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BCCI takes nutritional issue with MS Dhoni (Humour)


It has been learnt, from undisclosed (unreliable) sources, that the meeting the selectors (namely Krishnamachari Srikkanth) and a BCCI official had with Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Gary Kirsten last week was not about team selection (as widely reported in the press) but about nutritional matters.

The BCCI is worried that about the type of endorsements Indian cricketers have taken on  and the non-salutary effect it has had on their diet and hence their on-field performance.

 The BCCI is especially cut-up with the Indian skipper for endorsing Pepsi soft drinks and Lays chips; these are categorised as unhealthy foods and beverages and are believed to have contributed to the team members’ bulging middles and bottoms (besides bottom-lines).

The National Egg Co-ordination Committee advert is one of the few wholesome food commercials starring Indian players. This features the maestro and bowling captain Zaheer Khan—amongst current India players.

ITC’s SunFeast Sachin’s Fit Kit range of biscuits is the other product that has passed the BCCI’s vigilant eyes. The BCCI has sought to have the multi-grain biscuits on every drinks trolley in the World Cup and IPL

The BCCI has discovered that the only endorsement Sachin Tendulkar and Mahendra Singh Dhoni have in common is Boost.

Sachin Tendulkar has made his excuses comparing himself to a well-oiled machine; the reason that he endorses Castrol lubricants.

Chief selector,Srikkanth, has expressed his anguish,shock and displeasure on learning that the Indian players seem to have no clue about the detrimental effect a diet of Lays and Pepsi has on their usually well-tuned bodies.

Team India’s mental conditioning coach,Paddy Upton, was consulted to determine if the commercials the cricketers have been shooting has affected their mental equilibrium. Subliminal and overt messages could have played a role. The pressure from sponsors to have their products handy has contributed to the malaise.

Former Indian captain,Kapil Dev, is livid.

He says: “In our time, I endorsed just Boost and Palmolive shaving cream. Boost was the secret of my energy, not Pepsi or Lays. A shaving cream endorsement ratified how sharp I was as a fielder and player.”

The BCCI is investigating why Lucozade and Gatorade have not signed up Indian players.

Horlicks, Bournvita and Complan have evinced interest but, for now, are merely bystanders.

The BCCI intends to take up the matter with the ICC. Pepsi signed up other international cricketers—Kevin Pietersen, Lasith Malinga and Tillekaratne Dilshan, to name a few.

It has become a trans-national affair.

All quotes and some “facts” in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn’t you?)

Quote of the day:
Conceit is God’s gift to little men. – Bruce Barton

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About LINUS FERNANDES

I have been an IT professional with over 12 years professional experience. I'm an B.Sc. in Statistics, M.Sc in Computer Science (University of Mumbai) and an MBA from the Cyprus International Institute of Management. I'm also a finance student and have completed levels I and II of the CFA course. Blogging is a part-time vocation until I land a full-time position. I am also the author of three books, Those Glory Days: Cricket World Cup 2011, Best of Googli Hoogli and Poems: An Anthology, all available on Amazon Worldwide.

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