cricket

Scott Styris: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Seeing Southee open the batting for Essex tonight and score 74 off 34 balls is enough to drive anyone to give up the game!”

Scott Styris is jocular about his reasons for quitting the game.

What he really meant:

“If Southee can play better cricket than me, I might as well quit.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Tim Southee is so much better than Virender Sehwag.”

John McEnroe: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“Viv Richards was the Rod Laver of cricket.”

John McEnroe shows that he’s not just a tennis buff. Vivian Richards is the cricketing version of Rod Laver, according to the legend.

What he really meant:

“Yeah, I know cricket and I know Viv Richards and, sure as hell, do Rod Laver too.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Rod Laver is the Viv Richards of tennis.”

Ricky Ponting: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“If I do, maybe the aura will grow again.”

Ricky Ponting believes that without the additional burden of the Australian captaincy, he could put his indifferent form in the past two years behind him and enjoy a batting renaissance.

What he really meant:

“If I score enough runs and the team wins, I’ll be in everyone’s good books once more.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Did you know that  the word ‘aura’ is contained in ‘Australia’?”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I don’t know whether it is mistrust of technology or kidology on their [India’s] behalf.”

Graeme Swann is perplexed by the BCCI’s decision to veto the use of the Decision Review System (DRS) in the up-coming India-England series. It is viewed by some as a move to negate Swann’s ability to get frequent leg-before dismissals—under the system; by others, as protecting Sachin Tendulkar who is the beneficiary of more benefit-of-the-doubt decisions than any other player—owing to his stature. 

What he really meant:

“The reasons given [by the BCCI] are laughable.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Technology is for kids.”

Graeme Swann: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I was getting paid to play crosswords, having tea brought to me and having my every whim taken care of. It was brilliant.”

Graeme Swann, ruminating on the perks , believes that representing England in cricket is the best job in the world.

What he really meant:

“I’m grateful I’m a cricketer, not a typical nine-to-fiver.I’m really spoilt.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“I’m pitching cricket—as a profession.”

Andrew Strauss: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

"It’s one of the better items of post you get through the letterbox – certainly better than a gas bill."

English Test skipper, Andrew Strauss, is suitably chuffed at being annointed an Officer of the Order of the British Empire.

What he really meant:

"Are you enthused about bills, especially utilities? Not me. This is one piece of post I’m thrilled to receive."

What he definitely didn’t:

"The sun never sets on the British Empire—not the cricketing one."

Andy Roddick: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

What he said:

“I have a problem calling anything where you have to wear formal pants a sport.”

Andy Roddick says that cricket cannot be a sport because you have to wear full-length trousers.

What he really meant:

“I don’t have the patience for cricket. The formal pants are merely an excuse.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Golf’s not a sport as well.“

Yuvraj Singh: What he said, really meant and definitely did not

“…he was a ‘bomb about to explode’”

Yuvraj Singh writing in the BCCI quarterly newsletter describes his impression of MS Dhoni prior to his World Cup final assault on Sri Lankan bowlers.

What he really meant:

“Dhoni was as wound up as a compressed spring.Once the pressure peaked, he would burst.”

“Dhoni needed a mere trigger to go off—he was primed—and the World Cup final was it.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Dhoni’s a human bomb.”

“Dhoni’s a bombshell.”

Shahid Afridi asked to seek remedial therapy by PCB (Satire)

KARACHI—

In another blow to Shahid Afridi’s hopes of returning to the Pakistani cricket team, the team management made public a team psychiatrist’s report on the dashing all-rounder.

Mr. Gind Mames, a consulting psychotherapist, said that the former Pakistani ODI skipper is overly influenced by sports persons who have retired from their sport only to return in another attempt to regain youthful glory.

“Afridi is a huge fan of Michael Jordan, Michael Schumacher, Bjorn Borg, Imran Khan,George Foreman and Martina Navratilova, among others.” said Mr. Mames.

What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Jacob Oram

Image by Dhammika Heenpella / Images of Sri Lanka via Flickr

What he said:

“After nearly every game there’s an after-party, there’s Bollywood stars there and fashion parades; the drinks are free and the cheerleaders are around. It’s a different world. Sometimes you wonder if you’re here for cricket or not. Ultimately you are. It is good fun, but at the same time I don’t think it’s reality."

Jacob Oram describing his hurly-burly life in the IPL.

What he really meant:

“Cricket’s my reality.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’s a paid vacation but hush, don’t tell anyone.”