humor

Poonam Pandey: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

Poonam Pandey Issues A ‘Siren Call’

What she said:

The world will see that I lived up to my inspiration. Now, I am sure my team will beat England. Our time has come… the Pics r in Series every Match they win in England will release More… but for now its a Inspirational one for them.

Poonam Pandey only half-lives up to her promise of stripping for the men-in-blue (Indian cricket team) posting a Twitpic to “inspire” them to victory in the ODI series against England. The ODI World champions crashed to a humiliating 0-4 defeat to the hosts in the Tests.

What she really meant:

I’m done with all the TV shows accruing from the free publicity I received from the promised no-show and was left twiddling my fingers. Twiddling a bit more led to these tweets and this pic.I’m more famous than Chunky and Manish Pandey now, ain’t I?

What she definitely didn’t:

“If you boys win, I’ll lose (clothes). If you don’t, you’ll find me resplendently Victorian in a burkha.”

Caroline Wozniacki: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

Caroline Wozniacki is no Balboa

What she said:

“I prefer not to knock out anyone.  I’m a nice girl, so…  Or I like to think so.”

Caroline Wozniacki enlightens us that she considers herself to be a ‘nice girl’ and thus would not ever knock anyone out. Perhaps, that explains why she does not have a major to her name yet. Here’s hoping that Wozniacki can prove that nice girls don’t  have to finish last.

What she really meant:

“Nice girls can box too.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Just call me Rosy Balboa from now on.”

Nasser Hussain: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Nasser Hussain Is ‘Asinine’

What he said:

“I do believe that India have a few, three or four, very good fielders and one or two donkeys in the field still.”

Nasser Hussain’s remark comparing Indian fielders to donkeys has drawn flak from the Indian media,ex-cricketers, BCCI administrators and even Bollywood superstar, Amitabh Bachchan.

The Big B tweeted:

“Did not like Nasir Hussain ex cricket Captain of UK, refer to Indian fielders as ‘donkeys’, as he commentated on tour of our team.”

BCCI Vice-President Rajiv Shukla said:

Hussain’s comment was totally uncalled for. One should adopt restraint while making observations about players. Commentators should not make such comments. We will definitely look into it .Every player has to be respected irrespective of his performance. I don’t think this comment was appropriate.

Former teammate Michael Vaughan tweeted his support for Hussain:

“Just seen that Nasser said the Indians have a couple of Donkeys in the field… How wrong can he be!!!! I have seen at least 4….”

Vaughan’s re-stoking the ire of Indian fans’ was met with jibes online.

Sample a couple of his responses to Indian fans:

@vivekramindian Very true… I was useless in the field.. But I would be a superstar at cover point in this Indian team.

@kundankumar21: @VaughanCricket corrctly said.. when england also have a DOG like you on field in recent past…” my dog is very fast…

What Hussain really meant:

“When I say donkeys, I mean laden ones. They’re quite quick otherwise.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I hope the SPCA doesn’t take umbrage.”

Sunil Gavaskar: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Sunil Gavaskar is Seamingly Speculative 

What he said:

“Might be a seam bowler coming in.”

Sunil Gavaskar is conversant with the quirky ways of Indian selectors. The former Indian opener was speculating on who would replace Rohit Sharma in the Indian line-up following his finger injury in the first ODI against England at Durham.

What he really meant:

“RP Singh’s no use. Get another seamer in and quick.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“’Oranges for oranges, apples for apples’: That’s our selectors’ motto.”

Freddie Flintoff: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Freddie Flintoff Has Baggy Issues

What he said:

“I don’t accessorise and I don’t have a man bag.”

Freddie Flintoff claims that he’s not one to go down the metrosexual route, unlike some of his teammates. The former England allrounder was at the fashion shoot of Jacamo. Flintoff is its new face.

Flintoff added:

Rachael bought me a "weekender" bag last year, but it’s the worst present I’ve ever had. Expensive, but wasted on me. I just use a sports bag.

Freddie on his teammates:

It got a bit daft.After a day’s play the hair straighteners, moisturisers and grooming kits were coming out… I’m ’aving none of that.

What he really meant:

“Nice clothes, that’s all I need.And a sports bag.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Now, if I had a girl like Liz Hurley, I’d reconsider.”

Serena Williams: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

“I love McDonald’s, I really do, but I’m not going to be able to eat it.  I always have left overs.  I’m left over queen.”

Serena Williams is quick to point out that, unlike Rafael Nadal, she has something healthier to eat in the wee hours of the morning—should any of her matches end that late.

What she really meant:

“Just to let you guys know ,I don’t overeat. I have leftovers—always.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“After gobbling all those bananas and energy bars on court, I’m still famished?”

Tommy Haas: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"You know, if you count up all the months I’ve missed due to injuries or surgeries that I’ve had, I’m probably 29 years old really."

Tommy Haas is not that old—according to him. The German was responding to the question that he’s perhaps better because of the time he spent off court in his prime.

What he really meant:

“I really think I can do a minor Agassi star turn here.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I can get the mirror to lie to me—daily. Some days, better than others.”

Andrea Petkovic: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

"If I feel like dancing, I dance. If I don’t feel like it, I don’t. I don’t care what other people say about me, so I guess that’s being me."

German Andrea Petkovic can dance but will or will not prance on court—whether you like it or not.

Petkovic said:

“Well, I just try, you know, to    I’m obviously very emotional, and I just try to live my emotions even if it’s negative.  Sometimes it’s positive.  I am I’m very free minded when it comes to this.”

What she really meant:

“Dancing under the New York stars—that’s my prerogative.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Just call me twinkle toes. I’ve no left feet.”

Roger Federer: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“No, I haven’t.  I might read it.  I don’t know.  I haven’t come across it yet.  He hasn’t given me one yet.  (Laughter.) If he doesn’t, I’ll go buy one.  That’s not the issue.  (Laughter.) No, I haven’t had the time yet.  I don’t know if it’s gonna happen soon.”

Roger Federer has not yet read Rafael Nadal’s biography “Rafa: My Story” co-written with John Carlin.

What he really meant:

“I would have if he had said nasty things about me. Then these questions would have been unavoidable.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Why are you asking me a silly question like this? It’s Rafa’s book, not mine.”

Christina Mchale: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

“And, yeah, it feels like you’re on an airplane.”

Christina Mchale compares her experience in a CVAC Pod to being on an aircraft. The pressurised egg has evoked intense curiosity in the press corps after Novak Djokovic attributed (and then denied) his success this year ,partly to  his utilization of the technology that simulates altitude training.

The rest of the conversation:

Q.  The pressurized air?
CHRISTINA McHALE: Uh huh.
Q.  You did it the same place that Novak did it, the same house?
CHRISTINA McHALE:  Yeah.
Q.  How long were you in it?
CHRISTINA McHALE:  I mean, it’s like little sessions.  I don’t even remember, like seven minute sessions.
Q.  When I get off an airplane I feel terrible.
CHRISTINA McHALE:  I didn’t do it enough to be able to give you like an expert opinion on it.  I don’t know.

What she really meant:

“I’ll just fly more often if that works. I have to, anyway.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Now, I wonder if I can get CVAC to serve meals while I’m in there.”