swann

Indian cricket: Thirteen Englishmen is all it took

A tale of 13 Englishmen and how they upended the No.1 Test team in the world:

Strauss promised he’d make them Rew,

their ill-preparedness and  inability to decipher swing.

Alistair Cooked their goose with a 294,

Edgbaston was his Baston.

Trott lumbered out muttering,

“My name’s Jon-A-Ton”.

Ian rang the Bell,

the chimes of dethronement.

Kevin hit his stride and

the Indians’ fight Pietered out.

Eoin has not quite had them under the gun,

yet his pellets had bite too.

Ravi has yet to hop and Bop,

but he’ll have his chances.

Matt’s no doormat,

Someone should have warned the men in blue—Prior.

Chris had them Tremling in the first,

Bresnan had them cowering later

with Timidity.

Stuart saunters in whistling,

“The English bats are Broad,

right to No. 10”.

The English duckling is now a Swann.

And with Anderson sounding the bowling clarion call,

It’s simply “EndJames” for Dhoni.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Ambrose Bierce

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Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I want to do them and their family ill. I want to hunt them down and do them harm. That feeling doesn’t last long.”

Graeme Swann feels murderous when any of his teammates misfield off his bowling.

What he really meant:

“I’m a skinflint when it comes to leaking runs off my bowling and I expect my teammates to feel the same way too.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I was on the back-up team to hunt down Osama Bin Laden.”

Rahul Dravid: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“We are still getting used to his sense of humour. But he has got one — a very good one when you get to know him.”

Rahul Dravid and the rest of his buddies in the Indian squad are getting to know the Indian coach, Duncan Fletcher, better, beginning with his sense of humour.

What he really meant:

“Fletcher’s sense of humour is growing on us. It’s like sushi—an acquired taste.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Fletcher’s a stand-up comedian.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"It’s not to do with just being overweight, it’s the reluctance to buy into the discipline of it that was his downfall."

Graeme Swann is less than enthusiastic about Samit Patel’s return to the English squad. The off-spinner believes that the unwillingness to control his weight pointed to disciplinary issues which earned the all-rounder his teammates’ approbation.

 

What he really meant:

“If you can’t keep off the food and keep off the kilos, mate, get off the gravy train.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m a huge Ramesh Powar fan.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I don’t know whether it is mistrust of technology or kidology on their [India’s] behalf.”

Graeme Swann is perplexed by the BCCI’s decision to veto the use of the Decision Review System (DRS) in the up-coming India-England series. It is viewed by some as a move to negate Swann’s ability to get frequent leg-before dismissals—under the system; by others, as protecting Sachin Tendulkar who is the beneficiary of more benefit-of-the-doubt decisions than any other player—owing to his stature. 

What he really meant:

“The reasons given [by the BCCI] are laughable.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Technology is for kids.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“If there is an uglier top three in the world I don’t know of it.”

Graeme Swann believes that Andrew Strauss, Alistair Cook and Jonathan Trott are the ugliest top three batsmen in international cricket at the moment. But effective, nonetheless.

What he really meant:

“I didn’t know what ‘winning ugly’ meant—until these three.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“They’re the good, bad and ugly of English cricket.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I was getting paid to play crosswords, having tea brought to me and having my every whim taken care of. It was brilliant.”

Graeme Swann, ruminating on the perks , believes that representing England in cricket is the best job in the world.

What he really meant:

“I’m grateful I’m a cricketer, not a typical nine-to-fiver.I’m really spoilt.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m pitching cricket—as a profession.”

English selection deliberations for First Test against Lanka: An insider’s view

HUMOR—

The Sri Lankans are here.

Raise the curtain on the Lions— English and Lankan.

Can we have a Bell please? Yes, it’s Ian, in the mix.

No Straussing about who’s going to lead the side. No rueing and hewing about it.

Can we Cook up a barbeque for the islanders? Nice and warm and sizzling, followed by climbing Alistairs for exercise.

Trotting up and down is good calisthenics, too.

Can Pietersen be omitted? What! And  miss out on free Brylcreem?

Eoin and Ian? Is there a difference? Morgan powder to use on unwelcome visitors.

Prior behind. Does that sound right?

No Matting wickets here, pal. We’re British, we like our pitches green.

The WAGS insist Broad has to be in. No Stuart excuses can keep him out.

Give us a Swann to make the ugly ducklings look good.Tremble before Tremlett, Lankan lambs.

Games and James can’t be uncoupled,can they?

Let’s ring Finnish to the selections. It’s time for tea and scones, Steve.

Bopara? Is that the chap serving?

Quote of the day:
Facts are the enemy of truth. – Miguel de Cervantes

Cricket World Cup: Funny thoughts and not-so-funny happenings (Humour)

Harbhajan Singh and Reebok have discovered the Teesra. In a viral video doing the rounds on YouTube, the off-spinner demonstrates a ball that stops and reverses back to the bowler.

It actually drops dead after spinning back and side-wards.

Much like the back-spinning, side-spinning drop shots employed by tennis masters .

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