indians

Duncan Fletcher: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“We have got players who have scored 200s and 300s, you know, in their CVs.”

Duncan Fletcher that his Indian side has the players to pull off a miracle in the third Test at Edgbaston.The Indians were routed for 224 on the first day and it’s been a leather chase ever since in the field.

What he really meant:

“Sachin Tendulkar, VVS Laxman, Virender Sehwag, Rahul Dravid and Gautam Gambhir. Can you count them out?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I wish those 200s and 300s could be added to the Indian score—at the start of each innings. Why do they have to start from zero all over?”

Tim Bresnan: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"It’d help if the India fielders didn’t have their hands in their pockets. It’s not that cold. They need to look interested [in play] and show some desire. If you don’t want to be here, go home."

Tim Bresnan is not amused with the attitude of the Indian cricket team on the field in the third Test at Edgbaston, Birmingham. The Indians folded for 224 in their outing, the fifth consecutive innings where they have been bowled out for less than 300 runs.

What he really meant:

“We like winning but against competitive sides—not deadbeats.It devalues our efforts.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“If the Indians need extra sweaters, they can pick up some from our dressing room.”

Ronnie Irani: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Go and play like Pietersen plays.”

Ronnie Irani is convinced that the Indians were not quite aware of their No.1 status and were overawed by the occasion in the first Test at Lords. They were way too defensive and much too passive. The former English cricketer exhorts them to take the bull by the horns and “play like KP does.” He adds: “They are the No 1 cricketing nation and if they don’t attack, England will tear apart their mental state.”

What he really meant:

“For the No.1 side, the Indians were not quite fearless enough.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Flex your six-pack (if you have one) every chance you get.”

Kevin Pietersen: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“But we don’t hate the Indians, we are friends with them.”

Kevin Pietersen—in his column—emphasises that his team enjoys a friendly rivalry with the Indian cricket team.

What he really meant:

“Of course, we’re pals. RCB, IPL, Vijay Mallya, cheerleaders—our common interests.And cricket, of course.”

 

What he definitely didn’t:

“Bamboozle me, Yuvi.”

Gautam Gambhir: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“It looks like Afridi is still behaving in the manner as if he is still the 16-year-old making his international debut. He is still immature. It was my personal wish to pay tributes to the 26/11 victims."

Gautam Gambhir believes that Shahid Afridi has not yet outgrown his adolescence and behaves like a spoilt brat. The left-hander was reacting to the former Pakistani skipper’s comments that Indians are not large-hearted after Pakistan lost to India in the World Cup semis.

What he really meant:

“Afridi has not changed—neither his batting nor his behaviour.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I learnt how to win friends and influence people from Afridi.”

Daryl Harper: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“It’s about as common as Indians eating beef burgers."

Australian umpire, Daryl Harper, takes a huge swipe at Indian cricketers— simultaneously defending his track record, following the criticism directed at him  by the Indian captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni. In a series of caustic remarks—interpreted by some as having racist overtones— that included “I should never have applied the laws of cricket to Indian players.", the Australian let fly letting Indians know how he felt about their accusations. Harper says that the ICC  proved that 94% of his decisions were right and that his mistakes were as rare as Indians eating beef.

What he really meant:

“That’s how strongly I feel. So there!”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m a vegetarian.”

“McDonald’s have offered me a job—in India.”

Anjum Chopra appointed coach of Indian T20 team (Satire)

Taking a cue from the English Cricket Board (ECB), the Board For Cricket Control in India (BCCI) appointed Anjum Chopra coach of the Indian T20 men’s team.

“The English have been very innovative lately. They stole a march on us by appointing three different captains. We had to do something.This is how we regain the initiative.” said Mr. Ratnakar Shetty, BCCI head of operations.

“It also makes for good PR to have a woman coach at the highest level.” added Mr. Shashank Manohar, BCCI President.

Continue reading →

What he said, meant, and definitely didn’t: Yuvraj Singh

What he said:

“Now we are in such a situation where another loss would mean that we are out of the competition. Not a great feeling.”

Yuvraj Singh fancying Pune Warriors India’s chances on the eve of their big game against Mumbai Indians.

What he meant:

“It’s make-or-break for Pune Warriors. God help us.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’ll be a wonderful opportunity for me to take a break from some cricket after the trials and tribulations of the World Cup. Dada’s here and he can come up with some Dadagiri.”

IPL: Comedy, tragedy,numbers and Ishant Sharma

I can’t fathom what’s more comic or tragic— depending on your perspective.

Saurav Ganguly fans, who keep hoping for some miracle that will enable their hero to participate  in the IPL this year.

Or the split verdict announced by the Supreme Court on a petition filed by former BCCI President A C Muthiah challenging amendment of clause 6.2.4 allegedly promulgated to allow BCCI Secretary N Srinivasan to continues as an office-bearer while owning a stake in the Chennai Super Kings franchise.

At least, Dada fans’ hearts are in the right place—in Ganguly’s opinion.

But what can you say about a clear conflict of interest? Should N Srinivasan govern as an interested party?

Continue reading →

Virender Sehwag bats out a maiden over, to bookies’ distress (Satire)

Indian bookies are disappointed with Virender Sehwag.

The dashing Indian opener played out a maiden over against Lasith Malinga in a group encounter for Delhi Daredevils against Mumbai Indians.

The bookmakers are believed to have suffered heavy losses. The odds against such a happening were astronomical.

Continue reading →