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Q & A with Virat Kohli (Humour)

English: suresh raina (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MakeTimeForSports makes an attempt to get India Test skipper Virat Kohli to clarify his stand on MS Dhoni’s leadership.

1) How are you today? Are you able to express yourself freely?

Yes, without a doubt. I wouldn’t be talking to you otherwise.

2) Suresh Raina and Ravichandran Ashwin have come out in support of your predecessor and current ODI skipper MS Dhoni. What are your views on their remarks?

It’s not disrespectful to be willing to die for your skipper but the skipper is just a representative of the team and you should be willing to die for all your teammates. That’s the essence of team spirit. The spirit of Dhoni will linger on in the dressing room long after he’s gone and,  in Ashwin’s case, on the field as well. Besides, this is probably the best and last chance for Raina and Ashwin to be dubbed Sir Suresh and Sir Ravichandran by his Royal Highness Maharaja Mahendra Singh Dhoni the First—or so a tweeting bird informs me!

3) Dhoni’s coach Chanchal Bhattacharjee and yours’ Raj Kumar Sharma have commented on India’s abysmal showing in the ODI series with Sharma terming the 2nd loss the ‘Black Sunday of Indian cricket’. Your thoughts?

Look on the other side. It was a Bright Sunday for Bangladesh. You win some, you lose some and make some remarks about the team not being able to express itself freely. Sunny side up, my man, sunny side up.

English: virat kohli (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mahendra Singh Dhoni at Adelaide Oval (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4) What do you think should the Indian team do to be able to express themselves more freely and with more clarity?

For a start, they should grow beards like mine and curse and glare when they are adjudged out. They should also consider dating film-stars and models. I’m sure Anushka can introduce them to some of her single colleagues.

5) Would you have considered stepping down if it had been you in the driver’s seat and not Dhoni yet the same outcome?

Huh! The possibility never crossed my mind.

Disclaimer: The character(s) are real but the interview is fictional.

Q & A with Mahendra Singh Dhoni (Humour)

Mahendra Singh Dhoni bowlingat Adelaide Oval (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MakeTimeForSports had the privilege of chatting with legendary India skipper MS Dhoni before the third ODI in Mirpur against Bangladesh.

1) It’s a do-or-die game for you against the Bengal Tigers. You’ve already lost the series, right?

Yes, it’s certainly do-or-dye. I’ve ordered cartons of Bigen hair color for the entire team. Ashwin will color his on the field itself should we suffer another loss.

2) It’s the No.4 slot for you again?

Got to score some runs as a batsman, right? Can’t let Kohli and Shastri have their way, can I? At least, it won’t be that easy to ease me out if I score some. More runs in the kitty, more games to play—no pun intended. Besides, if I play Rahane, Kohli would bat at No.4. In a way, I’m taking his place!

3) What are you not in line for next?

Quite a few things actually. Sports management, commentating and cricket administration.

4) Did you see the above question coming?

But, of course.

5) Will Indian cricket start doing really well if you quit now?

Well… for the next two years, at least. Remember we always play well at home on subcontinental wickets. So yes, but then they’d do well with me at the helm too.

Disclaimer: The character(s) are real but the interview is fictional.

Thomas Cook and Cox & Kings woo Lalit Modi (Satire)

Lalit Modi is making waves not just in the political sphere but also in the travel sphere.

Unconfirmed reports reveal that travel companies Thomas Cook and Cox and King are vying to enlist the former cricket czar as their brand ambassador.

An anonymous source within Thomas Cook confirmed the news.

“Mr. Lalit Modi would be a wonderful emissary for the travel industry and Thomas Cook, in particular. Extensive reportage of his sojourns in the Indian media over the past few days has witnessed an increased interest in packages for exotic locations such as Havana, Cuba, Montenegro, Madrid,Jamaica,Zimbabwe,Pattaya,Seychelles, Serengeti,Venice,Istanbul, Doha, Qatar, Positano, La Coruna, Ibiza, Spain and last, but not least, Portugal. We expect the demand for these destinations to grow exponentially should Mr. Modi agree to our terms. Who are we kidding? Mr. Modi can name his price.”

Cox and Kings representatives expressed similar sentiments.

Meanwhile, ICC chieftain, N Srinivasan, was horrified that his former ally and current foe was visiting countries and places  on the fringes of international cricket.

It is learnt that the former BCCI chief is investigating the possibility that Mr. Modi is a front-man for Dr. Subhash Chandra, chairman of the Essel group. The Essel conglomerate is in the news for registering subsidiaries in Australia and New Zealand in an attempt to overthrow the existing cricketing establishment and form a breakaway body that would lure top cricketers into their fold.

“Is Mr. Modi purveying Mr. Chandra’s agenda while purportedly holidaying at these outposts?”

wondered Mr. Srinivasan in a hastily deleted tweet.

“I can visualize the sales pitch—A truly international T20 competition, come with your WAGS. Come one, come all. Beach cricket now not just a dream.”

English: Indian director and scriptwriter Zoya Akhtar (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Meanwhile, in an interview with a leading daily, Ms. Zoya Akhtar thanked Mr. Modi for inspiring the choice of locations for her next film.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. (Some facts and all “quotes” in this article are fabricated but you knew that already, didn’t you?)

LaMo ends ‘acche din’ of NaMo sarkar

English: Image of Narendra Modi at the World Economic Forum in India (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First, it was Sushma Swaraj.

Next, Vasundhara Raje.

The saga of Lalit Modi—which tars politicians of every feather who are  connected or who communed with him—continues.

Meanwhile, the former cricket administrator gallivants the partying world enjoying the immunity granted him by his erstwhile familial and political allies.

The Congress and its allies have promised to disrupt parliamentary proceedings seeking removal of the BJP matriarchs.

Narendra Modi and his cohorts came to power on the back of NaMo’s version of “It’s the economy, stupid” promising “acche din” and good governance.

While the NDA government enjoys a majority in the Lok Sabha, it is not so in the Rajya Sabha. The Congress and its allies rule the roost there throwing a spanner in the works of any new bills forcing the Prime Minister to promulgate ordinances instead.

Narendra Modi would be well advised to give his constituents what they deserve and let the cards fall as they may. The Gujarat strongman is not to shirk from doing what’s right. Swaraj and Raje should be asked to resign.

The previous government had one of the worst records on parliamentary business conducted. A similar  fate should not befall this one.

All appearances of impropriety should be investigated and guilty parties penalized.

Narendra Modi should preside over “acche din” and not merely be the “King of Good Times“.

हिन्दी: भारतीय राजनीतिज्ञ सुषमा स्वराज (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Neymar are rapped for being ‘bad boys’

Mahendra Singh Dhoni at Adelaide Oval (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Two captains hit the headlines for being participants in fractious misdemeanors on the field.

Both have been punished for their transgressions.

The Indian ODI and T20 skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni collided with Bangladeshi fast bowler Mustafizur Rahman  during the first one-day in Mirpur. Dhoni was docked 75% of his match fee and Mustafizur 50% of his.

At the Copa America in a crucial group encounter against Colombia, Brazilian star forward Neymar laid into his nemesis Camilo Zuniga for being physical with him.

Neymar shouted:

“Camilo! Camilo! Thanks a lot! Bet you’ll call me after to say sorry. Son of a b****.”

Zuniga was the man who knocked the Selecao skipper out of the 2014 World Cup with an ill-advised tackle that could have crippled Neymar prematurely ending his soccer career.

Brazil succumbed 0-1 in an ill-tempered game and Neymar vented his frustration by aiming a headbutt at at goal-scorer Jeison Murillo when the match ended.

Neymar has been provisionally suspended and received a red card for his trouble.

Violence and bad behavior have always been a part of sport. More so, professional sport.

No one likes losing. And particularly so no one likes losing after giving what they believe to be their best. Let none   tell you otherwise.

More so when it is what they do for a living.

And the perceived injustice is worse when the gladiators feel that they are not in control.

That certainly seems to be case with Neymar with the star forward lashing out at the standard of refereeing in the ballgame.

Neymar said:

“They have to use the rules against me. The ball hit me on the hand without any intention and I got a yellow. That’s what happens when you have a weak referee. I only lose my rag when officials don’t do their jobs. There was a melee, but he didn’t need to send everyone off.”

MS Dhoni, on the other hand, is the epitome of cool. He is said to have nerves of steel.

That the Indian skipper was party to an unsavory incident where he appears to be the aggressor is strange indeed.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Mustafizur Rahman were found guilty under Article 2.2.4 of the ICC Code of Conduct, which penalizes “inappropriate and deliberate physical contact between players in the course of play during an international match“.

Match referee Andy Pycroft said:

“In the hearing, Dhoni defended the charge on the basis that the bowler was on the wrong line and realising that he couldn’t avoid the collision, he used his hand and arm to push him away as he went through to ‘minimise the impact. However, my assessment was that Dhoni deliberately pushed and shouldered Mustafizur, which was inappropriate.

Even if there was a narrow gap between the runner [Raina] and the bowler, an experienced Dhoni should have tried to avoid the collision as cricket is a non-contact sport and the players are expected to avoid physical contact at all times. On this basis, I fined Dhoni 75% of his match fee”.

Dhoni’s experience was a crucial factor in the adverse decision. His adversary, on the other hand, was making his debut.

Dhoni said:

“The bowler (Mustafizur) thought I would move away while I thought he would. But as none of us did, we collided. This can happen in any match. It’s nothing big. I spoke to him later.”

The Indian skipper’s explanation is specious.

Some sections of the media believe that Virat Kohli should be handed over the reins in all formats of the game. Mohinder Amarnath, in particular, believes that Kohli brings a refreshing approach to the game and it is time a young Indian side are led by one of their own.

Is the pressure telling on the man from Jharkhand?

Or is this a mere aberration?

Time, and results, will tell.

Van Ass brings total football to Indian hockey

Indian hockey has a new coach, Paul Van Ass, and his first real big test comes when the men in blue participate in the Hockey World League semifinals beginning June 20 in Belgium.

The Dutch manager has decided to try out a brand new strategy dubbed ‘Total Hockey‘.

Van Ass said:

“We are working on the new set up of 10 players going on the attack and all 10 coming back to defend. We have been practising the style for some time, but we will come to know about the outcome when we start playing.”

The concept is not novel.

In this year AFC Ajax won their 4th UEFA Champions League title (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was first introduced by Dutch soccer club team Ajax Amsterdam in the mid-sixties.

It was refined further and used by the national side at the 1974 World Cup.

The Football Bible website describes the strategy thus:

“Total football’s main strategy is to possess the ball as much as possible. Players position themselves far from each other and pass the ball around. While the ball is being distributed, some players move around to get into good scoring position.     

There are three main objectives in a total football defense: keep the ball away from the goal, intercept passes, and mark deadly strikers. Total footballers work as a unit in defense. They narrow down passing lanes and work together aggressively retrieve the ball as soon as possible.”

Total football was a response to tight man-marking employed by Italian teams. They termed it “catenaccio calcio” which literally translates to mean “door bolt football”.

The Football Bible adds:

“Coach Rinus Michels of Ajax defeated it by making his players move to different positions. This soccer strategy created a dilemma for the man-markers.

If they chased their man, they would find themselves in the wrong position when it is their team’s turn to attack. If they let their man go, they are risking the chance of leaving an attacker open.

Rinus trained his players so they can easily adapt to any position. Opponents who were not as well-adapted as the Dutch total football players found it difficult to keep up.”

Total Football, however, was not invented by Michels. It was an Englishman named Jimmy Hogan who laid its foundation in 1910. Its basic tenets were player stamina and ball passing.

Johann Cryuff, the fulcrum of Michels’ strategy, introduced a variant of Total Football as a manager with Barcelona.

It goes under the name “tiki-taka”. It is this very style that took Barcelona and Spain to the pinnacle of European and World soccer.

Can Total Hockey work for Team India?

It depends.

Indian players have the dribbling skills to implement the strategy. It can also help defeat heavy man-marking of the forwards.

Do Indians have the stamina to fall back on the counter-attack? The forwards have traditionally been too laid back to rush back and defend. Can they overcome this inherent trait? Does the team, as a whole, have the stamina and versatility, especially in defense,  to make this strategy successful?

Brazil, arguably the team with the best footballing skills, have never resorted to Total Football.

Can India, hockey’s Brazil, make it work?

We shall see. And we shall certainly cheer.

Is Lalit Modi Sushma Swaraj’s Achilles heel?

Lalit Modi is in the news once more.

Indian cricket administration’s enfant terrible has snagged yet another victim.

This time, it’s External Affairs minister Sushma Swaraj.

 Sushma Swaraj 

Swaraj finds herself embroiled in a conflict of interest.

The minister championed Lalit Modi’s cause requesting the British government to let Modi to travel to Portugal to visit his ailing wife citing ‘humanitarian‘ grounds.

Whether the minister was in the right is debatable. But she was clearly in the wrong in acting for Modi because her daughter is on Lalit Modi’s legal defense team. So is her husband (Swaraj’s son-in-law).

Shashi Tharoor 

The last time, the UPA was in power, Shashi Tharoor—coincidentally Minister of State for External Affairs—had to resign his seat because of similar conflict of interest allegations. His then wife (now deceased) Sunanda Pushkar was an interested party in the forming of the Kochi Tuskers (now defunct) franchise.

What is it about Indian politicians and conflict of interest situations?

Is it time our politicians were made to undergo an induction training session where a conflict of interest situation is made clear to them?

Are these high-profile names merely the tip of the iceberg and simply anything goes in Indian politics where non-transparency is the norm?

It will be interesting to see how Prime Minister Narendra Modi handles the first real blemish on his government’s record. Will the NDA emulate the UPA and ask Sushma Swaraj to resign? Or will it be simply a case of ‘I dare you to prove otherwise.‘?

Virat Kohli’s ‘six batsmen, five bowlers’ theory nice, dicey in practice

English: virat kohli (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Virat Kohli is avowedly a proponent of the “six batsmen, five bowlers” theory in Test cricket.

The dynamic India Test skipper believes that it is the only way to win games and be aggressive.

In theory, it is a wonderful ploy. Six batsmen should be able to get the team the desired runs on the scoreboard. Five specialist bowlers ought to be able to bowl out the opposition and restrict them if required. This would also decrease the load on the fast bowlers, especially the Indian ones who seem to lack the legs to come charging in at the end of the day when the new ball is available. Bowling 18 overs in a day is somewhat more palatable.

Kohli says:

“I would want someone like R Ashwin, who is averaging 40 with the bat in Test matches – you really can’t ask for more from an allrounder – and someone like Harbhajan Singh to step up with the bat, and [Wriddhiman] Saha too. If those three start clicking, you literally have eight batsmen, and you can’t really ask for more as a captain. It’s basically up to the first six to take more responsibility and we are confident of doing that.”

The above statement requires further analysis.

The stratagem, as stated, will execute just fine on sub-continental wickets. It is when India tours England, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa that the shortcomings become evident.

The team need batsmen who can exhibit patience, fortitude and technique abroad to counter the fast bowling threat. The nucleus of the side, thus, has to remain unchanged. I am not a fan of the ‘horses-for-courses‘ method of selecting the side.

Quicker, bouncier wickets would need Team India to play three or four pacers. Are any of these in the all-rounder mold? Except for Bhuvaneshwar Kumar and Irfan Pathan (perennially injured), none of the current lot inspire confidence.

Gone are the days when the likes of Madan Lal, Roger Binny and Manoj Prabhakar could be counted on to contribute 20-30 runs with the bat and two to three wickets with the ball.

Fast bowling all-rounders, as a breed, are almost extinct on the Indian cricketing scene while batsmen-wicketkeepers flourish aplenty.

Perhaps, the new Ranji regime where games are played on grassy pitches with steeper bounce will revive the species.

Perhaps.

Extra marks for sports in Maharashtra schools not the best idea ever

Maharashtra State Board of Secondary and Higher Secondary Education (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Maharashtra State Board of Secondary and Higher Secondary Education (MSBSHSE) has decided to re-introduce allocation of extra marks for students who take part in sports. Additional marks range from 15 to 25 depending upon the level of participation.

The proposed resolution, which comes into effect in the year 2016, will benefit students irrespective of the status of their results.

Prima facie, the move appears progressive. However, it has certain drawbacks—the least of which is that students may score more than 100 percent.

When I was schooling , there existed no such system. Sports persons would, however, enjoy a lower cut-off for admissions to colleges that supported sporting activities. This was left to each college to decide whether they wished to admit lower-scoring ‘active‘ students. There may be something in reverting back to this system.

The proposed regime where students are rewarded for their sporting activities may have them pursuing physical activities for the extra reward they engender while ignoring the recreational aspects derived from them. Competition for sporting events would increase and not because there exist outstanding athletes among the students.

Sport could become study—another chore, another subject.

Pupils ought to be encouraged to both study and play. One should counterbalance the other.

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All play and no work makes Jill a dull girl.”

At the macro level, physical exercise and fitness should become an integral part of each citizen’s life and routine. The ethos of sports  should pervade the very fabric of this nation and all its states.

Physical well-being and mental well-being are two sides of the same coin.

Go play!

Why should sportspersons be held to a higher standard?

It was 1988. It was the Summer Olympics in Seoul. Johnson had set the 100 meters world record of 9.83 seconds the previous year. Johnson, however, had injury problems coming into the Games. A hamstring injury had plagued him the whole season.

Johnson won. He also set a new world record: 9.79 seconds.

And then it ended almost as soon as it began.

The man was a cheat.

Johnson’s blood and urine samples were found to contain stanozolol.

The last citadel had been breached.

The Olympics , when it first begun, was celebrated as a coming together of amateur athletes under the Olympic motto “Citius, Altius, Fortius” which is Latin for “Faster,Higher, Stronger.”

Amateurism made way for professionalism beginning gradually in the 1970s.

Sport was no longer clean or for fun. It was competition–cutthroat competition.

Every millisecond, every millimeter counted.

1988 also saw the International Olympic Committee (IOC) declaring all professional athletes eligible for the Olympics, subject to the approval of the international federations in charge of each sport.

Only soccer and baseball disallow pros at the Olympics.

Thus began the age of disillusion.

If Johnson could cheat, then how many others?

Reports of systematic doping in East European countries did nothing to counteract such perceptions.

More recently, Lance Armstrong was stripped of his seven Tour De France titles.

Armstrong, a cancer survivor, indulged in blood doping throughout his career.

In an interview with the Telegraph, Armstrong says:

“I’m that guy everybody wants to pretend never lived. But it happened, everything happened. We know what happened. Now it’s swung so far the other way… who’s that character in Harry Potter they can’t talk about? Voldemort? It’s like that on every level. If you watch the Tour on American TV, if you read about it, it’s as if you can’t mention him.”

The Texan is riling his opponents once more by participating in the One Day Ahead ride, cycling part of the Tour de France route. The ride raises money to fight leukemia.

It is time we admit that we cannot hold our sporting heroes to a higher standard. They engage in a profession where every bit done can make a difference between winning and losing, between being the face of a shoe brand or simply being an also-ran.

Our modern-day heroes have feet of clay. We should learn to expect that they will disappoint us someday. They cannot be placed on a pedestal.

“But wait,”, you say, “these are the very personas my kids look up to.”

Yes, but isn’t that a reflection of the society and times we live in?

Children look up to actors and rock stars too. Are they held to a higher standard?

Then why sports persons?

Shouldn’t we teach our kids to look for heroes elsewhere? Real-life heroes.