MS Dhoni: What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t

Mahendra Singh Dhoni couldn’t be spicier with his final words as Test captain.

What he said:

“Now, even PETA has said that you can’t cosmetically remove the tail.”

Responding to a scribe’s question, “Their (Australia’s) tail is like Hanuman’s. Yours is like a Doberman’s. That must be hurting your side,” India’s outgoing skipper replied:

“Now, even PETA has said that you can’t cosmetically remove the tail. It has been a big problem for us that we don’t have a genuine allrounder. We have tried to play six batsmen and five bowlers before, but then the tail becomes as long as a cow’s … Hopefully, if we can find an allrounder, the tail problem will be resolved. But the tail problem is really a big problem.”

The man who brought back the World Cup to India remarked thus when asked to compare the two whitewashes of 2011 and 2011-12:

“You die, you die; you don’t see which is a better way to die. You end your Test career, you end your Test career. You don’t see which is a better way to end your Test career.”

What he really meant:

“There’s nothing pleasing about the way the Indian tail disintegrates in the face of aggression. Nothing cosmetic about it for sure.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“The Indian tail proudly announces the formation of a new body, PETT—People for the Ethical Treatment of Tail-enders.”