humor

Cristiano Ronaldo: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Cristiano Ronaldo Has It All

What he said:

"I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don’t have any other explanation."

Cristiano Ronaldo is a narcissist. The Portuguese striker reacts to being booed by Dinamo fans at Zagreb. Real Madrid triumphed 1-0.

What he really meant:

“Don’t Messi with me.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Modesty’s my middle name.”

Pep Guardiola: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Pep Guardiola Needs Stronger, Quicker Legs

What he said:

"Not even Usain Bolt would have been able to stop him.I’d like my team to have legs with so much running in them."

Barca manager, Pep Guardiola, does not blame his side for allowing AC Milan’s Alexandre Pato’s fifth-quickest goal in the Champions League—in all of 24 seconds.

What he really meant:

“A real pity Pato’s goal did not meet the same fate that Bolt’s 100 meters run at the World championships did.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“What if I picked the Jamaican relay squad as defenders? Would that have worked?”

Caroline Wozniacki: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

Caroline Wozniacki Is Not Amused By ‘Wham-Bam’ Serena

What she said:

“Well, you know, it’s kind of like, okay, you feel like you’re in the game, you’re in the game, and then bam, bam, you’re not in the game anymore.”

Caroline Wozniacki makes her excuses for her semifinal defeat against Serena Williams at the US Open.

What she really meant:

“I was outgunned by Serena.Bang, bang, you’re dead.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“That’s what I term a ‘loaded’ statement.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Graeme Swann Is No ‘BullDog’

What he said:

“I can’t make speeches like Churchill and I’ll try to be as natural as I can.”

Graeme Swann—the comedian—takes over from Stuart Board as skipper of the English T20 squad for two matches against West Indies next week.

Swann claimed:

It’s a Twenty20 series with a lot of young lads so I’ll have to change the way I am from the Test side.

I’m very much the joker in the Test team, I’m there for a stupid quip at the end of the session. With this Twenty20 side, I’ll naturally have to be more grown up and mature about things.

But I don’t intend to be deadly serious and change too much. I believe a fairly high-spirited approach has made me the cricketer I am.

I’ll certainly look to keep that going within my own game and, if that’s infectious to others, then great.

What Swann really meant:

“I have games to win, not speeches to make.”

What Swann definitely didn’t:

“I’ll just get the Windians to fall over—laughing their guts out.”

Samantha Stosur: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

Samantha Stosur Can Fit a Lot Into Her Back Pocket

What she said:

“It was a good thing to have that in your back pocket playing someone who’s never been in one before.”

Samantha Stosur had the advantage of two major semifinal appearances over her German opponent, Angelique Kerber,  at the US Open.

What she really meant:

“That’s what I call a true ADVANTAGE…Deuce Kerber.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I don’t actually have a back pocket. You noted that?”

Serena Williams: What she said, really meant and definitely did not

Serena Williams Takes Aim Offside

What she said:

"You’re out of control. You’re a hater, and you’re just unattractive inside."

Serena Williams ‘transfers epithets’ ,accusing chair umpire, Eva Asderaki,  of abuse in an ironic tirade, scarily reminiscent of her 2009 US Open semifinal blowout  against Kim Clijsters.

What she really meant:

“That has a lot to do with you docking me the game. Yeah!”

What she definitely didn’t:

“I don’t really mean all these things. I suffer from selective amnesia ; you ought to take a cue from me. ”

Andrew Flintoff: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Freddie Flintoff ‘Cocks a Snook at the IPL’

What he said:

“Just been confirmed India don’t want to be here! I reckon they’d play in drizzle in the IPL for millions not at Lords though.”

Andrew Flintoff joins the legion of English cricketers who believe that the Indian cricket team surrendered their No.1 status on the altar of Mammon.

What he really meant:

“I’m not too keen on our chaps not willing to return to the field when D/L loaded the game our way. But you don’t want to me to tweet that, do you?”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I wonder if I could get one of the IPL franchises to vend Freddie Flintoff branded paraphernalia?”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Graeme Swann is up to monkey business

What he said:

"I dedicate the series win to London zoo. Had a great time there with Wilf and Mrs Swann yesterday."

Graeme Swann, the self-appointed funny man in the English cricket squad, tweets his dedication of the ODI series win over India.

What he really meant:

“I’m going ape with joy.”

What he definitely didn’t (or did he?):

“Just monkeying around.”

Q & A With Serena Williams (Humour)

MakeTimeForSports touched base with 2011 US Open runner-up Serena Williams after her loss to Sam Stosur.

1) What do you think is the reason for your loss to Sam Stosur?

The chair umpire had it in for me, of course.

2) Don’t you think that you tried to intimidate your opponent?

What, that little shriek? I yell like that when I see chocolate cake too.

3) You say you can’t recall what you said on court?

Yeah, like I rehearsed.

4) You’ll catch yourself on YouTube….

Yes, isn’t that super-cool???

5) Do you have a real, good excuse for your on-court behaviour?

Hmmm.. how about ‘I was testing my lung power’?

Disclaimer: The character(s) are real but the interview is fictional.

Quote of the day:
The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. – H. L. Mencken

Michael Holding: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

Michael Holding Asks The Question

What he said:

“But how come they never miss the IPL with injuries?"

Michael Holding voices the opinion of every Indian fan when he points out that Indian cricketers are rarely injured or rested during the IPL.

What he really meant:

“But how come they never miss the IPL with injuries?"

What he definitely didn’t:

“The IPL is the best thing that could have happened to Indian and West Indian cricket.”