cricket

What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Shane Watson

What he said:

“He’s gone from eating baked beans, margarita pizzas and cheese sandwiches to broadening his horizons a little bit."

Shane Watson jokes about Shane Warne’s eating habits.

What he really meant:

“Warnie’s a healthy eater now.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Broadening his horizons sure narrowed him down—at the waist.”

What he said, meant and definitely didn’t: Jacques Kallis

What he said:

“Using the D/L method to decide the result of a game is like playing golf with a yellow ball. It’s not the real thing and it feels cheap, but you do it if you have to. It’s better than not playing golf at all — but only just!”

Jacques Kallis expressing  his views on the Ducksworth-Lewis method used for T20 cricket.

What he really meant:

“Playing golf with a yellow ball is OK but only if all you want to do is play the game, somehow.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Cricket should be played with a golf ball.”

What he said,really meant and definitely didn’t: Shane Warne

What he said:

“It is like the past, you can’t change what happened in the past. If I thought about what happened in my past I could be in a straightjacket and padded cell somewhere.”

Shane Warne on his attitude coaching the Rajasthan Royals , focusing on what he has rather than what he hasn’t.

What he really meant:

“You can only do things with what you have, not with stuff you don’t. You don’t have that stuff anyway, why worry about it? You could go nuts.”

“The past is writ in stone; today’s the clay for tomorrow’s masterpiece.”

“Simply put, do make do!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I deserve to be in a straightjacket and padded cell.”

“It’s just not spinning balls I’m good at, yarns too! Yeah, I’m no Mahatma, though!”

What he said, meant and definitely didn’t: Devendra Bishoo

What he said:

“The way I look at it, there are no holidays in cricket. I never stop training … rain or shine, I’m playing cricket.”

Devendra Bishoo, the West Indian leggie of South Asian origin talks about his passion for the game.

What he meant:

“Hell, man, I’ve got nothing better to do. You want to bat out a few overs? I’ll bowl.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,Holiday, Holiday! Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Holiday, Holiday!”

What he said, meant, and definitely didn’t: Yuvraj Singh

What he said:

“Now we are in such a situation where another loss would mean that we are out of the competition. Not a great feeling.”

Yuvraj Singh fancying Pune Warriors India’s chances on the eve of their big game against Mumbai Indians.

What he meant:

“It’s make-or-break for Pune Warriors. God help us.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’ll be a wonderful opportunity for me to take a break from some cricket after the trials and tribulations of the World Cup. Dada’s here and he can come up with some Dadagiri.”

What he said, meant and definitely didn’t: Gary Player

What he said:

“The way you hit the ball, you’re wasting your time playing cricket.”

South African golfing great, Gary Player, to Ricky Ponting on watching him golf.

What he meant:

“You can drive even better on the golf course.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Cricket’s for cows.”

“You’re the next Tiger Woods.”

E-book readers kill book cricket (Satire)

MUMBAI.

Exponents of ‘book cricket’ are concerned about the future of the game.

The advent of e-books and e-readers threatens to make the game obsolete in schools and colleges all over the country.

“Once e-books and e-readers become prevalent, ‘book cricket’ as a sport will die out.” says Mr. Raddiwallah, an avid book-cricketer.

Ramakant Achrekar to coach Liz Hurley’s son, Damian (Satire)

In an exciting new discovery, Ramakant Achrekar has pronounced Liz Hurley’s son, Damian to be the next Sachin Tendulkar.

Ramakant Achrekar was Sachin Tendulkar’s  childhood mentor.

Achrekar said, “I have not seen such talent in a young lad since Sachin.”

Liz Hurley is thrilled and credits current boyfriend, Shane Warne, for shaping her young son’s destiny.

Continue reading →

What they said, meant and definitely didn’t: A B De Villiers

What he said:

“I really can’t pin-point anything that we are doing wrong except for bad fielding, bad bowling and bad batting.”

A.B. De Villiers on the problems with the Royal Challengers Bangalore team.

What he meant:

“We’re not playing cricket, really!”

What he definitely didn’t:“It was a team dare. Can we play worse than the television experts comment? I guess, we did.”

Indian teams for lagori,kho-kho,gilli-danda etc. cleared for Pakistan tours (Satire)

Gilani and Manmohan Singh will be in attendance at all the games

In the wake of the Indian government’s decision to resume cricketing ties with Pakistan, the sports ministry has decided to go ahead and clear a slew of sporting tours between the two nations over the next few months.

Despite the removal of any barrier to bilateral series between the two neighbours, the cricketing calendar does not have any slots free until 2012.

Continue reading →