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Bolshoi,The Boxer, Believes It Paes to Be Leander’s Muse (Satire)


Bulldog

Bolshoi, my pet Boxer, wishes to act in a Hollywood picture.

“I have decided that I will become a film star. I want to win an Oscar for the country.”

“Sure. And pigs will fly.” I reply.

“I am serious. If Leander Paes can dream of securing an Academy Award in his second avatar, I can make it happen as well.” Bolshoi glares at me.

“Leander Paes is a sports celebrity. He has a huge advantage over you. Besides, his wife Rhea Pillai has filmi connections and  he’s had acting classes before making the transition. He’s also good-looking.” I pour some cold water.

“I’ve had histrionics tuition as well. My friend, Botox, the Pekingese, has been assisting me in the nuances of facing the camera. She is a very gifted artiste and has won several prizes in dog shows. She is well-versed in the art of make-up and cosmetics.”

Bolshoi shows me his left cheek, duly rouged.

“You’ll need more than acting classes to make it to the big screen. Bollywood would be a better bet, but you have learn to shake a leg and lip-sync.” My curiosity is piqued.

“Are you not listening to me? I’ve been training for two hours daily, under Botox’s gimlet eye. I have mastered the moves to ‘Sheela Ki Jawani’ and am now working on ‘Chaiya, Chaiya’.”

Bolshoi twirls and prances to an imaginary beat.

“I don’t know why you keep drawing inspiration from these pumped-up prima donnas. They live action-packed lives and need some more when they retire. You are just an old dog and should retire to your kennel.”

I turn away.

“I am as young as I feel. Besides, Vijay Amritraj ,too, starred in a Bond movie, Octopussy.Look at his brother Anand, producing all those Van Damme movies. I could make it huge as well."

“You are unduly encouraged by your girlfriend, Botox. I don’t quite approve of her, you know.” Botox is not my favourite four-legged person.

“You are such a spoil sport. Don’t you think that I score over the Kolkattan when it comes to crossing over to the West? At least,I will not be relegated to bit roles playing a terrorist or a Hispanic love interest. I can be as big a star as Lassie.Or the 101 Dalmatians.” Bolshoi loves to dream big.

“Bolshoi, you can try. But I am not accompanying you on any shoots.”

“Don’t you worry about that. Botox has volunteered her services to be my secretary. She will handle all my travelling and scheduling. She has everything chalked out.” Bolshoi moves towards the door.

“Where are you going now?”, I growl.

“Amisha Patel has opted out of Leander’s film, Rajdhani Express. Botox and I have  approached her to make  her next pic with us.”

Amisha Patel at the special screening of Ankah...

Image via Wikipedia

 

http://www.youtube.com/v/c0vsZQlzF80?fs=1&hl=en_USQuote of the day:
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. – Jean Paul Richter

About LINUS FERNANDES

I have been an IT professional with over 12 years professional experience. I'm an B.Sc. in Statistics, M.Sc in Computer Science (University of Mumbai) and an MBA from the Cyprus International Institute of Management. I'm also a finance student and have completed levels I and II of the CFA course. Blogging is a part-time vocation until I land a full-time position. I am also the author of three books, Those Glory Days: Cricket World Cup 2011, IPL Vignettes and Poems: An Anthology, all available on Amazon Worldwide.

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