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What they said and what they definitely didn’t mean: Ray Jennings
What he said:
“What he’s produced tonight scares the hell out of me and hopefully will scare others going forward.”
RCB Coach Ray Jennings on Chris Gayle’s extraordinary opening act in this year’s IPL.
What he meant:
“If this is how he (Gayle) plays jet-lagged and after a scrap with the WICB, I wish he’d have them (scraps) every day.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“Scary Movie X, here come Gayle and RCB as starring cast.”
Lalit Modi, Shashi Tharoor short-listed for IOA presidency (Satire)
Following the arrest of Suresh Kalmadi by the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), the Indian Olympic Association (IOA) are frantically looking out for a successor to the high profile minister.
Two names have been short-listed.
The first is former IPL commissioner Lalit Modi who is currently in London.
The other name bandied about is former Minister of External Affairs, Shashi Tharoor.
Tennis Bytes: Barcelona,Julia Goerges and 2 year rankings
You think that maybe he’s vulnerable , that maybe, just maybe, the challenge of Djokovic and the younger brigade is too much to push back; it’s just too much pressure to hold on but then along comes clay season, and Rafael Nadal rises to the occasion, undulating effortlessly to the top.
“You can’t touch me here, I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee” is what the Majorcan sings out, scything through the field like a knife through melted butter.
This Sunday, it was the Barcelona Open making it two out of two for the Spaniard on his favourite surface this year.
Once again, it was his compatriot David Ferrer who succumbed to the No. 1’s might.
Sachin Tendulkar named Sathya Sai Baba’s successor (Satire)
In his will discovered late last evening, Sri Sathya Sai Baba has anointed Sachin Tendulkar as his successor.
The master batsman has been named the sole beneficiary in the godman’s last testament.
The codicil states: “I have always been a huge fan of Sachin. He is a God to millions of Indians, just like I am. He has devotees cutting across state lines and so do I. He does not need money and neither did I.”
SRK, KKR and Kajol, Rani and Bipasha at the IPL (Humour)
Shah Rukh Khan is at the end of his tether.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, will convince Dada fans that SRK loves Sourav Ganguly (and Bengalis) and that’s why he let him go.
Slashing the price of tickets for forthcoming KKR games has not quite had the desired effect as evidenced by fan reaction on the team web-site.
What they said and what they definitely didn’t mean: Siddharth Mallya
What he said:
“It is like a sugar-free candy bar. Because it does the same thing. It tastes the same. But then there is always that one thing that’s missing.”
Siddharth Mallya on the IPL without Lalit Modi.
What he meant:
“Lalit Modi’s the sugar missing from the IPL candy bar.”
What he definitely didn’t mean:
“Lalit Modi’s my sugar daddy.”
Simon Taufel, Asad Rauf and Kumar Dharmasena retire from Test cricket (Satire)
Elite umpires, Simon Taufel and Asad Rauf, and International Umpire Kumar Dharmasena have announced their retirement from Test cricket with immediate effect.
The umpires complain of fatigue in the longer version of the game.
“Standing for 6 hours or more for five consecutive days and having to focus on every ball is extremely taxing for body and mind.” said Simon Taufel.
Dimitri Mascarenhas selected for game versus Middlesex by SL (Satire)
In a surprise move, Farveez Maharoof and Dimitri Mascarenhas have been named in the Sri Lankan squad that plays Middlesex at Uxbridge from May 14-16, 2011 in the first warm-up game of the tour.
While Maharoof is currently contracted out to Lancashire, the naming of Mascarenhas has come like a ‘bolt out of the blue’.
Guidelines introduced for Pakistani cricketers’ agents (Satire)
(With apologies to the Express Tribune)
Bookies and ‘matka’ kings in India have reacted swiftly to the guidelines introduced by the Pakistan Cricket Board for agents of cricketers.
Steps have been taken to nullify every step taken by the Pakistani cricketing body, by simply mirroring the PCB’s moves.
“PCB has now made it mandatory for all agents to get themselves registered with it”
—The Association of Bookies and Matka Kings (ABMK) have made it mandatory for agents to get themselves registered with them—unofficially, of course.
Bruce Wayne aka Batman sues the BCCI (Satire)
Bruce Wayne aka Batman flew in to Mumbai, the other day on a fact-finding misison.
“Tell me,” he asked the cabbie hailed at Sahar airport, “what is this cricket and IPL all about?”
The cabbie looked at him incredulously.
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Make Time For Sports. 