sports

Salman Khan ‘Dabangg’ refused offer from Pune Warriors: Saurav Ganguly benefits (Satire)

MUMBAI—

Salman Khan was offered a spot with Pune Warriors as a replacement for Ashish Nehra.

The ‘Dabangg’ star was asked by Sahara Group’s director of communications, Mr. Abhijit Sarkar, to play for the struggling IPL side.

The overture was made prior to the subsequent signing of Saurav Ganguly.

“Salman was quite enthused about the idea of turning out for an IPL side and was set to don grey flannels. We gave him an additional sweetener by allowing Zarine Khan to be one of the Cheer Queens.”

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Why Saurav Ganguly signed up with the Pune Warriors (Satire)

KOLKATTA—

Sourav Ganguly, in an exclusive interview to MakeTimeForSports, revealed the reason why he decided to accept an offer from Pune Warriors for this year’s IPL.

“I had completely given up hope of playing for Kolkatta Knight Riders  or any other franchise in this IPL. That mealy-mouthed SRK is not my favourite actor anymore.” said the former India captain.

“I was looking for the right franchise to turn to. Kochi Tuskers was on my radar. But the final decision was made by my wife,Dona.” disclosed the ODI legend.

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Ricky Ponting’s the next Scott Draper (Humour)

 

Ricky Ponting has decided to take up professional golf.

Seriously.

It’s that damned fool Gary Player who’s been filling his head with these ideas.

Player did not even know who Ricky was when he first met him. But can he recognise a fine swing or what?

What next?

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From the English to the Lankans, ‘Come as you are’ (Humour)

David Lloyd, in the Independent, remarked thus: “England’s first series since the Ashes euphoria of four months ago may feel more like a ‘come as you are’ street party than a suited-and-booted city pageant.”

The comment was directed at the up-coming tour of England by Sri Lanka.

Bumble was, of course, referring to the current state of unrest in Sri Lankan cricket; a change of captain and vice-captain, the resignation of the selection committee, the retirement of Lasith Malinga from Test cricket and the lure of the IPL putting paid to plans of a training camp before the team embarked on the series.

The English team would be well-advised to welcome the tourists with this Nirvana song, penned by Kurt Cobain.

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What he said, meant and definitely didn’t: Gary Player

What he said:

“The way you hit the ball, you’re wasting your time playing cricket.”

South African golfing great, Gary Player, to Ricky Ponting on watching him golf.

What he meant:

“You can drive even better on the golf course.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Cricket’s for cows.”

“You’re the next Tiger Woods.”

Weekend Cricket Diary: Chanderpaul,Pataudi and the IPL

29th April, 2011:

WICB chief Ernest Hilaire’s comments about the West Indian team hit a raw nerve—Shivnarine Chanderpaul’s.

When he termed the West Indian cricketers of the past 15 years as lacking application and discipline, he overlooked the chip on Chanderpaul’s shoulder.

The Guyanese bat of Indian origin who uncomplainingly carried Windies hopes, oft receiving less than his share of glory—overshadowed first by Brian Lara and later Chris Gayle—, came out strongly in a letter addressed to Hilaire .

Questioning the use of ‘we’ in his interview, the Guyanese asked him, “Are you speaking for yourself, albeit as CEO of the West Indies Cricket Board or are you speaking for and on behalf of the West Indies Cricket Board itself?”

Chanderpaul threatened to take whatever action necessary to safeguard his reputation.

The boot is truly on the other foot.

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What he said, meant and definitely didn’t : David Lloyd

What he said:

“England’s first series since the Ashes euphoria of four months ago may feel more like a ‘come as you are’ street party than a suited-and-booted city pageant.”

David Lloyd aka Bumble on the up-coming tour of England by Sri Lanka.

What he meant:

“The Lankans will hardly have any time to slip out of their IPL pyjamas for the Tests.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Why not play the Tests in pyjamas? And at night? Lalit Modi’s here, let’s ask him to help out.”

Michael Holding, the ‘doosra’ is here to stay

Fast bowling legend, Michael Holding, set the cat among the pigeons with his comments regarding the legality of the ‘doosra’ during the second ODI between Pakistan and West Indies at St. Lucia.

It is not the first time that old-timers have questioned the legality of the delivery.It will not be the last.

India’s Bishan Singh Bedi is another rabid critic of the off-spinner’s googly.

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E-book readers kill book cricket (Satire)

MUMBAI.

Exponents of ‘book cricket’ are concerned about the future of the game.

The advent of e-books and e-readers threatens to make the game obsolete in schools and colleges all over the country.

“Once e-books and e-readers become prevalent, ‘book cricket’ as a sport will die out.” says Mr. Raddiwallah, an avid book-cricketer.

Muralidharan substantiates Hashan Tillekaratne’s allegations of match-fixing (Satire)

Muttiah Muralidharan admitted that there exists more than a modicum of ‘truth’ in Hashan Tillekaratne’s allegations of match-fixing in Sri Lanka.

The legendary off-spinner stated that he ,too ,indulged in match-fixing.

“My wife and I were fixed up. It was an arranged match and I don’t see anything wrong with it. It is a Indo-Sri Lanka collaboration that has worked to our mutual benefit.” said the Tamil , with a toothy grin.