indian cricketers

Sunil Gavaskar: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Somebody should tell them nobody from Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool has come to scout talent here.”

Sunil Gavaskar is not quite thrilled about Indian cricketers getting injured playing soccer rather than in the nets or on the field.

What he really meant:

“It’s the IPL, for Christ’s sake, not the EPL.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“They’re cricketers, they should just focus on cricket. In my heyday, I played tennis, badminton, TT and hockey with a cricket bat.”

Daryl Harper: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“It’s about as common as Indians eating beef burgers."

Australian umpire, Daryl Harper, takes a huge swipe at Indian cricketers— simultaneously defending his track record, following the criticism directed at him  by the Indian captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni. In a series of caustic remarks—interpreted by some as having racist overtones— that included “I should never have applied the laws of cricket to Indian players.", the Australian let fly letting Indians know how he felt about their accusations. Harper says that the ICC  proved that 94% of his decisions were right and that his mistakes were as rare as Indians eating beef.

What he really meant:

“That’s how strongly I feel. So there!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m a vegetarian.”

“McDonald’s have offered me a job—in India.”

BCCI’s precautions against unsavoury characters for WI and England tours (Satire)

Following reports in the media of unsavoury characters loitering and hanging around Indian cricketers in South Africa at IPL2, the BCCI has decided to take precautionary measures against a repetition of such incidents on the forthcoming West Indies and England tours.

Upon receiving a list of shady personas from the CBI, the BCCI has begun interviewing ‘candidates’.

The administrative cricketing body believes that if there are to be any ‘crooked’ folks surrounding the Indian players, they should come pre-approved by the BCCI.

Muralidharan substantiates Hashan Tillekaratne’s allegations of match-fixing (Satire)

Muttiah Muralidharan admitted that there exists more than a modicum of ‘truth’ in Hashan Tillekaratne’s allegations of match-fixing in Sri Lanka.

The legendary off-spinner stated that he ,too ,indulged in match-fixing.

“My wife and I were fixed up. It was an arranged match and I don’t see anything wrong with it. It is a Indo-Sri Lanka collaboration that has worked to our mutual benefit.” said the Tamil , with a toothy grin.

WAGS, doctors and nurses protest the display of emotion by men in blue (Satire)

That the Indian team was given a replica instead of the Real trophy was good enough reason to cobble together a band of experts for an hour-long discussion on the Times Of India news channel—at prime time.

It didn’t matter that the replica was a genuine one, albeit usually unveiled for promotional purposes.

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CWC 2011:Thoughts before the World Cup semi-finals

A few random thoughts before the World Cup semi-finals:

The high octane clash between the two South East Asian neighbours—India and Pakistan—is the most eagerly awaited game of this tournament.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Gary Kirsten managed to keep a lid on the pressure of expectations and beat Australia with a sangfroid not expected from usually jittery Indian sides. It will be nothing short of a minor miracle if they can continue in the same vein at Mohali especially in front of Messrs Dr. Manmohan Singh and Yousuf Raza Gilani.

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BCCI takes nutritional issue with MS Dhoni (Humour)

It has been learnt, from undisclosed (unreliable) sources, that the meeting the selectors (namely Krishnamachari Srikkanth) and a BCCI official had with Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Gary Kirsten last week was not about team selection (as widely reported in the press) but about nutritional matters.

The BCCI is worried that about the type of endorsements Indian cricketers have taken on  and the non-salutary effect it has had on their diet and hence their on-field performance.

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Bolshoi The Boxer forms the Indian Doggy League (IDL) (Satire)

My dog, Bolshoi The Boxer, said to me this morning: “Botox and I are going to form our own super sports league.”

“Hmm…. That’s interesting.” I reply, sipping my ante meridiem cuppa tea.

“If the Indian cricketers can have the ICL and IPL, the hockey players, the IHL and the tennis players, the ITL, then us canines should have a league of our own.”