IPL

What they said and what they definitely didn’t mean: Ray Jennings

What he said:

“What he’s produced tonight scares the hell out of me and hopefully will scare others going forward.”

RCB Coach Ray Jennings on Chris Gayle’s extraordinary opening act in this year’s IPL.

What he meant:

“If this is how he (Gayle) plays jet-lagged and after a scrap with the WICB, I wish he’d have them (scraps) every day.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Scary Movie X, here come Gayle and RCB as starring cast.”

SRK, KKR and Kajol, Rani and Bipasha at the IPL (Humour)

Shah Rukh Khan is at the end of his tether.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, will convince Dada fans that SRK  loves Sourav Ganguly (and Bengalis) and that’s why he let him go.

Slashing the price of tickets for forthcoming KKR games has not quite had the desired effect as evidenced by fan reaction on the team web-site.

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What they said and what they definitely didn’t mean: Siddharth Mallya

What he said:

“It is like a sugar-free candy bar. Because it does the same thing. It tastes the same. But then there is always that one thing that’s missing.”

Siddharth Mallya on the IPL without Lalit Modi.

What he meant:

“Lalit Modi’s the sugar missing from the IPL candy bar.”

What he definitely didn’t mean:

“Lalit Modi’s my sugar daddy.”

Simon Taufel, Asad Rauf and Kumar Dharmasena retire from Test cricket (Satire)

Elite umpires, Simon Taufel and Asad Rauf, and International Umpire Kumar Dharmasena have announced their retirement from Test cricket with immediate effect.

The umpires complain of fatigue in the longer version of the game.

“Standing for 6 hours or more for five consecutive days and having to focus on every ball is extremely taxing for body and mind.” said Simon Taufel.

Dimitri Mascarenhas selected for game versus Middlesex by SL (Satire)

 

In a surprise move, Farveez Maharoof and Dimitri Mascarenhas have been named in the Sri Lankan squad that plays Middlesex at Uxbridge from May 14-16, 2011 in the first warm-up game of the tour.

While Maharoof is currently contracted out to Lancashire, the naming of Mascarenhas has come like a ‘bolt out of the blue’.

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Bruce Wayne aka Batman sues the BCCI (Satire)

Bruce Wayne aka Batman flew in to  Mumbai, the other day on a fact-finding misison.

“Tell me,” he asked the cabbie hailed at Sahar airport, “what is this cricket and IPL all about?”

The cabbie looked at him incredulously.

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Liz Hurley and Sakshi Dhoni promote WAGS IPL (Satire)

Quick on the heels of Anjum Chopra’s request to the BCCI to hold an IPL for women cricketers, the premier sports administrative body in the country received another appeal— this time for an IPL constituting wives and girlfriends (WAGS) of cricketers.

The move is spearheaded by Australian spinner Shane Warne’s current love interest, Elizabeth Hurley and MS Dhoni’s wife, Sakshi.

Random cricketing thoughts on the IPL and beyond

The Ducksworth-Lewis method of calculating second-innings totals has come under the scanner.Mahela Jayawardene and Stephen Fleming criticised the system as being ‘unfair’ and not really suited to T20 cricket.

Brickbats are justified since T20 is a racier, pacier form of cricket compared to ODIs, which are in comparison relatively sedate.

Franchise owners, at the IPL auctions, took player availability into account while making their selections. No team wished to have key players missing during the critical part of the tournament.

What they said, meant and definitely didn’t: A B De Villiers

What he said:

“I really can’t pin-point anything that we are doing wrong except for bad fielding, bad bowling and bad batting.”

A.B. De Villiers on the problems with the Royal Challengers Bangalore team.

What he meant:

“We’re not playing cricket, really!”

What he definitely didn’t:“It was a team dare. Can we play worse than the television experts comment? I guess, we did.”

Nita Ambani to utilize Wankhede boxes to host RIL AGMs (Satire)

Reliance Industries and Aditya Birla group will host their annual general meetings (AGMs) and extraordinary general meetings (EGMs)  at the newly renovated Wankhede stadium from 2011 onwards.

“For the next 10 years, shareholder meetings will be held at the cricket stadium. You see, Mukesh Ambani wishes to make optimum utilization of his three boxes secured from the Mumbai Cricket Association (MCA).” said Mr. Phanketilal Patel, Mukesh Ambani’s closest chamcha.

The meetings will be conducted at the stadium to ensure that the most people can be accommodated.