humor

Sepp Blatter: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

“Crisis, what is a crisis?”

Sepp Blatter denies that FIFA is in trouble over corruption allegations in the voting  to stage the 2018 and 2022 World Cups.

What he really meant:

“Do you like my impersonation of an ostrich burying its head in the sand?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m retiring to run an emu farm.”

Shahid Afridi: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"There is nothing bigger than a man’s respect, and the way the board has treated me, there is a limit to everything."

Shahid Afridi announces his conditional retirement from international cricket.

What he really meant:

“Power and respect comes from the barrel of a gun and my retirement’s the smoking gun. At least, I hope.”

Sanjay Manjrekar: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Fans scream ‘Dilscoop’, and I think, ‘Thank god for the helmet’.”

Sanjay Manjrekar makes it clear that cricketers had it harder in his day, without the protection of a helmet.

What he really meant:

“Dilscoop—without protective gear—is akin to suicide.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Ice-cream, anyone?”

Daniela Hantuchova: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

What she said:

“I was really unlucky—I always had to face the Williams sisters."

Daniela Hantuchova feels that she was hard done by the draw in her previous majors.

What she really meant:

“I wasn’t good enough on those days to beat the Williams.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Caroline’s as good or better than the Williams.”

Michael Berrer: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

“I have to work on that, definitely, I need to be tougher. Like in Germany, we have a saying that an injured deer has to fall. So that was what I should have done today.”

Michael Berrer, explaining his less-than-ruthless attitude towards Andy Murray in his third round match at the French Open.

What he really meant:

“Andy’s getting injured should not have stopped me going for the kill.Unfortunately, it did.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’ve seen the movie ‘Ruthless People’ like a zillion times.”

French Open 2011:WTA forms No.1s Anonymous (Satire)

Dinara Safina

PARIS—

The Womens’ Tennis Association (WTA) have sanctioned the forming of a mutual aid society , No. 1s Anonymous (Who Have Never Won A Major), whose primary purpose is to help players stay focused (and No.1) and to help past and present No.1s clinch majors.

The self-help body is co-founded by Caroline Wozniacki, Jelena Jankovic and Dinara Safina.

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Roger Federer: What he meant, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"I don’t have a Grand Slam in my pocket (this year), but if I win one, it changes everything."

Roger Federer, on his chances at the French Open.

What he really meant:

“I have large pockets and I can definitely fit in a major or two—this year.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Majors are loose change jangling in my pockets.”

Harsha Bhogle: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

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What he said:

“They are trying to be half-hour players; but for that, you’ll need to first be a good four-day player!”

Harsha Bhogle believes that T20 players have to be good at the longer formats first.

What he really meant:

“Longer version players can always adapt to the shorter version of the game. Vice-versa not quite!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Half-an-hour of T20 and IPL will keep the selectors at bay.”

Chris McKendry:What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he definitely didn’t:

“I can play better than Victoria.”

Bethanie Mattek-Sands: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

"You see two girls, blonde hair, wearing the exact same thing head to toe. If I can’t tell them apart, no way a fan’s going to tell them apart. It just brings, you know, something unique to the game."

Bethanie-Mattek-Sands, making a case for her unique on-court look.

What she really meant:

“If socks right to the knees help fans differentiate between me and other players, then, hell, yes, I’m going to wear some.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Next year, it’s stockings, one for the left leg, none for the other.”