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MS Dhoni: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Mahendra Singh Dhoni couldn’t be spicier with his final words as Test captain.
What he said:
“Now, even PETA has said that you can’t cosmetically remove the tail.”
Responding to a scribe’s question, “Their (Australia’s) tail is like Hanuman’s. Yours is like a Doberman’s. That must be hurting your side,” India’s outgoing skipper replied:
“Now, even PETA has said that you can’t cosmetically remove the tail. It has been a big problem for us that we don’t have a genuine allrounder. We have tried to play six batsmen and five bowlers before, but then the tail becomes as long as a cow’s … Hopefully, if we can find an allrounder, the tail problem will be resolved. But the tail problem is really a big problem.”
The man who brought back the World Cup to India remarked thus when asked to compare the two whitewashes of 2011 and 2011-12:
“You die, you die; you don’t see which is a better way to die. You end your Test career, you end your Test career. You don’t see which is a better way to end your Test career.”
What he really meant:
“There’s nothing pleasing about the way the Indian tail disintegrates in the face of aggression. Nothing cosmetic about it for sure.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“The Indian tail proudly announces the formation of a new body, PETT—People for the Ethical Treatment of Tail-enders.”
Michael Holding: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Michael Holding delivers a no ball.
What he said:
“You can see the front line, it does not move, put your foot on it.”
Michael Holding makes it clear that bowlers have no excuses for overstepping the line.
What he really meant:
“If you cannot legally bowl sighted, you ought to try blindfolds.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“It’s time they reduced the pitch to 20 yards instead or re-introduced the back-foot rule. It’ll help given the clubs batsmen wield these days.”
Chris Rogers: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Chris Rogers unwraps a ‘Boxing Day’ quote.
English: Chris Rogers playing for Northamptonshire against Cambridge UCCE at Fenner’s on 15 April 2007. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
What he said:
“I’d like to say it’s hard to miss, but I won’t.”
Chris Rogers quips away on being hit in the box by Ishant Sharma in the first over of the Melbourne Test on the 26th.
What he really meant:
“Balls! Ouch!”
What he definitely didn’t:
“What an apt beginning to the Boxing Day test.”
MS Dhoni: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
MS Dhoni dries up the speculation.
What he said:
“Actually that was the case, Virat [Kohli] used a knife. He stabbed Shikhar [Dhawan], who just recovered out of that, then we pushed him to bat. These are all stories. Marvel, maybe Warner Bros or somebody should pick up this and make a nice movie out of it.”
Mahendra Singh Dhoni squashes rumours about a split in the dressing room and poked fun at tales about a fracas between Delhi mates Virat Kohli and Shikhar Dhawan.
He added:
“If somebody from the team has actually told you this, it’d be interesting if you could give us the name. Because his imagination is really brilliant and he should be working for one of the movie companies. He doesn’t deserve to be in our dressing room, because he has entirely created something that has not been there at all. Stuff like that makes good stories for the tabloid and maybe it helps them sell it. As far as the reality is concerned, there’s been nothing like that.”
What he really meant:
“Take a yarn and make it wilder; that’s in the realm of rumour, that’s in the realm of fiction. Fiction has no part to play in the Indian dressing room. “
What he definitely didn’t:
“Bloody Tales from the Dressing Room’ starring Virat and Shikhar ought to be the name of the film. I’ll play the narrator.”
Harbhajan Singh: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Harbhajan Singh ‘Marshalls’ domestic pacers.
Harbhajan Singh – Ind Vs Eng,Mumbai, March 29,2006. Copyright I am the creator of the photograph. Camera manufacturer :: CANON, Camera model :: A610; Pixels :: 5 Megapixels; Zoom :: 4X (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
What he said:
“But we shouldn’t leave so much grass where even a 120-kph bowler appears like Malcolm Marshall.”
Indian team discard and off-spinner Harbhajan Singh is critical of the BCCI policy to provide green-top wickets for the ongoing Ranji trophy.
He said:
“Our wickets make such bowlers look unplayable. Some of these bowlers end up picking 50 wickets in a season. So you can’t ignore them. When such a bowler is picked for international cricket, he gets exposed while bowling on a slightly drier surface. The ball doesn’t reach the batsman.”
“I feel the wicket should offer help to pacers on the first morning but it shouldn’t get bowlers into a mindset that ‘waah, toss jeet gaye, ab toh mera hi din hai [wow, we have won the toss. Now it is my day]’. There should be help for bowlers but if a batsman applies himself he should also be able to score big. And on the fourth-fifth days, spinners should come into play.
Play on a sporting wicket but don’t play on a wicket where ordinary bowlers are made to look terrorizing. It doesn’t help. We are not taking the game anywhere. You are giving fake confidence to bowlers. Anybody can bowl on such wickets. It is like on a rank turner, anybody can take wickets. Similarly, any seamer who can swing the ball a bit and bowls a good line and length will do well on such tops. But to make it challenging, you have to make the conditions change just like it happens in Test cricket.”
What he really meant:
“It was alright when we had spinning wickets on the first day for home Tests, and we spinners could corner all the wickets. The fast bowlers would just take the shine off the ball. But this means the boot is on the other foot and I can’t kick unshod. Besides, how am I to make the World Cup squad if I can’t get anyone out?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“The additional bounce suits me just fine. My kind of bowling relies less on turn and more on upward trajectory.”
Frank Tyson: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Frank Tyson is a man of contradictions, atavistic yet progressive.
What he said:
“To bowl quick is to revel in the glad animal action.”
Former English fast bowler—arguably the quickest of the quicks—Frank Holmes Tyson describes the thrill of unleashing thunderbolts.
Tyson said:
“There is a sudden shock shaking me to the skull as the stiff left leg crashes into the unsympathetic turf. My whole body flings itself after the ball as if in malediction towards the batsman. To bowl quick is to revel in the glad animal action.”
Do pacers enjoy knocking down their opponents?
“When people ask me about the use of the bouncer, of the fast bowler wanting to hit the batsman, I never understand that. I never wanted to hit people; I wanted to get them out. You use the bouncer in a shock capacity. I was almost a one-day wonder, in terms of how much Test cricket I played. But the one thing I knew was that I could get past the Australian batsmen, with sheer pace. I had a captain, Len Hutton, who used me with a certain criteria in mind. I could either bowl in a holding capacity or in a shock capacity. Alright, I concede I was fast, but it was not something that I could maintain over a period of time.”
Tyson was a student of English literature graduating from the University of Durham.
The Englishman was prone to reciting poetry to his opponents.
His favourite was William Wordsworth’s “Ode on the intimation to immortality when recollected in early childhood” which he would
soliloquise to himself on his way back to the mound.
“The rainbow comes and goes,
And lovely is the rose;
The moon doth with delight
Look round her when the heavens are bare;
Waters on a starry night
Are beautiful and fair;
The sunshine is a glorious birth;
But yet I know, where’er I go,
That there hath past away a glory from the earth.”
What he really meant:
“There’s nothing more aggressive and brutish on the cricket field than the sight of a fast bowler intimidating the opposition with pace and skill. To be a fast bowler is to be an animal—for the moment—and enjoy the feeling.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Poetry in motion cherry by my side
My lovely locomotion keeps the batsman’s eyes open wide
Poetry in motion see the coward sway
A wave out on the ocean could never move that way.(With apologies to Johnny Tillotson).”
MS Dhoni: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
MS Dhoni is all about setting an example for the children.
What he said:
“A lot of time we are asked what spirit of cricket is. What I feel is it is something you don’t want your kids to do when they are playing.”
Mahendra Singh Dhoni re-defines the spirit of cricket. The Indian skipper does not need the ICC definition that states that “cricket is always played in a truly sportsmanlike manner.”
Dhoni said:
“Till they are not abusing each other, and don’t cross the line, it(aggression) is fine. A lot of kids and elderly people also watch the game. A lot of time we are asked what spirit of cricket is. What I feel is it is something you don’t want your kids to do when they are playing.
If anything that is within the boundaries, within the guidelines of the game, I am happy with it. You also want a bit of aggression in the game because it provides entertainment to the spectators.”
What he really meant:
“You wouldn’t want your kids sledging you when you’re playing backyard or courtyard cricket, do you?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“It’s all part and parcel of the game. Kids should take to sledging like a fish to water.”
VVS Laxman: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
VVS Laxman springs to a quick defence.
What he said:
What he really meant:
“One team’s aggro is another team’s folly, is it?”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I agree. The Indian side should go gently into the night.”
Mark Taylor: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Mark Taylor is neither cuddle-some nor huddle-some.
What he said:
“I’ll put that in the same category as the third new ball. Over-rated. Huddles are over-rated.”
What he really meant:
“I could cuddle my team-members all day but without a plan in the huddle, we’d all be in a muddle.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“It’s cold out in the middle, let’s huddle more often.”
Shane Warne: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t
Shane Warne is a hard man to please.
Shane Warne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
What he said:
“He has to change his body language, it needs to be stronger – he looks a bit soft. He needs to puff his chest out a bit, look harder.”
Shane Warne stirred up a storm with his criticism of Mitchell Starc in the second Test at Brisbane against India.
The former Australian leg-spinner and all-time great was commentating for Nine Network.
Darren Lehmann was among those to react.
Lehmann said:
“Soft. He used those words? That’s very harsh…I will take it up with Shane myself.”
Starc’s girlfriend Australian women’s cricketer Alyssa Healy was quick to come to his defence on Twitter.
She said:
Shane Warne, forced to back-pedal, responded on Twitter:
Starc appeared to respond positively to the brouhaha scoring a fifty in Australia’s batting essay and cleaning out first innings centurion Murali Vijay for 27.
What Warne really meant:
“Fast bowlers are meant to intimidate the opposition, look them in the eye and stare them down. That’s the body language I’m referring to. I was able to do that and I was no pacer!”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Cricket used to be a gentleman’s game. What has the world come to?”
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