(This is a work of fiction).
Following a special committee meeting ‘preponed‘ to Thursday, Hockey India chief Narinder Batra briefed the media on the selection of the men’s hockey coach.
“We have decided to select the late Major Dhyan Chand as the coach of the men’s squad until the 2016 Rio Olympics. We do not need foreign coaches. We have an illustrious forebear to look up to. Dhyan Chand is a source of pride and inspiration for all generations and we believe that he is the best we can present the boys under the circumstances. This is also HI’s way of posthumously honoring the man given the Indian government has yet to make him a Bharat Ratna.”
When asked how the players’ skills are to be honed, given that Major Dhyan Chand is not a living personality, Batra replied:
“India has a proud tradition of guru-shishya relationships. Our boys will be modern-day Ekavalyas to Indian hockey’s Dronacharya. Just like Ekavalya proved himself to be a better archer than Arjun despite the master’s absence, our boys will prove themselves on the hockey field and cover themselves in reflected glory. As a mark of respect to Ekavalya who lost his thumb as ‘guru dakshina’, Hockey India will not accept sponsorship from the Coca Cola company, specifically its brand Thums Up, and will also be banning the hand sign as a congratulatory or celebratory gesture.”
It is learnt that life-size statues of the hockey great have been commissioned and will be installed at every practice field in the country. Smaller sized busts of the major will accompany the team on tour.
“This practice is being tried on a trial-only basis for a period of one year. Should the hockey team fail to perform as expected, more life-size statues and busts may be commissioned of other Indian hockey greats or foreign coaches as desired. The cost savings are substantial and will improve Hockey India and Sporting Authority of India’s finances. This will also still mouths in the media that claim that I have an ego problem and am responsible for a ‘revolving door’ when it comes to selecting and firing key support personnel.”
Major Dhyan Chand’s family members declined to comment when contacted.
Disclaimer: All facts and quotes in this story are made up, but you knew that already, didn’t you?
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