cricket

Cricket: Ten reasons why the BCCI opposes DRS (Humour)

Ten reasons why the BCCI steadfastly refuses to utilize the Decision Review System (DRS) in bilateral series involving India:

10) BCCI honchos believe DRS stands for Debatable Review System.

9) Test umpires paid off the BCCI to oppose the system.

8) BCCI members feel left out of the process; if this decision is taken out of their hands, what will board members convene a press conference for?

7) The BCCI have yet to form a committee to weigh pros and cons of the system.

6) DRS research files are with Lalit Modi. It is too embarrassing for the BCCI to request them back now.

5) BCCI officials do not agree with the term "snickometer". It sounds too much like "snickermeter" or "sniggermeter’". A retrospective fallout.

4) The BCCI have not received permission from the defence ministry to import the system.  It is military equipment, after all. The Indian government wishes to build HotSpot indigenously instead.

3) The BCCI would rather wait for FIFA to first approve goal-line technology. Heaven forbid that they be perceived as more progressive than the world’s foremost soccer body.

2) The memo approving the system is pending with Messr Sharad Pawar. The honourable minister desires to table a motion before parliament.

1) "Call us bully-boys, will ya? Let’s behave so."

Quote of the day: The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. – George Bernard Shaw

Ricky Ponting: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"I would have liked to have another old bloke around the group with me, yeah."

Ricky Ponting “pines” for Simon Katich’s company in the Australian side. The former Australian captain and Michael Hussey are the only senior cricketers in the current Test squad. Ponting believes that Katich’s dropping is a warning shot across their bows by Cricket Australia selectors.

What he really meant:

“Hussey and I could do with some company—our age.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“We’re geriatric.”

Stuart Clark: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“"I can categorically say we won’t be paying Chris Gayle one quarter of our salary to come and play."

Sydney Sixers general manager, Stuart Clark, makes it clear that it is unlikely that his side will spend a quarter of a million dollars on the West Indian opener for the Big Bash league. Each side is restricted to a salary cap of one million Australian dollars.

What he really meant:

“We can’t afford free agents like Chris Gayle—not at those prices. Our focus is local.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“We’re discriminating against Chris.”

Bryce McGain: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“’The Australian cricket team is not an AFL, NRL, or rugby team.”

Veteran Australian leg-spinner, Bryce McGain, is aghast at the “blatant ageism” showcased by national selectors in the unceremonious dumping of opening batsman, Simon Katich, from the list of 25 centrally contracted players. He believes that comparisons to rugby or football are odious since it’s not about creating even competition between international sides.

What he really meant:

“It’s about KIS—Keeping It Simple. Just choose the top 25 players in the country.”

What he definitely didn’t:
”The older we get, the stupider others seem.”

Chris Gayle’s travails highlight ‘club vs country’ debate once more

What will Chris Gayle do? What can he do?

The West Indian bat is not forgiven by the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB).

“It’s our way or the highway” was the message to the Jamaican all-rounder in the latest meet between representatives of the WICB and the West Indian Players Association (WIPA) called to resolve the differences between Chris Gayle and WICB.

The aggrieved board insists that Gayle retract his statements,critical of the board’s functioning specifically about mishandling his injury and his turning out for Royal Challengers Bangalore in the  IPL.

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Kieron Pollard: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Optimal fitness is not about sporting a six pack.They only look good on TV or the beach.”

Kieron Pollard does not feel the need to build up “mirror muscles” or a six-pack. He is a firm believer that fitness is what you need—it has to be practical, something you can use.

What he really meant:

“Endurance and agility—that’s what cricketers need.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I love Kevin Pietersen’s washboard-like abs.”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Protector of the “endangered” (Satire)

RANCHI—

In breaking news, it is learnt that India’s cricket captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, was approached—jointly—by the West Indian Players Association (WIPA) and the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB) to become the brand ambassador of Caribbean cricket.

The  bodies-at-loggerheads—through Dhoni—seek to drive home the message that West Indian cricket is under threat of slow extinction and needs revival to  promote continuation of a joyous, carefree brand of island cricket.

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Andy Roberts: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“But now, he[Munaf Patel] is spinning the ball.”

Andy Roberts says that Indian pace bowlers cut down on pace at international level, becoming slower and slower over the years.He believe that they are transformed into line-and-length bowlers by their coaches.

What he really meant:

“Anil Kumble can bowl as quick as Munaf.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“That’s the reason why the West Indies have slower pitches in recent times.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I don’t know whether it is mistrust of technology or kidology on their [India’s] behalf.”

Graeme Swann is perplexed by the BCCI’s decision to veto the use of the Decision Review System (DRS) in the up-coming India-England series. It is viewed by some as a move to negate Swann’s ability to get frequent leg-before dismissals—under the system; by others, as protecting Sachin Tendulkar who is the beneficiary of more benefit-of-the-doubt decisions than any other player—owing to his stature. 

What he really meant:

“The reasons given [by the BCCI] are laughable.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Technology is for kids.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“If there is an uglier top three in the world I don’t know of it.”

Graeme Swann believes that Andrew Strauss, Alistair Cook and Jonathan Trott are the ugliest top three batsmen in international cricket at the moment. But effective, nonetheless.

What he really meant:

“I didn’t know what ‘winning ugly’ meant—until these three.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“They’re the good, bad and ugly of English cricket.”