most important thing.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Don’t worry, Michael. You could always make do with some breathalyser and beer endorsements instead. And how about an appearance in a public interest campaign, ‘Don’t Drink and Drive’?”
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