sports

Barrack Obama: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“You invented the game. That’s like saying America is number one at baseball or American football.”

British Prime Minister, David Cameron,  relates US President Barrack Obama’s riposte to his boast of England being the No.1 side in world cricket.

What he really meant:

“Frankly, I don’t know much about cricket. But then, you don’t know much about baseball or American football, for that matter.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Crickets??? Aren’t those garden insects?”

Andrew Flintoff: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I bet you he’s tearing his hair out.”

Andrew Flintoff contends that Team India coach,Duncan Fletcher, is extremely frustrated by the Indian team’s performance in England. The Indians trail 0-3 in the Test series.

What he really meant:

“Fletcher’s tearing his hair out—for now. He’ll soon start tearing out other body parts as well, if the trend continues.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Fletcher’s to have a hair transplant soon. He’s creating space.”

Indian cricket: Thirteen Englishmen is all it took

A tale of 13 Englishmen and how they upended the No.1 Test team in the world:

Strauss promised he’d make them Rew,

their ill-preparedness and  inability to decipher swing.

Alistair Cooked their goose with a 294,

Edgbaston was his Baston.

Trott lumbered out muttering,

“My name’s Jon-A-Ton”.

Ian rang the Bell,

the chimes of dethronement.

Kevin hit his stride and

the Indians’ fight Pietered out.

Eoin has not quite had them under the gun,

yet his pellets had bite too.

Ravi has yet to hop and Bop,

but he’ll have his chances.

Matt’s no doormat,

Someone should have warned the men in blue—Prior.

Chris had them Tremling in the first,

Bresnan had them cowering later

with Timidity.

Stuart saunters in whistling,

“The English bats are Broad,

right to No. 10”.

The English duckling is now a Swann.

And with Anderson sounding the bowling clarion call,

It’s simply “EndJames” for Dhoni.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Ambrose Bierce

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Stacey Allaster: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

"Our DNA is different.”

WTA CEO, Stacey Allaster, says that women grunting on court can be put down to the difference between the sexes.

What she really meant:

“I’ve read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ like a million times.It’s my gospel.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Now, that explains why Serena Williams serves quicker than most men on the tour.”

Jo Wilfried Tsonga: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"He plays incredible tennis, but he’s not an alien.”

Jo Wilfried Tsonga is convinced that Novak Djokovic is not an extra-terrestrial despite playing extraordinary  tennis this year. Tsonga adds: “In fact, what he does is doing everything better than the others. He doesn’t hit harder, he doesn’t hit the ball earlier. But he’s always there. This is tiring when you play against him. He does not have the best return on the tour. But on every return, he returns well, and he’s always there. So what does it is his consistency, and he has no weaknesses."

What he really meant:

“If Novak’s an alien, then so are the rest of us. It’s just that he does it over a longer period.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Djokovic’s alienated.”

Jo Wilfried Tsonga: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“"I don’t have the pretension to try to beat Novak without my arm."

Jo Wilfried Tsonga is more than realistic about his chances against Novak Djokovic without a ‘good arm’. The Frenchman conceded his semi-final at Montreal 4-6,0-3 complaining of pain in his right appendage.

What he really meant:

“I have one tennis-playing arm and one racket. I’m not ambidextrous.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’s not golf. We don’t play handicapped.”

Li Na: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

"I would like to say, my agent doing good job."

Li Na’s response to her signing on by Mercedes Benz and Haagen-Dazs,making her the highest earning female athlete after Maria Sharapova, is as funny as her other wisecracks.

What she really meant:

“I play tennis. I bag trophies. My agent plays sponsors. My agents bags endorsements.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Sharapova’s agent is doing a better job. Can I have him instead?”

Rahul Dravid: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I could never have imagined it was a shoelace.”

Rahul Dravid is flabbergasted to learn that the sound he heard came not from his bat but from an errant shoelace. Dravid walked on being adjudged out by umpire Simon Taufel in the second innings of the third Test at Edgbaston.

In his own words: “"My first instinct was that I had not hit it. But there was a loud noise, and I couldn’t figure out where it had come from. I knew I hadn’t hit the ground, or my pad, or my shoe, so it confused me as to where the noise had come from. But I didn’t think I had touched it. So I asked my partner and he said there was a big noise. So I had Simon Taufel, one of the best umpires in the world, ruling me out, my partner saying it was out and I myself had heard the noise. I thought maybe it was just one of those instances where I hadn’t felt the edge.”

What he really meant:

“A shoelace? A shoelace?? A shooooooelaaace?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Now, if I had listened to my momma and fastened untied, untidy laces, this would have never occurred.”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"We have not been sleeping so we don’t need a wake-up call."

Mahendra Singh Dhoni retains his sense of humour in responding to a question whether the 3-0 series scoreline is a wake-up call.

What he really meant:

“Actually, the boys are groggy from lack of sleep.IPL partying, West Indian discos and charity dinners kept them on their toes.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Motion sickness? Oh, yes, we’re going through the motions and our fans are sick.”

Ali Brown: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Ali Brown, England and Surrey CCC Cricketer. Uploaded per request at Wikipedia:Images for upload. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What he said:

“I always believed that the day my age exceeds my batting average it would be time to consider calling time on my career.”

Ali Brown (Alistair Duncan Brown), former English cricketer, announces his retirement from county cricket (and Surrey) with a witticism. Ali is 41 and his first-class average is 42.67.

What he really meant:

“’41 out on 42’ is what I really wanted to say.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I didn’t want to go out with my waist exceeding my batting average.”