satire

Anjum Chopra appointed coach of Indian T20 team (Satire)

Taking a cue from the English Cricket Board (ECB), the Board For Cricket Control in India (BCCI) appointed Anjum Chopra coach of the Indian T20 men’s team.

“The English have been very innovative lately. They stole a march on us by appointing three different captains. We had to do something.This is how we regain the initiative.” said Mr. Ratnakar Shetty, BCCI head of operations.

“It also makes for good PR to have a woman coach at the highest level.” added Mr. Shashank Manohar, BCCI President.

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What he said, meant and definitely didn’t: Shivnarine Chanderpaul

What he said:

“Been called into meetings everyday, or every other day, spending hours answering questions. You never leave a meeting until they get whatever answer they want. That is what I’ve been going through. When you batting there are messages coming to you telling you how to bat, it happens until you get out, you know.”

Shivnarine Chanderpaul on how he was forced to play for the past year by the current West Indian management.

What he meant:

“Don’t disturb me, I’m batting. Let me focus.I’ve been doing this for 17 years. How many years have you put in?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m a multi-tasker. I love being on call in the middle.”

“OK, you asked me to dance. I did. Now you want me to sing? No, what, a switch hit, is it?”

“Telling me what to do out in the middle? Isn’t that what got Aamir and his pals into trouble? It’s OK if it’s the WICB?”

What he said, meant and definitely didn’t: Devendra Bishoo

What he said:

“The way I look at it, there are no holidays in cricket. I never stop training … rain or shine, I’m playing cricket.”

Devendra Bishoo, the West Indian leggie of South Asian origin talks about his passion for the game.

What he meant:

“Hell, man, I’ve got nothing better to do. You want to bat out a few overs? I’ll bowl.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,Holiday, Holiday! Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Holiday, Holiday!”

ICC adopts a ‘short’ rule for men’s cricket (Satire)

The International Cricket Council (ICC) has ruled that from July 2011 onwards, all men players are to wear sleeveless Tees and shorts while representing their sides on the cricket field.

The rules apply across the board and are applicable for international as well as domestic games.

It is the ICC’s desire to make the sport ‘more attractive and presentable’ to the Rest of The World.

What he said, meant, and definitely didn’t: Ian Chappell

What he said:

“So the message is clear to cricketers: enjoy the high wages for short games because soon “value for money” will become the owners’ catch-cry.”

Ian Chappell , writing on how IPL owners will soon seek value for their dollars from players.

What he meant:

“The IPL is a business and it makes no sense for owners to pay players wages they can’t afford and that might lead them to bankruptcy.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Current players shouldn’t care; that’s for NexGen to worry about.Take your money and run.”

What he said, meant, and definitely didn’t: Yuvraj Singh

What he said:

“Now we are in such a situation where another loss would mean that we are out of the competition. Not a great feeling.”

Yuvraj Singh fancying Pune Warriors India’s chances on the eve of their big game against Mumbai Indians.

What he meant:

“It’s make-or-break for Pune Warriors. God help us.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’ll be a wonderful opportunity for me to take a break from some cricket after the trials and tribulations of the World Cup. Dada’s here and he can come up with some Dadagiri.”

Salman Khan ‘Dabangg’ refused offer from Pune Warriors: Saurav Ganguly benefits (Satire)

MUMBAI—

Salman Khan was offered a spot with Pune Warriors as a replacement for Ashish Nehra.

The ‘Dabangg’ star was asked by Sahara Group’s director of communications, Mr. Abhijit Sarkar, to play for the struggling IPL side.

The overture was made prior to the subsequent signing of Saurav Ganguly.

“Salman was quite enthused about the idea of turning out for an IPL side and was set to don grey flannels. We gave him an additional sweetener by allowing Zarine Khan to be one of the Cheer Queens.”

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Why Saurav Ganguly signed up with the Pune Warriors (Satire)

KOLKATTA—

Sourav Ganguly, in an exclusive interview to MakeTimeForSports, revealed the reason why he decided to accept an offer from Pune Warriors for this year’s IPL.

“I had completely given up hope of playing for Kolkatta Knight Riders  or any other franchise in this IPL. That mealy-mouthed SRK is not my favourite actor anymore.” said the former India captain.

“I was looking for the right franchise to turn to. Kochi Tuskers was on my radar. But the final decision was made by my wife,Dona.” disclosed the ODI legend.

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What he said, meant and definitely didn’t : David Lloyd

What he said:

“England’s first series since the Ashes euphoria of four months ago may feel more like a ‘come as you are’ street party than a suited-and-booted city pageant.”

David Lloyd aka Bumble on the up-coming tour of England by Sri Lanka.

What he meant:

“The Lankans will hardly have any time to slip out of their IPL pyjamas for the Tests.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Why not play the Tests in pyjamas? And at night? Lalit Modi’s here, let’s ask him to help out.”

E-book readers kill book cricket (Satire)

MUMBAI.

Exponents of ‘book cricket’ are concerned about the future of the game.

The advent of e-books and e-readers threatens to make the game obsolete in schools and colleges all over the country.

“Once e-books and e-readers become prevalent, ‘book cricket’ as a sport will die out.” says Mr. Raddiwallah, an avid book-cricketer.