sports

Jose Mourinho: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"The other day a friend suggested to me that with all the stones thrown at me you could build a monument."

Real Madrid manager, Jose Mourinho, is unrepentant for poking Barcelona assistant coach, Tito Vilanova in the eye during a 2-3 loss to Barca. The Spanish football federation (RFEF) have instituted an inquiry into the incident.

Mourinho told Spanish newspaper El Mundo:

“"In contrast to other leagues where I’ve managed here I feel like there is a campaign against me.”

What he really meant:

“If I had the time and the inclination, I’d collect these ‘stones’ and put them to good use in a memorial.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m quitting coaching and going into construction.”

Paul Nixon: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I know all the Leicestershire players inside out, but I held Josh Cobb in my arms when he was born, which is scary. Luckily I didn’t drop him.”

Leicestershire wicketkeeper, Paul Nixon—on his retirement—discloses that the hardest catch he ever held was young ‘un, Josh Cobb, when he (Cobb) was a newborn. Nixon quit the game on a high with his side clinching the Friends Life T20 title beating Somerset by 20 runs.

What he really meant:

“I know it’s time to quit the sport when I find (erstwhile) coddling babes toddling alongside me.”

What he definitely didn’t say:

“Now I’m dismissing batsmen off Cobb’s bowling. Oh, how times have changed.”

Darren Lehmann:What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“They’re going to have to play with plans to face all those sorts of bowlers, and really live or die by the sword.”

Former cricketer, Darren Lehmann, has words of advice for the current Australian team on how to tackle the Sri Lankan tweakers on slow home pitches.

Lehmann adds:

“Whatever plan it is, have it, believe it and implement it.”

What he really meant:

“If cricketers are gladiators, then willows are sabres. Wield them like rapiers and scythe through Ajantha Mendis, Rangana Herath and Suraj Randiv.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Hoist yourselves on your own petards and collapse upon your wickets.”

Ryan Harrison: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I didn’t break any racquets; I didn’t say swearwords on court.  It could have gotten better and I could have been better.  I didn’t really go nuts.”

Ryan Harrison has an entirely different view of his on-court behaviour in his first round straight-sets loss to Croatia’s Marin Cilic on the first day of the US Open.

What he really meant:

“I was quite decorous in my on-court behaviour, wasn’t I? Look, no broken rackets, no abuse. Commendable, eh?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m that transparent, am I? What, my skidding my racquet gave me away?”

Andrea Petkovic: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

“I would be Jessica Alba and seduce all men.”

Andrea Petkovic believes that Jessica Alba is superhuman. The German tennis star answered as above when asked what super hero ability she would want.

What she really meant:

“Don’t tell anyone but I don’t buy into that WTA poster campaign ‘Strong Is Beautiful’.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Tennis stars aren’t heroic?”

“Jessica Alba isn’t really Susan Storm, the Invisible Woman?”

Lee Westwood: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"Glad Sharapova’s not playing in Crans this week! They’d hear her in Geneva! Come on Watson finish her off for the sake of our eardrums!"

Golfer Lee Westwood tweets his support for Britisher, Heather Watson, during her first round encounter with Maria Sharapova at the US Open on Monday, the 29th of August, 2011.

What he really meant:

“Hell! I’m glad Maria’s not a golfer. Picture the havoc she’d wreak on our games with her shrieking and grunting after each stroke.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Bring on the vuvuzuelas as well!”

Petra Kvitova: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she  said:

"It was the head."

Wimbledon champion Petra Kvitova has an explanation for her first round loss at the  US Open to Romanian, Alexandra Dulgheru.

What she really meant:

“I understand psychology and physiology—if the head doesn’t function, the body parts follow.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I’m gonna practice some soccer style headers with a tennis ball to prevent a recurrence.”

Andrea Petkovic: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

“If this was a hurricane, then I basically live in a constant tornado in Griesheim, Germany, where I live.”

Andrea Petkovic blogs that Hurricane Irene that hit New York city on Aug 28, 2011—the eve of the US Open— was a mere squall in comparison to the weather in her home town.

What she really meant:

“Much ado about nothing, in particular. Our matches haven’t been rescheduled, so it’s no big deal.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I need lessons in English grammar, so that I don’t repeat the same word twice or more in a single sentence.”

Maria Sharapova:What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

“I’m terrible at other sports. I don’t even try.”

Maria Sharapova confesses that she’s not gifted—she’s a specialist and a success in tennis alone.

What she really meant:

“I love to win and since I can’t excel at other sports, I don’t even try. That reminds me, that I haven’t been winning that much in tennis either.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“It doesn’t mean that I don’t watch other sports. Sasha catches mine, I catch his (basketball).”

Otto, the German Shepherd, analyses the US Open men’s draw

My dog, Otto the German Shepherd, is a tennis nut.

“You haven’t analysed the men’s draw for the US Open. Today’s the 27th and the tournament begins on the 29th.” pestered Otto.

“I know. I’ve just been a little wrapped up in other things.” I reply, tiredly.

“But you have to do the men’s draw. That’s like manna for tennis followers.” insists Otto.

“Oh, I’m sure, they are multiple draw analyses floating around the internet. The smart ones can visit USOpen.org and figure it out themselves.” I attempt to fob off my companion.

“But that’s not the point, is it? It’s good for you too. You can’t follow the US Open without delving into the draw. It’s like going into a dark night without a torch.” Otto is a member of the local debate club.

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