humor

Sachin Tendulkar: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“When in school I found that scoring runs was easier for me than scoring marks.”

Sachin Tendulkar was not a good student but his dedication to cricket met the approval of his parents who told him to focus solely on the game.

What he really meant:

“Cricket was my first love—before academics.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I didn’t have to work hard at the game.”

Kevin Pietersen: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“We realise you guys have got a job to do, and if I give you ammunition you’re going to fire the gun.”

Kevin Pietersen concedes it is the press’ prerogative to criticise if he does not perform as expected. He, however, challenges the perception that he is vulnerable to left-arm spin.

What he really meant:

“The sporting press feeds off the players. If the players achieve, they’re demi-gods, virtually untouchable. If they do not, they’re worse than pariahs, to be torn down.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“You—the press—were firing blanks at me. It didn’t hurt—at all.”

Ricky Ponting: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“If I do, maybe the aura will grow again.”

Ricky Ponting believes that without the additional burden of the Australian captaincy, he could put his indifferent form in the past two years behind him and enjoy a batting renaissance.

What he really meant:

“If I score enough runs and the team wins, I’ll be in everyone’s good books once more.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Did you know that  the word ‘aura’ is contained in ‘Australia’?”

Gary Kirsten: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I want to go to war with this guy.”

Gary Kirsten is so impressed with Mahendra Singh Dhoni that he would not mind charging off to war, as long as he has the Indian skipper by his side. Kirsten feels that he was the “inspiration” to the Indian squad because of his work ethic whereas Dhoni’s “presence” was the calming influence.

What he really meant:

"Mahendra Singh Dhoni is the best person to have beside you,  watching your back in battle.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“We’ve read ‘The Art Of War’ like a zillion times.”

Cricket: Ten reasons why the BCCI opposes DRS (Humour)

Ten reasons why the BCCI steadfastly refuses to utilize the Decision Review System (DRS) in bilateral series involving India:

10) BCCI honchos believe DRS stands for Debatable Review System.

9) Test umpires paid off the BCCI to oppose the system.

8) BCCI members feel left out of the process; if this decision is taken out of their hands, what will board members convene a press conference for?

7) The BCCI have yet to form a committee to weigh pros and cons of the system.

6) DRS research files are with Lalit Modi. It is too embarrassing for the BCCI to request them back now.

5) BCCI officials do not agree with the term "snickometer". It sounds too much like "snickermeter" or "sniggermeter’". A retrospective fallout.

4) The BCCI have not received permission from the defence ministry to import the system.  It is military equipment, after all. The Indian government wishes to build HotSpot indigenously instead.

3) The BCCI would rather wait for FIFA to first approve goal-line technology. Heaven forbid that they be perceived as more progressive than the world’s foremost soccer body.

2) The memo approving the system is pending with Messr Sharad Pawar. The honourable minister desires to table a motion before parliament.

1) "Call us bully-boys, will ya? Let’s behave so."

Quote of the day: The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. – George Bernard Shaw

Ricky Ponting: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"I would have liked to have another old bloke around the group with me, yeah."

Ricky Ponting “pines” for Simon Katich’s company in the Australian side. The former Australian captain and Michael Hussey are the only senior cricketers in the current Test squad. Ponting believes that Katich’s dropping is a warning shot across their bows by Cricket Australia selectors.

What he really meant:

“Hussey and I could do with some company—our age.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“We’re geriatric.”

Stuart Clark: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“"I can categorically say we won’t be paying Chris Gayle one quarter of our salary to come and play."

Sydney Sixers general manager, Stuart Clark, makes it clear that it is unlikely that his side will spend a quarter of a million dollars on the West Indian opener for the Big Bash league. Each side is restricted to a salary cap of one million Australian dollars.

What he really meant:

“We can’t afford free agents like Chris Gayle—not at those prices. Our focus is local.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“We’re discriminating against Chris.”

Bryce McGain: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“’The Australian cricket team is not an AFL, NRL, or rugby team.”

Veteran Australian leg-spinner, Bryce McGain, is aghast at the “blatant ageism” showcased by national selectors in the unceremonious dumping of opening batsman, Simon Katich, from the list of 25 centrally contracted players. He believes that comparisons to rugby or football are odious since it’s not about creating even competition between international sides.

What he really meant:

“It’s about KIS—Keeping It Simple. Just choose the top 25 players in the country.”

What he definitely didn’t:
”The older we get, the stupider others seem.”

Kieron Pollard: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Optimal fitness is not about sporting a six pack.They only look good on TV or the beach.”

Kieron Pollard does not feel the need to build up “mirror muscles” or a six-pack. He is a firm believer that fitness is what you need—it has to be practical, something you can use.

What he really meant:

“Endurance and agility—that’s what cricketers need.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I love Kevin Pietersen’s washboard-like abs.”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Protector of the “endangered” (Satire)

RANCHI—

In breaking news, it is learnt that India’s cricket captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, was approached—jointly—by the West Indian Players Association (WIPA) and the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB) to become the brand ambassador of Caribbean cricket.

The  bodies-at-loggerheads—through Dhoni—seek to drive home the message that West Indian cricket is under threat of slow extinction and needs revival to  promote continuation of a joyous, carefree brand of island cricket.

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