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Simon Taufel, Asad Rauf and Kumar Dharmasena retire from Test cricket (Satire)


The third umpire lights at the Melbourne Crick...

Elite umpires, Simon Taufel and Asad Rauf, and International Umpire Kumar Dharmasena have announced their retirement from Test cricket with immediate effect.

The umpires complain of fatigue in the longer version of the game.

“Standing for 6 hours or more for five consecutive days and having to focus on every ball is extremely taxing for body and mind.” said Simon Taufel.

Asad Rauf ,expressing similar sentiments, complained that with the introduction of DRS and third umpire referrals, the umpires are subject to even more scrutiny and mental pressures.

“The pressure cooker situations in Test matches is not good for our long-term health. In a Test match, the game can drag on for two sessions and just when you have started to relax and maybe have a little of an on-field snooze, three or four quick wickets can change the complexion of the game. Imagine doing this over a period of five days and you can imagine how nerve-wracking a job it can be.” remarked Asad Rauf.

Kumar Dharmasena said that he preferred the shorter formats of the game and would like to prolong his career by officiating in ODIs and T20s only.

“In ODIs and T20s, the pressure is on only for a day or four hours. After that, I can put up my feet and relax.” said Dharmasena, in a statement released to the press.

All three have denied that the IPL has anything to do with their premature abdication of Test duties.

The ICC has scheduled an emergency meeting to discuss the situation.

(Facts and “quotes” in this article are fictitious. Fiction is not fact, though some facts are stranger than fiction.)


Quote of the day:
Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving. – Penn Jillette

About LINUS FERNANDES

I have been an IT professional with over 12 years professional experience. I'm an B.Sc. in Statistics, M.Sc in Computer Science (University of Mumbai) and an MBA from the Cyprus International Institute of Management. I'm also a finance student and have completed levels I and II of the CFA course. Blogging is a part-time vocation until I land a full-time position. I am also the author of three books, Those Glory Days: Cricket World Cup 2011, IPL Vignettes and Poems: An Anthology, all available on Amazon Worldwide.

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