soccer

Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho switch sides for Champions League semi-final (Satire)

The Union Of European Football Associations (UEFA) has stepped in to resolve the on-going feud between Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho and his Barcelona counter-part Pep Guardiola.

In an innovative solution mutually agreeable to both parties, it has been decided that the two coaches will switch sides for the Champions League semi-final, the first leg of which is scheduled  to be played tonight at the Bernabeu.

Real Madrid and Barcelona owners agreed to the swap; the two teams would have to cough up exorbitant fines otherwise.

Greg Chappell takes over as coach from Bob Houghton (Satire)

Australian cricket great Greg Chappell has been chosen to replace Englishman Bob Houghton as coach of the Indian soccer team by the All-India Football Federation (AIFF).

Greg Chappell had expressed his desire to return to coaching an Indian team ;the AIFF responded by inviting him to take over the mantle from ousted Houghton.

AIFF general secretary, Kushal Das, said, “We need a coach who is out-spoken, enjoys the confidence of the players and who does not shy away from controversy.”

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Jose Mourinho will stay silent to Real Madrid journalists (Satire)

Jose Mourinho, enfant terrible, has been disciplined for his extraordinary press conference following Real Madrid’s 1-1 draw against Barcelona on April 16, 2011.

The fiery coach completely ignored Madrid journalists and answered questions only from Barcelona-accredited reporters and members of the international press.

Venky’s chicken takes over Blackburn Rovers: New Product Ideas (Satire)

The news that Indian poultry giant Venkateshwara Hatcheries (VH) affectionately known to all as Venky’s chicken, struck a deal to take over BlackBurn Rovers , an English Premier League (EPL) team has come like a thunderbolt out of the blue.

This is a wonderful time for Indian companies making their presence felt across the international sporting arena.

The Indian Premier League is the second most expensive league in the world.

Force India is Vijay Mallya’s acquisition in the Formula 1.

And now Blackburn Rovers joins the stable of notable sporting buyouts.

Well, if you can’t beat them, let’s buy them is a mantra that is easy to follow!

The acquisition of Blackburn Rovers and the sizeable Asian population there leads Venky’s strategic marketing advisors to look for synergies between the historic footballing franchise and the poultry giant.

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Uruguay: Tainted? Yes. Defeated? Yes. Disgraced? No.

What if?

We could debate for hours, days, months, years , perhaps until the next World Cup in Brazil, but there can never be a definite answer to our perambulations, our speculations on what could have been. England fans will berate Sepp Blatter and other FIFA officials for not bowing to demands for the introduction of  Hawk-eye technology: Frank Lampard’s goal would have been allowed and a recharged, rejuvenated England side would surely have thumped Germany into submission. Or so they would have us believe.

Image via Wikipedia

What if Luis Suarez had not succumbed to his heart-felt instincts to prevent the Ghanaian goal, throwing his hands at the ball, to stop it from crossing the goal-line. I wonder if Suarez is a betting man. If so, he surely knew that the odds of saving a penalty kick were much better than expecting a magical tailwind to swerve the Jabulani ball away from the goal line and towards safety. Did that thought cross his mind?

His words describing the incident were something on the lines of Maradona’s Hand Of God. Funny how Maradona gets quoted by all the cheats. Perhaps, they hope that his cheeky greatness will gloss over the heinousness of their folly.

But this article is not going to dwell on the Uruguayan fortune in entering the semis on the back of a piece of impudence by a suave Suarez , a hero to his countrymen , who has been termed – tongue-in-cheek – the best goalkeeper of the tournament. His save on the line was ,arguably, the most significant save of the tournament.

Our hearts and minds went out to that man from Ghana- Gyan – who had till then not missed a single penalty. And in that instant of despair, his stricken face told the story. In that moment , all our hearts cried for Africa, for Ghana, for Gyan. We were one in solidarity with the Ghanaian team. But those are the rules of the game: a handball deserves a penalty and a red card. And that is how it is. To twist a cliché: Abide By The Rules, Die By The Rules.

Outplayed, Outmaneuvered, Outwitted

Germany was outplayed, outmaneuvered and outwitted by a Spanish side that believed that slow is good, slow is nice, and that slow can win. The battle between the two teams was less about attractive football and more a war of attrition, of nerves, and mostly, of patience. The Germans were unable to play the free-flowing, counter-attacking style of football that brought them this far to the semifinals.

The Spaniards on the other hand, stuck to their strengths, backing up their defense with tie-clinching goals at crucial junctures. On the eve of the match, I felt  that if both teams played attacking football, Germany stood a better chance. The Spanish however, were resolute in defense and stuck to their game plan of making their midfield superiority pave the way to victory.

Quote of the day:
"There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool." – L. M. Boyd

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Saina, Video Technology and Ultra Marathons

Playing ball with numbers

Saina Nehwal completed a treble of wins last Sunday at the Indonesian Open. It was her 3rd consecutive tournament triumph ,an unbroken streak of 15 games without a loss. Saina is in the best form of her life and her ranking is now a stratospheric No. 3. The Indonesian Open ,though, lacked serious competition from the Chinese who preferred to compete in their local league. The Chinese are notorious for lying low  before any major tournaments such as the World championship that is scheduled in the near future. They prefer to scout their opponents and exploit any detected weaknesses and in the meanwhile identify , groom and train their  future stars. The Chinese depth in badminton and table-tennis is to be envied and emulated. Will Saina be able to carry her form into the world championship? Will the Chinese spring a surprise package , as they have been known to do before, and unveil a new star on the badminton horizon? Who knows? Only time will tell! But congratulations to Saina and good luck to her! Her star still shines bright in the barren sky of Indian sport.

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Quote of the day:
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. – Al Capone

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A Soccer ThreeSum!

Image by gnews pics via Flickr

Three days into the 2010 World Cup and it’s time to pen a few random thoughts:

1. The vuvuzelas (pronounced vu-vu-ZAY-las) have become synonymous with the South African edition of the soccer World Cup. It’s such a nuisance that the television volume has to be turned down low to be able to enjoy the games.  Am I the only one complaining? The only way to have fun with the vuvus is to join them! (I’ve shortened vuvuzelas to vuvus; just so difficult to wrap my tongue around 4 syllables!)

2. The only teams to have scored two goals or more in their games have been South Korea and Germany. And I was starting to despair that this edition of the World Cup would see a goal drought. It took a team from the Far East to relieve the tedium. And though Germany may be considered boring, dull workhorses, they  rarely shy away from scoring goals!