Formula One

Vijay Mallya ‘un-craps’ Bernie Ecclestone (Humour)

I’m not a Formula One fan. I don’t watch the sport on television. It’s booooring.

I see no point in watching one or two cars lead the rest of the field by a wide margin, where the only exciting part is how long each driver spends at a pit-stop. Pit-stops are a science and an art and the team’s mechanics its heroes. It is a sport where the engines maketh the winner and the only skill  and challenge in the sport is deciding which tires to use in inclement weather.

There is very little overtaking on the track happening and to watch 60-odd laps hoping such an eventuality occurs is an exercise in futility.

Vijay Mallya lit up the Grand Prix-es with his retort to Bernie Ecclestone’s comment that he has a “crappy product to sell“.

“Uncrap it,” responds the man who left his Kingfisher Airlines employees, creditors and shareholders standing in loads of (you know it, here it comes) excrement.

According to Mallya , the poop has to be sustainable.

He said:

“The most important thing is to ensure the sustainability of all teams in Formula One. If that is addressed, as it should be addressed, even the small independent teams can be competitive. If Williams beats Ferrari, it’s exciting. If Force India can beat Mercedes, that is the cherry on the cake!”

Matthew Carter of Lotus complains that to win at shit you have to spend more money.

His exact words:

“To win or get near the podium is pretty much related to how much money you spend. If the technical rules and regulations can be loosened and allow smaller teams to come up with something that isn’t immediately copied by bigger teams, it goes back to the ethos of Formula One. “

Clare Williams of Williams would like to see more people talk positively about stools.

“I watched F1 years ago and thought ‘these cars are amazing, these drivers are fantastic’. And they still are, and we have to remember that. I would like to see more people talking positively about the sport, it’s about pulling together. We should not forget it is an amazing sport. “

Eddie Jordan of the BBC would like fecal matter to be noisy.

“Noise in F1 is something I grew up with and I miss it. I thought noise was an important part of the show and I will always think that. My bigger concern is the engine rule change, particularly the costs. We have to make more heroes in F1 and make the show more appealing globally.”

Mallya additionally wants more positive coverage for feculence.

“Formula One is perhaps the most exciting sport in the world. If Formula One is made sustainable for all participants I think the negativity will be removed.

If the stability of all participants in Formula One is addressed as a matter of priority we will have more exciting racing and we will get a lot more positive media.”

Well, this certainly isn’t it.

PS: Bernie Ecclestone proof-read this piece. His suggestion: Replace ‘Formula One’ with ‘crap’ everywhere.

Michael Schumacher: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

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Formula 1: Indian GP, ‘sporting’ questions and go-karting infrastructure

Formula 1 happened  at last  on October 30, 2011 at the Buddh International Circuit (BIC) in NOIDA.

The event was awe-inspiring, not for the drivers, teams and entourages; more so for Formula 1 wannabes who flocked to grace the momentous occasion.

It made no difference to Sebastian Vettel; it was just another race to be won—which he did.

I, for one, was not too impressed by the hype and the hoopla.

Sure, the Indian GP showcased the triumph of private entrepreneurship and organisation over government ineptitude; there were no bloopers this time around unlike at the 2010 Commonwealth Games.

A couple of stray dogs and goof-ups in last-minute emergency rehearsals could not disguise the fact that given adequate resources and talent, Indian management can rise to the occasion.

Continue reading →

Formula One: Karun Chandhok Regrets That Not All His Fans Can Go-Kart

What he said:

“A kid watching a Karun Chandhok on TV can’t get into his go-kart and drive off.”

Karun Chandhok, just the second Indian Formula One driver after Narain Karthikeyan, admits that Grand Prix racing is an elitist sport.

Chandhok said:

When you come from a country like India, where you are one of the two people out of 1.2 billion, it’s a nice little exclusive club to be a part of.
One of two people out of 1.2 billion. That’s a huge disparity. Especially, when people throng to other sports.

Well, it’s only cricket, isn’t it? I think the main thing is infrastructure.

Chandhok made his F1 debut for Hispania Racing and is currently a test driver with Team Lotus.

On racing being glamorous and attracting WAGS, Chandhok shrugs:

This is a glamorous sport, and we shouldn’t apologise for it because there is nothing wrong in it. It’s a fantastic selling point for the sport. WAGs you even have in cricket; they have Liz Hurley now, I hear.

On the Indian GP in NOIDA, Chandhok says:

I’d love a great Indian crowd here. So far, we have sold about 60,000 tickets already which is great. I hope the teams and drivers enjoy it. They were asking me about Delhi and some of them want to go to Jaipur for a holiday, so I have become some sort of a tourism authority for them.

How did Chandhok get into the sport?

My grandfather used to race in the 50s, my father used to race in the 70s, and in India getting into your family business is normal. I started go-karting when I was just 6 and I started racing when I was 16.

What Chandhok really meant:

“A kid watching Sachin Tendulkar can’t bat like him either but at least he  can try.”

What Chandhok  definitely didn’t:

“You guys can speed race with souped up engines instead—a la ‘The Fast and The Furious’.”

Korean GP: Sebastian Vettel Laps Fastest—One Last Time

What he said:

“It’s probably more to do with the ego because there are no points, so it’s really stupid from my side, but now I’ve got one, I’m happy."

Youngest two-time Formula One champion Sebastian Vettel dedicates the fastest lap of the race at the Korea Grand Prix to his ego.

Vettel won 10 races this season but had just one fastest lap against his name until Korea.

Vettel pulled out all stops on his final circle to secure the fastest lap ignoring suggestions from his Red Bull team to take it easy.

Vettel said:

I think they will kill me now.On the radio they initially said ‘you didn’t get the fastest lap’ which obviously isn’t true. Then they came back on the radio and said ‘idiot, you got it’.

It’s really stupid. I think in other races it doesn’t really make sense, but on the last lap I had a good feeling, and yeah, I was pushing a bit harder to get the fastest lap. It’s a small thing.

What Vettel really meant:

“Smart driving wins championships; fast driving wins laps.”

What Vettel definitely didn’t: